


Unexpected

by bgn



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-21
Updated: 2014-11-22
Packaged: 2018-02-26 12:34:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 47
Words: 92,991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2652242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bgn/pseuds/bgn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's not just slash. There's conversation, relationship and character development. Starts with the series and covers a lifetime.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tenderness

**Author's Note:**

> The first four chapters are Daryl's POV only. Glenn is added later. Daryl is written in second person and Glenn in first person. Second person is rarely used but it feels right for Daryl.

Daryl

There is something still tender within you, hidden from a world that wouldn't believe it could exist in the man you've become. You would deny it fiercely, not that anybody would dare suggest it. You don't understand it and never consciously think of it but you've protected it for years, something private that you keep safe from Merle because there has to be a piece of you uncorrupted by your brother. You love and admire Merle but you know that not much about him is lovable or admirable to others. Merle, so many years older, had in his rough way looked out for you when you were young and maybe that inspired a loyalty he didn't fully deserve.

Family was all you had. You've got no experience beyond blood bond but you're coming to realize that family takes other forms. You met up with some people who are short on necessary skills but they aren't stupid and they aren't assholes like you and your brother. You joined forces to survive and that means having each other's backs and while you don't really trust anybody but Merle for that, you've been surprised a few times by the new crew.

The Chinaman for example. Okay, you know he's Korean but what the fuck does it matter? You aren't going around declaring yourself Scottish. You think there's Irish in the Dixon family tree as well. Does that make you Celtic? Maybe you'll bring that up the next time ethnicity is discussed. But the kid Glenn is interesting. You heard how he got Grimes out of the tank and you witnessed his plan to retrieve the gun bag. The kid is a strategist. Where did that come from ...

"Hey, you play chess?"

Glenn looks up, surprised. "Yeah. Do you?"

"I been thinking of taking it up." You had no such intention, it just popped out.

Glenn looks pleased. "Maybe I could help. Dale is the only other one who plays and he doesn't really think it's worth the time now. It'd be great to have a game."

"Maybe we could trade. You know, if there's something I could show you." Where the fuck did that come from? You don't consider yourself teacher material.

"I'd like to learn how to shoot that crossbow." Glenn must see something in your face because he backs off right away. "Sorry, forget it, I know the crossbow is sacred."

"No, it's a good idea," you say grudgingly. You have to be realistic. "With Merle gone, if I go down someone else should know how to use it. It's a valuable weapon."

"Merle will probably be back eventually. You don't think he's dead."

"No, but let me rephrase. With Merle's fucking hand gone, someone else should know how to use the crossbow. It requires a different mindset than the point and shoot mentality for guns."

"You think I have it?"

"We'll see."

You lapse back into your thoughts. What was a smart kid doing delivering pizza? Why wasn't he in college? You wonder if Glenn was messing with you. You don't think the kid was lying but it probably wasn't the whole truth. Maybe he's a math genius. Aren't Asians good with numbers? Yeah, you're aware that you might be stereotyping there. But still, it's likely that Glenn delivered pizza to supplement a scholarship.

It's a well-guarded secret that you did two years at the local community college way back. You might even have finished but life intervened. Actually Merle intervened. He was dishonorably discharged and came home. Backing up your brother, you started getting into trouble right along with him after that. Most of your life you've felt like a pale copy of Merle, a lesser version of the one and only original, accept no substitutes. You've only recently considered that the inner voice telling you over the years that you aren't your brother is a compliment not an insult.

As time permits during the day you instruct Glenn in the art of the crossbow. Evenings Glenn does the same with chess. It goes well. You both want to learn so motivation isn't a problem. You discover that Glenn has a good eye and an affinity for weapons. Glenn admits that you're brighter than you act or sound and have the kind of mind that plots moves in advance.

Inevitably you get to be friends. You can't keep snarling at someone under these circumstances. You start respecting him and shit like that and then one day he makes a shot you wouldn't be ashamed to claim and you feel proud of him. Later you checkmate him at chess and you can tell he's astonished because he didn't see it coming.

And then you begin recognizing moods from his expression and reading thoughts in his eyes. You watch for his smile. You think he needs a haircut before he mentions it himself. You see his arms flexing with muscle that wasn't there until he started hefting the crossbow. Then you start noticing the line of his lips and the curve of his cheek. And yeah, his ass, and you take a step back mentally to assess this fucked up situation. It doesn't seem wrong because the whole world has changed and why shouldn't this change, too? But just because you changed doesn't mean he feels the same. Until you see him watching you. And then it's impossible to think of anything else because it's in both your minds and bodies and there's a hunger that won't go away.

When you finally get a day alone together you go to the most secure bolt-hole farthest away. You've found a few places no one else knows about and once out of sight of camp you can touch each other. Just a hand on an arm at first, arm across shoulder, hips bumping as if you're on a fucking date. Which you are and both of you know it. You stop to kiss because hands aren't enough now, mouths must follow. Your stubble rasps against his smooth face. He seems to like it. Finally a little one room shack half falling down but there's a rough bench in the corner big enough for both of you.

You don't undress, just shove your pants down and your shirts up and wrap yourselves around each other, humping with cocks pressed together until pre-come makes it slick and easy and you reach between to rub each other. It's been a long time since you had a partner. In fact it's been a while since you laid hands on yourself and everything seems more sensitive and the friction is fucking incredible. Glenn gasps that he's coming. He's younger and can't hold back and you don't want him to anyway. You're just as excited but have a slight measure of control and you're happy to hold him as he arches against you. He's quiet for a moment then his hand is moving to help you finish when the shambling figure appears at the open window. You're always careful so even now the crossbow is beside you. You lift it and shoot and the figure drops. You hope there aren't any more, at least not close, because you can't reload and come at the same time. Learn something new about yourself every day.

Thankfully there are no more so you have a little time together.

"Have you been with a guy before?" Glenn asks.

"No."

"Me neither. And I've only had a couple of girlfriends."

You've fucked quite a few women over the years but it doesn't seem like a necessary addition to the conversation so you ask, "You like girls?"

"Not as much as I like you."

You notice he says 'you' not 'this' which seems to indicate it's the man as much as the action. Why does this kid have to be the one?

"Can we do this again?" he asks.

"You probably can but I need some recovery time."

Glenn grins. "I actually meant at another time but now sounds better. Or, you know, in a little while."

You both laugh. It's comfortable between you and you feel like recovery time may not be an issue after all. "You ever get a blowjob?"

"Once. No, twice."

"With only two possibilities, you're not sure?"

"It's twice."

"I guess one of them wasn't so memorable."

You kiss down his body - almost hairless chest, flat hard belly. He's already erect by the time you reach his cock. As your mouth encloses him you reach up and the rough tips of your fingers brush his nipples and he moans. You've never done this before but you know what you like and you're already learning what he likes. This seems more natural than you expected. Glenn is enjoying it all. His hands grip your hair and he's practically having convulsions. And that's before he actually comes.

After he stops shuddering he says shakily, "I won't forget that one."

"Third time's the charm."

He starts exploring and you remember something you've been meaning to ask. If you don't ask now you'll probably forget by the time you're done fucking his mouth.

"What else did you do besides deliver pizza?"

He smiles. You can tell the little shit is proud of having played you. But he doesn't reveal much. "Some stuff that might surprise you."

"What stuff?" You're losing interest in the topic but it seems rude to let it drop.

Glenn has lost interest, too. "We'll talk later. Would it be okay if I sucked you now?" He doesn't wait for an answer.

It's not long before you understand Glenn's earlier convulsions because suddenly it feels like you're having a seizure of your own. You're not sure you didn't black out for a second.

Eventually you head back, alert for meat or game. This was supposed to be a hunting trip but you've contributed a lot lately and coming back empty handed won't be remarkable, especially since this is also Glenn's first hunt with the crossbow. But you get lucky and Glenn takes a nice plump rabbit. The hunting high evaporates as you get closer to camp. You're moving apart because neither of you wants to make this thing public. It's too new and it's just between you. But you hate seeing the way Glenn looks, like maybe you only used him because you were horny and he was convenient, so you do the only thing you can think of.

You stop and cup his face and say, "I love you" and kiss him. You know he's surprised, you know he expected to say it first, you know he wondered if you would ever say it. And all that is why you did it. He whispers, "Love you back" into your mouth and you both break the kiss pretty soon after because christ, if you don't, there will be no way to hide what you mean to each other now. Glenn smiles, reassured. He holds up the rabbit and moves ahead. Good. You can watch his ass the rest of the way back to camp.

There is something tender within you but it's not nearly as hidden as it used to be.


	2. Acceptance

Daryl

You and Glenn have been 'together' for several days now. You struggle to understand how it happened and why it feels so good. You aren't displeased, you just can't quite wrap your mind around it. It's not all perfect. There is another afternoon away from camp but it doesn't go well. Glenn wants you to top him and you aren't opposed. In fact, you're curious. But you're big. Not longer than average but thicker, and pre-come isn't enough. It's almost too tight to be comfortable for you and you can tell it hurts him so you stop. Tearing someone a new asshole figuratively is one thing. Literally would require a doctor and no one is on call. You wouldn't want to explain that injury anyway. You end up giving each other hand jobs and that's more than satisfying but still there's the feeling that you didn't get to do all that you would have liked.

You're thinking a lot about this thing between you and it distracts you enough that someone notices. That night you overhear Dale talking to Glenn. Apparently he thinks Glenn has insight into you since you hunt and play chess together. You hope he doesn't suspect what else you do.

"Is Daryl all right?" Dale asks.

"Fine, as far as I know," Glenn replies. "Why?"

"He's been quiet lately. That's not really like Daryl."

"Accept the gift, Dale. He'll probably blow up about something soon enough."

Dale laughs and goes back to his RV.

Later you ask Glenn if it was necessary to act like you're a bomb that could go off anytime.

"It wasn't an act. You are," he says deadpan.

You smile reluctantly.

"What should I have said instead? Daryl's domesticated now that he's getting it regularly?"

You sigh. You aren't used to playfulness. You kind of like it but you aren't sure how to react yet.

The next day is a supply run to Atlanta. Rick and T-Dog, Glenn and you. After the last trip you're considered a team. The buddy system keeps all of you safer and you cover more ground with two pairs. Coming back Rick is driving and T is riding shotgun. You and Glenn are in the back of the truck. You pull out two tubes of lube. That's all you lifted because you didn't want anyone wondering what your pockets are full of. Glenn unzips his backpack and shows you two more tubes. Nice to know you're both thinking the same thing.

The second try is successful if judged by the half-scream Glenn muffles when you fill him, pleasure this time instead of pain. He's still tight but it's also wet and smooth. You're being careful until he moans, "More" and pushes back against you. You're losing control. He's gripping his cock and you reach around because you like to feel him in your hand when he comes. But he says he doesn't want to come yet and you realize he was squeezing hard to stop himself from coming so you hold his hips instead as you thrust and it's going too fast and the next thing you know you're trying to catch your breath from the most intense orgasm you can ever remember.

Glenn is still hard. He whispers, "Can I?" and you nod. You know he's asking because he thinks you aren't the kind to want to take it in the ass. You aren't sure either but you also want to know what it feels like. You grunt a little at the fullness and then a few inches in he hits your prostate and you understand why he almost screamed when you did it to him. The sensations are overwhelming for both of you. You're getting hard again but not close enough to climax. You don't care because you can concentrate on what you're feeling and what's happening to Glenn. His reaction mirrors your own and you're happy he's having the same experience.

You were never the chatty type after sex but with Glenn you discover you like talking as much as fucking. You're sure he was always chatty after sex because sometimes he's hard to shut up anytime. You don't really mind. You like his sense of humor. Merle was pretty humorless although he often thought he was funny. Glenn is different, a quick cutting wit that makes you laugh. He laughs at you sometimes, saying you're unintentionally funny which is better than trying too hard.

He asks, "What are you thinking?"

"I'd like to be in bed with you. A real bed."

"On my hands and knees with my ass in the air?"

"On your back with your knees up. So I can see your face when I'm inside you."

He smiles. "Good plan. But we may have to forget about the bed."

There's something else on your mind. "What would you call ... this ... us?"

"The love that dare not speak its name?" You can tell he's enjoying himself. You just stare until he gives in and says, "So serious. Okay, I'm guessing you won't go for 'relationship' and you don't want to think of us as lovers or a couple or as boyfriends. I bet gay, queer and homosexual are out of the question. You're probably not comfortable with fuck buddies or friends with benefits. Do you really need to nail this down?"

Yes, you do. If you can define it, you can deal with it. You have a sudden flash and wonder why it didn't occur to you before. "Partners."

"You found a label you can live with. Well, I like it, too. It covers a lot. We hunt, scavenge, play chess."

"And fuck."

"Repeatedly," he agrees.

He kisses you hard enough to bruise. You retaliate by biting his lips but not to the point of drawing blood. He turns to you and squirms closer. The hard points of his nipples are pressed to your chest. You slide your hands between, thumbs rubbing slow circles. He makes incoherent sounds and his cock jerks against yours. You move away and it pushes up. His quick arousal is a surprise. You move forward again, hips rolling against him. Your fingers are still moving, pinching his nipples then twisting a little harder. His breathing quickens, he's panting, and suddenly your bellies are wet and warm. You can't believe he came from you playing with his nipples. Your own don't lack feeling but they're not like his.

"Oh god, I didn't expect that to happen," he says.

Neither did you but you're glad it did. You can't help teasing a little. "You're like a girl, with the sensitive nipples." You hope he knows you're only teasing.

He does, or maybe he's too relaxed to care. But he hands it right back. "You'd like that, wouldn't you? Do you wish I was a woman?"

Your face is against his neck as you tell him truthfully, "No. You're just right like this."


	3. Revelation

Daryl

Walkers attack camp in the night and a lot of survivors are dead including Amy. You thought she was a silly young girl but you didn't want this to happen and you feel bad for her sister. You don't understand why she wants to wait until Amy wakes up but you're overruled and Andrea ends up taking Amy out herself. Carol goes at Ed with the pickaxe and more enthusiasm than you would have had. Maybe these women had to handle things their own way. You're sorry to find out Jim was bit but you don't show it. Better to play the hard-ass because there's work to be done. Glenn is almost in tears when you're going to burn one of your own along with the geeks. You don't really get the difference. Cremation is an accepted method of dealing with the dead and the geeks used to be human, too. But Glenn is grieving and you can't cause him more pain. Besides, Jim dug all those holes so they might as well be used.

That night you and Glenn step away into the woods, not for sex, just to talk and yeah, make out a little. You don't go far because of the attack the night before but you think it's far enough because everyone else is staying even closer to camp. But Rick the Boy Scout is patrolling a wider perimeter than you expected and suddenly there he is. He doesn't look shocked and you catch on that he suspected this and followed you. That's a little surprising because he appears completely clueless about his own fucked up personal life and the fact that he's part of a triangle he isn't even aware of. Apparently his law enforcement training has made him more observant of others than himself. And then something amusing happens when he asks Glenn if he needs any help and you realize he thinks you forced Glenn into this. Glenn saved Rick's life that first day and Rick feels protective.

"Thank god you noticed," Glenn says. "I tried to say no but I couldn't stop him."

You close your eyes for a moment. Sometimes this kid makes your head hurt. But your lips twitch with a suppressed smile. Glenn is still standing close to you and makes no effort to get away. Rick is perceptive enough to read his expression and the tone of his voice.

"Sorry," he says, sounding sincere. "I didn't mean to get into your business but I was ... concerned."

"Thanks, Rick," Glenn says. "I appreciate it but it really is all right."

You just look at him silently as if it's no big deal that Daryl Dixon was on first base with a guy and hoping for second.

Rick gives a half-laugh and shakes his head. "As you were. Good luck." He disappears.

"Officer Buzzkill." Glenn says. "This isn't going anywhere, is it?"

You agree that the mood is broken.

"You think he'll tell anyone?"

No, you don't. If someone had to find out, he's the best of the bunch. He's basically a decent man who will keep his mouth shut.

Camp is dismantled quickly in the morning. There's a plank in the back of your truck. You pull it out and Glenn steadies the makeshift ramp as you push the motorcycle up. You know the day may come when you can't keep both the truck and the motorcycle, maybe neither of them, but that day isn't now and you aren't leaving it behind.

"I'd like to ride this," Glenn says wistfully.

So would you and you flash on an image of him behind you and the chopper rocketing down the interstate. The wind is in your hair because fuck it, helmets are for pussies who are afraid to become organ donors.

The Morales head to Birmingham and the rest of you go to the CDC. This seems like a huge mistake when you first arrive and then the best decision ever when you get inside. Hot showers, good food and alcohol. It feels so normal for awhile. Everybody talking and laughing and getting drunk. You encourage Glenn to loosen up and he does but he's not really drunk, just tipsy. You have a high tolerance cultivated over years and you aren't drunk either.

Everyone goes to bed early, feeling no pain. That will come in the morning. You find it's easy to leave your room for the bathroom down the hall then slip into Glenn's room on the way back. He's waiting for you, lying on his side facing the door. He doesn't say anything, just rolls onto his back and pulls his knees up. His cock is hard and you feel your own thicken with blood. It's a different feeling front to front. Besides being able to watch each other his cock is pressed between you with the soft full weight of his balls beneath. Your own hang heavy below your cock buried inside him. It's just as good as you imagined it when you told him what you were thinking a few days ago and it happened a hell of a lot sooner than you ever thought possible, bed and all.

The next day everything turns to shit of course and you barely escape with your lives. As the convoy leaves Atlanta you wish Glenn was with you but he's up ahead with Dale and Andrea. You know that Andrea is down about Amy but she better step up the stages of grief or she'll become a liability to everyone. It's a shame that Jacqui stayed behind but you respect her decision. She probably stayed to keep Jenner from dying alone, because she had given up, too.

You and Shane and T-Dog each have a big fuel drum so you stop to siphon gas along the way. It's easy to catch up since Dale's RV in the lead is slow. The drums are full by the end of the day. That will keep everyone moving for awhile. That night you find a quiet spot off the back roads. A quick recon seems to indicate the area is free of walkers. You and Glenn help set up camp then you wheel the motorcycle off your truck. Not getting blown up has taught you once again that time is not on your side. Better do what you want while you can. The others look on indulgently, not even chastising you for wasting gas. You dig out two helmets and hand one to Glenn. Then he's behind you and you guide the motorcycle slowly and quietly to the highway. No need to draw attention to the camp if there are walkers in the vicinity after all. When you reach pavement you open it up and blow past the stalled vehicles. It's exhilarating and you'd like to keep going forever but the gas won't last and the people behind you offer more certainty than the unknown ahead. When you return 20 minutes later everyone looks relieved.

"I would have taken you for someone who ignores helmet laws," Rick says with a smile.

"I was," you tell him. "But you know, brain dead just doesn't mean what it used to."


	4. Recreation

Daryl

A battery rolls out from under the seat of your truck. It fits a flashlight and it still has juice so it's a welcome find and you decide to check what else is there. The last two months have been a scramble and it didn't occur to you to take a look until now. You used the truck but you didn't leave stuff in it. You find another battery, a few small tools, a can of oil, a lighter, matchbooks from a couple of bars Merle frequented and a few loose nails and screws. Nothing that will dramatically improve life but they're useful items that may come in handy. A rolled tarp stuffed under the seat kept everything in place until that battery got loose.

There are a few more things that you keep back. There's not really enough to share with the whole group so you might as well have a private party with Glenn. You tell the others you're going to walk a perimeter, and you do, but after that you find a small clearing. Glenn's eyes widen when you bring out the baggy with weed and papers. It's Merle's but you've been known to smoke a little dope. Merle got into harder drugs in the service but getting stoned occasionally was enough for you. You're passing a joint back and forth when you hear voices and here comes the whole crew. They tend to travel in a pack since there are fewer now.

Rick is in the lead and you see relief on his face that you and Glenn are fully dressed and not doing what he caught you doing outside of Atlanta. You would bet he wanted to look for you by himself but the others insisted on coming along. You lost track of time and they must have gotten worried.

"Oh, shit," you say softly.

"You mean, good shit." Glenn says, unaware of company. You nudge him and he looks up to see Rick and Shane in front.

"Oops. Who called the cops on us?" He giggles. You aren't being mean. It's more giggle than laugh. You've gotten to the point where things seem funnier than they really are.

Everyone is staring dumbfounded. Then Dale steps forward and says, "It's been 20 years. Can you spare a hit?" Several others look like they would like to join him.

You hand Dale the baggy. "Go for it."

"Just a minute." Rick's voice freezes everyone. You figure he's going to confiscate the stash and probably lecture you besides. But he surprises you by saying, "Let's go back to the campsite."

Ten minutes later you're all sharing joints. The grass is gone now so this is a one-time thing and maybe that's why Rick and Shane didn't bother to play drug police. That role has been assumed by the kids who have been well indoctrinated at school.

"Drugs are bad," Sophia whispers.

"Are you all potheads now?" Carl asks.

"I'm a terrible mother." Carol covers her face with her hands. "Right in front of the children." But she doesn't refuse when Andrea passes the joint.

"I know how this looks," Rick tells the kids. "And we're going to talk about it and I'll try to explain. But not tonight. In the morning."

The kids still look disapproving. You remember a couple of things you were saving and go get them. You hand the can of Mountain Dew to Carl and the pack of Juicy Fruit to Sophia. "Join the party you little rug-rats." The comment loses its sting when you laugh. No, it's not a giggle.

The kids smile. Carl pops the top and offers Sophia the first sip. She splits the gum between them. Fucking modern society has turned them into self-righteous prigs but they're polite prigs.

"That is so sweet." Lori gets up and kisses your cheek. She's reached the maudlin stage. It's the loosest everyone has been since that night at the CDC.

T-Dog has only one complaint. "I forgot how powerful the munchies feel when there's nothing to munch on." Food is scarce and it's not what anyone is hungry for at a time like this anyway. Except ...

Glenn catches your eye and gives you that look and you know what you have to do. You offer up the Pringles. Nobody mentions your hoarding, they just fall on the can like hyenas on a gazelle. The chips are parceled out equally and eaten by individual style. Some scarf them in a few bites and then watch as others eat them one by one, licking their fingers after each.

The kids are experiencing their own high, wired on sugar and caffeine. When they crash they go to bed and the rest of you start a serious philosophical discussion about certain classic rock songs. Are they really about drugs? The group is divided between those who think some of the lyrics and song titles are too coincidental to be anything but planned and others who think people read into the songs what they wanted to believe. 'Yellow Submarine' and quaaludes are cited along with 'Horse with No Name' and heroin, and of course 'Puff the Magic Dragon' seems especially appropriate right now. 'Bridge Over Troubled Water' is rejected. The women are sure Paul Simon wrote that one when his wife didn't like getting older. Your personal opinion is that some of them were about drugs but that got retconned when the war on drugs started. It's one of those conversations that can only happen under these circumstances. There's no final conclusion but everyone enjoys arguing and no one gets angry. You're all too mellow for that.

The rest of the group settles down for the night. Besides the munchies, toking always makes you horny so you and Glenn sneak away again. When you're a little high your preference for sex is slow and raunchy but you can't be gone too long. Sucking each other simultaneously will give the best bang for the buck in the least amount of time so you're soon laying head to groin. It's a good thing your mouth is full because you feel like being noisier than usual. You can tell when Glenn is close. His hips buck harder, pushing his cock into your throat. You can't stop your own hips from grinding against him. You try to be careful not to thrust too deep because you're big and you don't want him to choke. His mouth is warm and wet and he drags his tongue along the vein on the underside of your cock. You explode within seconds of each other. It takes a few minutes to come down from the high, sexual this time.

"We owe Merle for tonight," Glenn says. "Too bad he wasn't around for the bonding."

"If he was, he wouldn't have shared." You're being honest.

"Did he share with you?"

You smile, remembering a special recipe with a secret ingredient. "Merle wasn't much of a cook but sometimes he made good brownies."


	5. Reflection

Previous chapters summarized from Glenn's POV

Like many of the survivors, I avoid the Dixon brothers even though we're grateful to them because they're pretty much feeding us since the canned goods are running low. Others do their share of hunting but the Dixons are better at it. And despite not seeming to like any of us very much I'm sure they'll defend camp even if it's just to protect their own property. They have a truck and a motorcycle and they share a tent, the kind used for serious hunting and fishing trips. Plus they've got rifles and knives and the crossbow that Daryl uses mostly. He's deadly with that thing. We'd be worse off without them but they'd be fine on their own which leads to the question: Why did they join us? Answer: So Merle would have someone to terrorize in his spare time. He's big and dangerous and generally unpleasant. Daryl doesn't seem so bad but they're a package deal and too unpredictable to be comfortable around. Daryl is more compact so he's less intimidating. He's a little rough and hotheaded but not mean for no reason. I don't count his lame racial slurs because they seem like an automatic and half-hearted redneck reaction. The motorcycle and crossbow are cool and I'd like a closer look at his tattoos because I can't figure out what a couple of them are supposed to be.

After the day in Atlanta when Rick joined the group, no one was looking forward to telling Daryl about Merle. It went as well as expected which is to say that Daryl went ballistic and he, Rick, T and me went back to the city. I really thought we'd find Merle a little dehydrated but clean and sober and maybe even sorry after spending the night thinking about his psycho behavior. The severed hand was a huge shock and Daryl went crazy. I felt bad for him. Merle seems barely human but he is Daryl's brother and it was hard to watch him on the rooftop when he saw that bloody hacksaw and the hand. Like Elvis, Merle had left the building. Daryl calmed down when Rick agreed to keep looking after we got the gun bag. When I said I wanted Daryl covering me with his crossbow he gave this quick half-proud, half-shy smile that surprised me. I ended up getting kidnapped for awhile but it wasn't his fault. We didn't find Merle but we got most of the guns.

Back at camp Daryl surprised me again by wanting to learn chess and agreeing to teach me how to use the crossbow. He's more patient than I expected, smarter than I thought, and he's kind of fun to hang with now that Merle isn't around. I begin to realize how often I think about him and am wondering when I developed this man crush and then I discover I've become a crotch watcher. I used to sneak looks at girls' boobs and be embarrassed if they caught my eyes at chest level. It's worse when I'm looking below the waist. At a guy. Who I don't think is gay and neither am I. I've only slept with two girls but I liked it a lot and I've never been attracted to a guy before. But Daryl is hot. Scruffy is a good look for him. I'm hard almost all the time. I try to think of my girlfriends or Amy when I jerk off but it doesn't work. And then I see Daryl watching me and I know we're both thinking the same thing. He says I'm ready to go hunting so we leave camp one day and when we're far enough away we start touching each other and then we stop and kiss and it doesn't feel weird to be macking a man.

The sex is better than with the girls I slept with. I come first and while I'm jacking Daryl off he shoots a geek trying to get in the window and suddenly I'm over girls. I didn't expect to be in love with a man but I didn't expect the dead to walk either and both things have happened.

On the way back to camp I bag a rabbit and try not to think about Thumper just like I didn't think about Bambi's mom when Daryl's deer came into camp. Instead I start wondering if the afternoon meant as much to Daryl as it did to me. I thought so at the time but maybe I'm taking the whole thing too seriously. Daryl likes to fuck and if a woman isn't available, why not make do with me? He seems to know what I'm thinking because he stops and tells me he loves me. I know he means it but I'm also sure he didn't plan on saying it so soon. He probably would have waited for me to say it first. But he did it because I needed to hear it. I say it back to him, and I want to be careful of what's between us because he's not as tough as he looks. Not about everything.

* * *

I've never been this happy, even before the world changed. I know Daryl is too, but he's still working through the man on man thing. He's probably a dozen years older and he's been straight until now. It's a lot to process. Meanwhile we find out that anal sex is trickier than it appears. Let's be honest, it isn't a natural function. It's completely worth it but you have to do the prep. Especially if you're hung like Daryl. Not that I'm complaining. I love his cock and it's not out of proportion or anything but it is bigger than average. I've learned to live with it. Very easily.

Some of the others notice that Daryl is different in a good way. Dale is worried about him. And I overhear the women talking about Daryl being nicer without Merle's influence. They think he's taken charge of me so that he can be a better big brother to me than Merle was to him. I don't tell them that he's definitely big but not so brotherly. They might not think it was a change for the better. Not yet anyway.

Daryl needs to define what we have in order to understand it. I jokingly throw out every euphemism I can think of except the one I like, soul mates. It sounds hokey but it feels right. Daryl finally comes up with 'partners' and that's better because it's also true and he's comfortable with it. Later I ask if he wishes I was a woman. I know he loves me but I figure he'd be happier if I was female. I believe him when he says he likes me as I am. He's not as conventional as either of us thought he was.

* * *

The walker attack on camp is devastating. Daryl is stoic but I lose it. I can tell he doesn't understand my meltdown about separating the dead for burning and burial but he goes along with it. That night we slip away, not for sex, just to be close for awhile but we're interrupted by Rick and it's obvious that he thinks a backwoods hillbilly is trying to make me his bitch. I can't resist playing him. It's a release from the terrible day we've just spent. Daryl is trying not to laugh. Rick quickly catches on that this is a consenting adults situation and leaves us alone.

When I see the set-up at the CDC the next night I immediately remember Daryl's wish to get me on a bed. Guess what? Dreams really do come true. And after the awful day that follows, he reciprocates the next night by taking me out on his motorcycle. It feels like flying, arms around Daryl and the endless road stretching ahead. I slide one hand down to cup him. You might think that would be a dangerous move at high speed but Daryl has excellent reflexes and by now he's used to me feeling him up whenever I can. We slow down and turn and stop for a minute before heading back. I ask if he minds me groping him and he says no, but maybe not on the way back. If he doesn't relax, his dick might break when he gets off the bike. I wouldn't want that to happen so I bet he can't come in under two minutes. I kneel on the pavement and blow him on his motorcycle. I lose the bet but it's still a win-win.

* * *

Daryl cleaned out his truck and that's how we got batteries for one of the flashlights. The oil is used to top up the vehicles. The tools are added to Dale's tool chest along with the nails and screws. Everyone gets a book of matches because making fire is a necessity. And just like that all of Daryl's little treasures are gone. That night as we walk the perimeter I'm looking forward to having it off against a tree but Daryl held something back after all and his recreational marijuana is a better plan. He has a lighter so we won't waste matches. I'm a little bummed when the others show up but then it turns into a real party and the best night since the CDC.

The kids are like DEA agents until Daryl distracts them with soda and gum. That's my man. After they go to bed everyone talks about songs I've barely heard of. I'm in my 20's and that's like 10 years younger than the next youngest. Most of them are familiar with the songs because of their parents but Dale knows words and music from personal experience. Turns out he was a hippie and a Deadhead and totally recalls the Summer of Love because apparently there was a lot of love to recall. This is a side of Dale no one has seen before.

Hard to believe that people back then thought the country was going to hell in a handbasket due to sex, drugs and rock & roll. I wonder if someone in 1967 said that the only thing worse than the Beatles would be if the dead started walking. Welcome to the zombie apocalypse. Is it possible that we'll get through this and someday people will be saying it was bad when the dead started walking but that's nothing compared to now? What could be worse than this?

Everyone else heads to bed and I'm regretting that we didn't have it off against a tree when Daryl touches my shoulder. I glance at his crotch and it looks like I'll be getting lucky after all. We shouldn't be away too long so it's fast and raw and sloppy and that's all right with me. Strange that we have Merle to thank for tonight. Daryl says Merle wouldn't have been so generous with his product although he did add it to brownies occasionally. I think about getting baked on baked goods as I lick the tattoo over Daryl's left nipple. Mmm, chocolate.


	6. Disclosure

Daryl

A walker wanders into camp while you're cleaning and restringing the crossbow. She's slow and doesn't appear particularly menacing but that's small comfort when she puts a hand on Glenn's shoulder. He's across the clearing from you and your weapon of choice is dismantled. Glenn doesn't realize at first. He thinks it's one of the others. Time slows down or maybe you speed up because Glenn is just turning with a smile when the knife you pulled from your boot whips past his head and thunks into the walker's eye. She drops, not truly dead yet but incapacitated enough that you can give your attention to Glenn. He's trying to look at his shoulder because you've both seen the walker's fingers sharpened by decomposition. You check carefully before holding him tight.

"It's all right. You're not scratched. Your shirt isn't even torn. We're all right."

You mean that 'we' more than you thought possible because if Glenn isn't all right, neither are you.

Two nights later you're in your tent wondering when you and Glenn can be alone again. Whenever a walker shows up close to camp security is tighter than ever for awhile and it's hard to get away. There's a disturbance outside and you're on your feet in an instant when you hear Glenn laugh. Since it's not an emergency you pull on a wifebeater to go with your boxers and stick your head out the tent flap.

"What the fuck?" You sound grouchy because you are. You had almost dropped off to sleep in spite of feeling a little backed up and now you're going to be thinking about your dick again. Glenn's tent has collapsed. Broken tent pole and it's too late and too dark to fix it now. You're the one whose tent is most comfortable for two so the solution is obvious. Glenn doesn't ask, Rick does.

"Maybe you could share. Just for tonight?"

You stare at him. His face shows nothing but there's a look in his eyes as if he knows he's doing you a favor. Which he is. Pimp.

You turn to Glenn. "No talking. No snoring. Keep your shit on your side of the tent." You go back inside.

Glenn joins you a few minutes later. He dumps his stuff on Merle's side and you move over to make room for him. You're already naked.

"Did you mean that about no talking?" he whispers.

"Yes."

"So that leaves kissing, licking, sucking, fucking, scratching, biting, rubbing, squeezing. It's a long list."

"Let's get started."

The lube ran out so you've been exploring other options. You've also been thinking about why sex is so much better with Glenn. You like women and you liked fucking them and most of the time you even tried to make sure they enjoyed it but it was all about satisfying an urge. The destination is still important but the trip is more fun than it used to be.

You're on your stomach and Glenn's mouth is moving down your back. When did the nerves in your spinal cord reroute to form a direct connection to your groin? Or maybe it's his hand between your legs with fingers pressing your prostate from the outside. Inside is more sensitive but a little practice has proved that a firmer touch outside provides the same stimulation. You turn over because it's going too fast and you want Glenn to catch up. The quickest way is to lick his nipples. You spend a little too long on that plus sucking them and Glenn arrives sooner than you thought. But you should have expected it because it's happened before. Watching him sends you over the edge which has also happened a number of times. You're both able to slow down now. An hour later, about to drift off, you ask what happens when his tent is fixed.

"I'll burn it if I have to," he promises.

Something is different the next morning when you join the others for breakfast. Nothing is said and no one is staring but the group dynamic isn't the same and there are a couple of sidelong glances that give it away.

Glenn turns to you. "They know."

You nod and look at Rick. Not accusingly, just curious, because as far as you're aware he's the only one who knew.

Rick shakes his head. "The kids noticed. When they brought it up, I couldn't stop it."

The kids. What the fuck! And yet, why is it a surprise that the kids figured it out before the adults? You remember thinking these people were idiots when you and Merle joined the group. You changed your mind as time went on and now you might have to change it back again.

"We learned about same-sex relationships," Carl says.

"It's an alternative lifestyle," Sophia adds.

You're stunned speechless but Glenn isn't.

"Only for a small percentage," he tells them, wanting to be accurate.

"But it's more if you include people who only experiment occasionally." Sophia sounds like a talking textbook. They're learning this shit in school instead of on the streets.

Glenn looks at you and shrugs. "They know more than I do."

They sure as hell know more than you do. But they're already bored.

"Let's check the fishing lines," Carl says and they run off towards the river.

"Stay in sight," Lori calls after them. She and Carol look torn between pride that their kids have paid attention in school and unease at the subject matter.

You passed unease ten minutes ago and have reached squirming discomfort. You force yourself not to squirm.

"So," Carol says, "How did you get together?"

"Is this what it's come to?" Glenn asks. "Discussing our sex life?"

"Oh, you men," Lori says with disgust. "It's always about sex, isn't it?"

"We're more interested in your relationship," Carol clarifies. "Obviously you ... care about each other."

You decide to weigh in on the subject - once - and hopefully that will shut everybody up. Forever.

"You can use the word 'love.' We do, and we mean it. Now, do we have to keep talking about it?"

"No, we don't," Rick says immediately.

"I'd rather not," Shane says with relief.

"Glad you're with us on that, man," T tells you.

"Is that enough?" Glenn asks the women. "Or do I have to be attacked again to change the subject?"

"Maybe not," Dale says quietly, looking at Andrea.

She smiles and addresses the group. "You might as well know that Dale and I are together."

That's definitely a new topic of interest. You have a few questions yourself but you don't ask them. Dale catches your eye with a look that says clearly: I brought this up to get you and Glenn off the hook. You nod in acknowledgment. Dale is a friend and men stick together.

Overall you're glad everyone finally knows. It seems like the time is right. No one in this group appears to care. When the dead started walking a lot of prejudices didn't make sense anymore. You know that's true for you. Carol's husband Ed was an asshole on about the same level as Merle and both of them would have had similar reactions to the news. The Morales were too nice to be judgmental but they were also very Catholic and it probably would have bothered them privately. You never felt ashamed but you were self-conscious. Actually you would have been self-conscious about a relationship with a woman, too. You aren't comfortable opening yourself up to another person. You always thought it meant weakness. Lately you've been working on that.

Glenn

We're officially out. I broke the center pole of my tent so I could move in with Daryl. I would have been screwed if Dale offered to share his RV but it turns out that would have cramped his liaison with Andrea so I got to spend the night with Daryl and that led to the big reveal which turned out to be not such a big deal after all. Maybe because we're a small group and we've been together for awhile under the worst possible circumstances. Daryl and I didn't act gay before and we're not going to start now but it's been a pain to always be so careful not to show anything.

Dale told us his brother was gay. He didn't die in the ZA, he died of AIDS in the '80s. T-Dog has a lesbian cousin and Andrea was pretty serious about a guy in college who later switched teams. We all warned Dale that he could be in trouble. A gay brother and a woman who turned her boyfriend gay. They don't seem worried.

Maybe one small good thing that has come from the ZA is the death of political correctness. There was nothing mean or ugly in our conversation, just friends bullshitting about sex. We could talk about politics or religion next. Except there's no government and maybe no God. Okay, sex it is.


	7. Viewpoints

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Expands on the previous chapter, Disclosure.

Carl stumbled sleepily from the tent and made his way to the men's latrine in the woods. Wherever they settled for awhile, digging latrines was the second thing after setting up the tents. Mom was always going on about hygiene and sanitation being important to avoid getting sick. Geez, with dead people walking around, couldn't a kid skip a bath once in a while? Not that Carl wanted to be dirty all the time but sometimes he envied Daryl who got filthy and hardly ever rinsed off. But even Daryl had been cleaning up lately.

As Carl returned to the clearing, Sophia emerged from the girl's side and looked around. "Something's different."

With all the tents scattered it took a few seconds to see that one was missing.

"What happened to Glenn's tent?"

Everyone else was coming out of their tents now.

"Glenn's tent pole broke," Rick explained.

"But where's Glenn?"

"Daryl shared since he's got extra room."

"They should have shared before since they like each other."

The adults froze. Eyes and mouths were agape to varying degrees. Except Rick who closed his eyes for a moment.

Lori recovered first. "Of course they like each other, they're friends. Everyone likes Glenn. Daryl, too, now that we know him better."

"Sure," Carl agreed. "But they like each other the way you and Dad do."

Lori looked stunned, Carol shocked, Andrea surprised, Dale thoughtful. Shane and T-Dog were shaving, taking turns with a mirror. They exchanged a look that said: Did I miss something? Did everyone else know about this?

"Why do you think that?"

The kids shrugged, self-conscious now with all eyes on them.

"Did you … see something?" Carol asked hesitantly.

Sophia nodded. "Daryl hugged Glenn after that walker came to camp."

"He was worried," Andrea said. "He was glad Glenn was okay."

"They're always like that. They're together."

"We shouldn't jump to conclusions."

"We shouldn't discuss it at all," Rick broke in. "It's their business and none of ours."

"It sounds like you know it's true," Lori said.

Rick sighed. "It is."

"How long have you known?"

"A few weeks. Before we left the quarry. Now I mean it. We're not having this discussion. They'll be up any minute."

"Maybe already." Shane couldn't resist.

"I meant they'll be coming out."

"Let's not go there," Dale said.

"This is exactly how we can't behave," Rick said. "These men are our friends."

"You're right," Shane agreed. "It's inappropriate. So how do we play it?"

"We act the same because nothing's changed."

Easier said than done. Breakfast was underway when Daryl and Glenn emerged. The others didn't meet either man's eyes. Good mornings were exchanged but something was off. Daryl and Glenn caught on immediately.

Glenn turned to Daryl. "They know."

Daryl nodded and looked at Rick curiously. As far as he was aware Rick was the only one who knew.

Rick shook his head. "The kids noticed. When they brought it up, I couldn't stop it."

"We learned about same-sex relationships," Carl said.

"It's an alternative lifestyle," Sophia added.

"Only for a small percentage," Glenn told them.

"But it's more if you include people who experiment occasionally." Sophia sounded like a talking textbook.

Glenn looked at Daryl and shrugged. "They know more than I do."

"Am I smarter than a fifth grader?" Daryl mumbled. "Hell no."

"I'd be in sixth grade," Carl said at the same time Sophia said, "I'd be a seventh grader."

But the kids were already bored. "Let's check the fishing lines." They ran off towards the river.

There was silence for a few moments then Glenn asked the others, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Daryl looked at Glenn with disbelief.

Glenn shrugged. "Might as well get it over with."

Daryl didn't appear entirely convinced.

Glenn looked at the group brightly. "Questions? Comments?"

Lori looked at her husband. "Actually, I have a question for Rick. How did you find out?"

"After Merle went missing I was glad to see Daryl settling down and him and Glenn getting along. Then one night I came across them in the woods and they were better friends than I expected."

"Is that why you didn't want to follow them the night of the pot party? Everyone else was getting worried but you wanted to give them more time to patrol."

"I admit I was relieved to find them smoking dope instead of … doing anything else." Everyone laughed.

Dale spoke up. "I wondered once or twice. I suppose I consider it when I observe relationships because of my brother Dean. He died of AIDS in 1984."

Andrea took her turn. "There was a guy in college. I thought we were getting serious and then he suddenly broke up with me. I found out a couple of years later that he was gay. I wondered why he picked me to try to be straight with. And why I didn't know anything was wrong." She looked around. "I didn't mean to make this about me. The point is that even though I had that experience it didn't make me hate gays."

"I thought I was a playa when I was young and stupid," T-Dog said. "Me and my friends did our share of gay bashing. It was just trash talk but that don't make it right. That changed when my cousin Letisha told me she was gay. I had to rethink everything because she was like my big sister. Two years older. She taught me how to hold a girl slow dancing, how to talk to them, how to act around them."

"Well, she would know," Glenn said. Everyone laughed again.

Shane cleared his throat. "I've got no problem with it. I can't say I was comfortable with the idea growing up but as cops Rick and I had all those courses in sensitivity and diversity. You start realizing it doesn't matter. Besides, I trust both of you to have my back … I mean back me up. Dammit, why does everything suddenly have two meanings?"

"Because there are a lot of men here with an adolescent sense of humor," Andrea said. She looked at Daryl and Glenn. "I could so represent you in a lawsuit about hostile environment. If there was still a court system."

"The hostile environment is dead people walking around," Daryl said belligerently. "Sue the government's ass for that. Even if scientists started it you know the fucking feds funded it."

Andrea nodded. "A class action suit. I like it. We'll all be rich someday."

"I want to say something about Daryl and Glenn," Carol said softly. "This is one more reason that I'm glad Ed is gone. He wouldn't have been nice about it. I wouldn't have wanted to hear it from him and I wouldn't have wanted any of you thinking I felt the same way."

Daryl spoke again. "No disrespect to the dead but I would have beat him down worse than Shane did if he said anything to me or Glenn."

"And no one would blame you." Carol smiled. "So, how did you get together?"

"Is this what it's come to?" Glenn asked. "Discussing our sex life?"

"Oh, you men," Lori said with disgust. "It's always about sex, isn't it?"

"We're more interested in your relationship," Carol clarified. "Obviously you ... care about each other."

Daryl shocked everyone then by saying, "You can use the word 'love.' We do, and we mean it."

"Is that enough?" Glenn asks the women. "Or do I have to be attacked again to change the subject?"

"Maybe not," Dale said quietly, looking at Andrea.

She smiled and addressed the group. "You might as well know that Dale and I are together."

That definitely changed the subject, to Daryl's relief.

Later that day Carl approached Glenn. "I was wondering if I could have your old tent. I don't want to share with Mom and Dad forever."

"Sure, but the pole is still broken."

Daryl dug the pieces out. "We can't just replace it with a stick because there's stuff at the top to hook the tent together. But if we put a stick inside and tape it up it should hold." They walked into the woods and looked around. Daryl cut a slender branch and handed it to Carl. "Whittle it down a few places and that will fit."

"I should ask Mom if I can move out."

"My advice is it's easier to apologize after than ask permission before."

Carl was finished by mid-afternoon. The three of them went to the guardian of tools.

"Dale," Daryl said, "Carl here is a single man in need of a tent."

"He can have mine but the pole needs to be fixed," Glenn added.

"With duct tape," Carl said hopefully.

"Tape is a valuable commodity," Dale said seriously, "and as such should only be used for important jobs." He handed over a roll. "Have at it."

Carl had the tent set up before his parents noticed.

"What's going on?" Lori asked.

"I'm getting my own tent," Carl said.

"You're too young. You need to stay with your father and me."

"Now, Lori, he's right between us and Shane with the RV behind him. He'll be fine."

"All right. But you should have asked first. We need to discuss these things."

"Sorry, Mom," Carl said obediently.

Carl couldn't believe it had been that easy. Lying alone that night he decided his life had improved dramatically. He and Sophia were friends but she was a girl and he missed the guys from school and the neighborhood. Shane was like an uncle but he was too close to Carl's parents to be an ally. But now Carl had a place of his own and grown-up friends who knew how to handle parents.

There were private talks that night:

Andrea and Dale

"I'm so sorry about your brother."

"And I'm sorry about your boyfriend. Is he the reason you never married?"

"I suppose I had trust issues. But now I'm glad I didn't have a husband and children. It was bad enough losing Amy. Besides, I was free to make a better choice this time."

"I'm too old for you."

"Age never mattered much before and it's even less of a factor now. We make each other happy."

"I believe Glenn and Daryl are happy as well."

"I think you're right. It's funny to remember Lori, Carol, Jacqui and me talking about how Glenn and Amy would be cute together. But they were never interested in each other."

"Now we know why."

Shane

Daryl Dixon and Glenn. How the hell did that hook-up happen? He meant what he said in group therapy this morning but that didn't mean he couldn't be privately amazed. And then the news about Dale and Andrea. He'd been so focused on his own situation with his best friend back from the dead, leaving him and Lori with guilt and regrets. But it was time to pay more attention to what was going on around him.

T-Dog

He wasn't sure which couple surprised him more, Glenn and Daryl or Andrea and Dale. Andrea was a fine-looking woman and it was too bad she was out of the running. But Glenn and Daryl were, too, which meant less competition if they ever met up with more survivors. Everybody had been interested in their news but not concerned. And the kids hadn't thought it was a big deal. They were the first generation to grow up with tolerance for sexual orientation. Kind of like his parents and grandparents growing up with those campaigns for seat belts and against littering. It took awhile for the effect to trickle down.

Carol

She'd made a mistake with Ed 13 years before and regretted it for most of that time but had been too weak to break away. She had tried her best to protect her daughter and was grateful that Sophia hadn't picked up Ed's prejudices. How odd that the world falling apart was their chance to start over with people who were more like family than Ed.

Lori and Rick

"You couldn't have told me about Glenn and Daryl?"

"It wasn't my secret to tell. But something I don't want the others to know is that I didn't see them by accident. I followed them because I was afraid it was Daryl's idea not Glenn's."

"You thought Daryl was a predator."

"Glenn disabused me of that notion pretty quick."

"What were they doing? Give me a rating."

"Just kissing. PG-13 not R. Another reason I didn't tell is I didn't think it would last. It seemed so unlikely, you know? I thought it was a momentary mutual needs thing. I figured it would end and I hoped there wouldn't be trouble. We're too small a group to have that kind of situation in our midst."

"Do you think it's a sin?"

"I believe in God but not the one that hates homosexuals. And taking the line that you can love the person but hate the act is splitting hairs. So no, I don't think it's a sin but I've always considered it unnatural. It is against the natural order of things. But a certain number of people always fall outside the norm. Some babies are born with a birth defect for no apparent reason. Flu shots are safe except for the few people that die from them. And a percentage of most species is homosexual."

"And it's different when you know the people involved."

"Yeah, Glenn and Daryl are both good men."

"Daryl is certainly a better person recently. I assumed it was Merle's absence but I suppose it's Glenn's presence instead."

"Daryl was so hot-tempered before. Guess we know what some of that anger was repressing. But this morning he went way out of his comfort zone and told us they love each other. That's a huge step for him. But what do you really think?"

"I'm a little worried about Carl."

"You think he would be … influenced?"

"Yes, but not the way you're implying. They're his new best friends. Daryl is three times his age with a motorcycle, crossbow and tattoos."

"Glenn will offset that. He's twice as old as Carl but he's a great kid."

"Of course he is. He's like the camp mascot but he's just as dangerous. He's been roaming the streets of Atlanta with a backpack and a baseball bat. They're cool. We can't compete with that."

"I'd like to think Shane and I are role models."

"It's different because you're cops. He expects you to be heroic. Daryl and Glenn are going to be a bad influence and it has nothing to do with sex. It already started with the tent."

"Oh, come on. It's like Carl having his own room again."

"More like living in a guest house. And you know the next place we camp he'll pitch his tent beside Glenn and Daryl, not us. Then he'll have a tattoo and I won't be able to say anything because the first one will be 'Mom' and how could I object to that?"

"Dial it down, Lori, you're overreacting. There are advantages to Carl moving out. We can have conversations like this." Rick's hand cupped her breast. "And we don't have to wait until he's asleep."

Glenn

Our second night in the tent I ask, "How do you feel about body piercing?"

"I'm not wearing an earring," Daryl replies immediately.

"I think that's wise. It wouldn't be your best look."

"Then what? Tats are one thing but I got shot a few years back and I don't need more holes in my body."

I squeeze the tip of his cock with my thumb and index finger and tug. "A ring would make it easier to lead you around."

For a moment I think I've gone too far. Sparks shoot from Daryl's eyes and I can practically see steam from his ears. Then he relaxes and laughs reluctantly.

"You think you can control me with sex?"

"Yes."

"Do the others know?"

"I doubt if they ever considered the possibility. When Rick followed us that night he thought you were in charge."

"Let's keep it that way."

"We should go hunting tomorrow."

"We're good for food for awhile. We can wait a few days."

"We don't have to actually hunt. Remember that cave we saw last week? We could explore." I wiggle my eyebrows suggestively.

"We don't need the cave. We've got the tent and all the time we want."

"Is our sex life going to be dull and predictable now that we're in the same tent?"

Daryl glares and reaches for me. "Okay, we 'go hunting' tomorrow. But right now I'm gonna make you take that back about dull and predictable."


	8. Inevitable

Daryl

You and the other survivors have been on the move for weeks now, finding a likely place and setting up camp until walkers show up or the hunting runs out. You begin to hope Merle won't be back even though Rick has been leaving markers along the way for Morgan and Duane. But one afternoon the inevitable occurs. You're hunting alone and suddenly Merle is there. You realize he must have been watching the camp and waiting to catch you by yourself.

He's your brother and you can't help being glad he's alive and looks healthy. You hug him with one arm, holding the crossbow with the other. He hugs you back with one handless arm. His other holds a rifle. The stump is ugly but has healed well otherwise. He seems happy to see you but his eyes are cold and distant.

"You're still with them?" he asks. "After what they did to me?"

"You left, Merle. I had no way to find you. If I stayed, you could find me."

He nods, acknowledging the logic. "Looks like a smaller group."

You tell him briefly about the attack at the old camp. The death of Amy, Ed and others, the Morales off to find family in Birmingham, leaving Jim and losing Jacqui. You can tell he doesn't think anyone is much of a loss. Except Amy.

"Figured two brothers could end up with two sisters," Merle says. "Had my eye on Andrea, and Amy for you. But maybe you been comforting the bereaved?"

"She's with Dale."

"That old man?" Merle is surprised.

"He's not that much older than you."

Merle shrugs. "What about Carol? Don't suppose she's grieving for Ed."

"Not much. She's taking care of her daughter and seems to like being on her own."

"Shane still putting it to Lori?"

"I'm not sure." You know he's not, not since Rick arrived. But you don't want to tell Merle that Rick is Lori's presumed dead husband and Carl's father. That seems like too much information and ammunition if Merle is looking for revenge. "Why all the interest in everyone's sex life?"

"Name of the game is survival," Merle says with a grin. "And sex is part of that. Get right back to the basics. What about you? You're not the type to make do with your hand for so long."

Here it is. You wondered what you would tell your brother if the time ever came. You also wonder if it's possible he suspects something. Has he been watching camp long enough to see you and Glenn together? You share a tent now but that wouldn't be so remarkable. Merle is gone and someone else might need a bed. You and Glenn aren't into public displays of affection but it would be obvious even from a distance that you're close friends. It would be a bad idea to lie if Merle is suspicious and you don't want to lie about it anyway.

"Glenn and I are together."

You can tell he had no idea because Merle frowns and looks confused. You can read his thoughts. Isn't Glenn the gook? He's a boy, isn't he? You see his mind come to the understanding of what you mean. And then he's trying to justify it and comes up with an acceptable solution. You've both been in prison and sometimes men do things there that they wouldn't do outside. You never did. You don't know if Merle did but if so you're sure he was on the giving end not the receiving end. That would have been the only possible outcome.

"You're fucking the slant-eye?"

You don't take the easy way out and let him think it's one way. "We're fucking each other."

Merle shakes his head as if he hasn't heard right. "You let him fuck you?"

You nod. "We blow each other, too. And pretty much everything else."

"You turned queer?"

"Yeah."

"Because men outnumber the women. But there's more women out there. We'll find 'em." Merle is making excuses for you. He cares enough to try and find a way around this.

You shake your head. "If not Glenn, then Rick or somebody I haven't met yet. But it's going to be a man." You just kicked Rick under the bus in order to protect Glenn. You don't want Merle to know what Glenn means to you. You don't want him to think he could get rid of Glenn and the problem would be solved. Merle knows the other men in the group but he barely met Rick so he's the one you use to try and let Merle know Glenn isn't that special and you'll just go on to another guy if he isn't around.

"You fucking faggot!" Merle has come to the end of his patience. You recognize the white-hot rage that possesses him. He starts for you. You don't know if he intends to beat you or if he considers you so far gone that he might as well kill you. Even with one hand he is capable of either.

Your whole body jerks as you wake up. You're on your back in the tent with Glenn next to you. His arm is across your waist with one leg hooked over your hip. He felt the jerk and mumbles sleepily, "Okay?"

"Just a bad dream."

"What happened?"

"Merle came back."

"So, a nightmare more than a dream."

"Yeah."

"Tell me."

You tell him briefly. You leave out the derogatory terms because you don't like to think of them coming from your subconscious even though you know Merle would use them. You've used them yourself in the past.

"Rick, huh? You've got my replacement lined up already?" He understands what you were doing in the dream and is trying to lighten the mood.

You think if something happens to Glenn you will be done with men and women. You've thought back on all the men you used to know and the men you know now and you feel nothing sexual for them. Or for the women either. It's like you and Glenn are fucking soul mates or something. You don't hate the idea. You just never thought that kind of thing actually happened.

"Do you really think Merle will show up?" Glenn asks.

"Unless he's dead, it's likely our paths will cross again."

"Maybe he learned a lesson. A trauma like that could do it."

"That doesn't sound like Merle."

"People change." Glenn's meaning is clear: You did.

But you were always different from Merle. You consider the matter and you just don't think Merle has the capacity for that kind of change. Still, you don't know for sure and there's no need to judge yet or to make Glenn worry unnecessarily.

"It's possible," you say.

But Glenn knows you too well already. He knows you said it more for him than any real conviction on your part.

"You don't have to agree to make me feel better. If Merle does find us and he hasn't forgiven, he'll be after Rick and T-Dog. Maybe Andrea and me, too, because we saw what happened."

Yeah, public humiliation is likely to cause Merle to take revenge on witnesses as well as perpetrators.

"I'll handle it."

"You wouldn't kill him?"

You are silent for a long moment. "If I have to."

"He's your brother."

"You're more than that. I can live without Merle."

Losing Glenn is the thing that could make you give up. You wouldn't kill yourself. But when something dangerous needed to be done, you would do it. You would keep taking chances until something happened to let your body know that your heart is already dead.

Glenn's knee is pressed against your groin. Your cock twitches and his hand reaches for you but it was a false start and that one small jerk is the only response you have. Your chest feels tight. Glenn catches on right away that nothing is going to happen. He looks up and sees tears. You blink but you can't stop them. You're crying not only because you may have to kill your brother but because you know that you'll be able to do it.

Glenn doesn't watch you, he just lays close. After awhile he says, "Maybe the dream was a good thing. It won't make it easier if the time comes but it might at least make it quicker, if you've come to terms with it."

He might be right. It helps a little to think so. Everyone's world narrowed down after the apocalypse. Glenn is the center of yours now, and the most important thing in it. As an adult you never lived with anyone but Merle. Women weren't encouraged to spend the night and you didn't stay with them either. Glenn is the closest you've been to another person in your life. It's comforting to have him next to you.

But in the morning he's gone.

Glenn

I blame the Tabasco sauce.

It started when Daryl left for an afternoon hunt. He usually takes the whole day so he can go out early and be back before dark. But he got a late start and when he wasn't back for dinner everyone was a little concerned but not really worried. He didn't show up until almost ten o'clock and he had three wild turkeys. He took the extra time to get more than one because he wants to start smoking meat so we'll have a reserve.

We saved supper for him but the fried fish was cold and greasy and then he dumped on the Tabasco sauce. Too late to be eating shit like that. I felt a little sick just watching him. No wonder he had a nightmare about Merle when he went to sleep right after.

He cried when he told me he would kill Merle if he had to. Not loud sobs, just eyes overflowing and that was worse because it's so like Daryl to be loud when he's angry but quiet when he's in pain.

Daryl is usually awake before me but not this morning. I'm watching him sleep and thinking that even though we've been together for weeks our closeness is recent enough that he's going to be embarrassed because he cried and he couldn't get it up. He needs something else to think about as soon as he wakes up. Being angry with me will do. I leave a note on the pillow, 'Gone swimming' and head for the river. I pull off my briefs and leave them on the bank with my baseball bat and a gun.

The water feels good because Georgia in late summer is still hot and humid and there's no A/C. Daryl appears silently. He looks furious. He's in boots and pants and carrying the crossbow. The boots are unlaced and the pants are unzipped and quite a bit of Daryl is showing in front.

"The fuck are you doing out here alone?" he hisses.

"How do you like it?"

He stares at me. He thought because I didn't mention it last night that I wasn't going to get into it with him about hunting alone so late. He thought the turkeys would shut me up. He thought wrong. But he had a bad night and I've made my point so I don't push it. After a few seconds to be sure he got the point I smile and say, "I haven't been here ten minutes. I knew you'd be along soon."

He strips, lays the crossbow on his clothes and wades in. I don't have time to take a breath before he pulls me under but Daryl does and instead of sucking my tongue he blows air into my mouth when we kiss. His lips are cold but his breath is warm. We surface, laughing. We're both hard and after the misfire last night we're ready. Buoyancy is a problem at first until we get the knack of tangling arms and legs so we don't float away from each other. Then suddenly gravity is an issue and we start sinking. We're both aching for release by the time we're successful. Afterwards we swim to the middle of the river where the current is strong and then turn back so we aren't carried downstream away from our weapons.

We dry off with the towel I brought. He watches as I pull on my briefs. Daryl only wears boxers but I have both so I wear whatever is clean.

"Those things are bad for your sperm count," he tells me.

"Are we trying to get pregnant?"

"It's not just that. Boxers let your balls breathe."

"If it'll make you feel better I'll go commando like you are." He's being careful with the zipper. "Need some help?"

"Your hands on my dick won't help me zip up." Pause. "But you can unzip later."

As we head back to camp I decide that if Merle ever shows up and if he has to die, I'll do it so Daryl doesn't have to. Daryl would lie or die or kill for me. I'd do the same for him.


	9. Interludes

Daryl

You ask Glenn if he's ready and he says he is but you're not sure he knows what that means. He's never done this before. It's going to hurt. Only a little you hope, not a lot, but it will take a while and the pain has a cumulative effect.

"Tell me if you want me to stop," you say.

"Just get started already. I'll be okay."

Glenn is lying on his back. You've already traced the Korean symbols he drew earlier. Your name is in the middle of his chest over the heart:

**데릴**

You prick his skin and begin inking the tattoo. When it's finished, you'll add his name in Korean to your own chest:

**글랜**

Glenn is watching closely so he can help.

* * *

Glenn

Happy birthday to me! A lot of us lost track of time after the ZA including me. I could tell the date within a few days but not exactly. That's not good enough for Dale. He keeps count of days on his calendar just like he keeps track of hours by winding his watch. These rituals are important to Dale and it's nice to be able to check with him if you want to know for sure. He marked everyone's birthday on the calendar as well. And he keeps a journal. Whenever we go for supplies we pick up notebooks so he won't run out.

I'm not expecting a celebration because Daryl isn't the kind to observe these occasions. But I'm wrong because he hands me a large box and it's a fucking crossbow. Brand new. I definitely wasn't expecting this because we're always looking for guns and ammunition and any other weapons wherever we go. Most everything is cleaned out by now.

"Where did you get this?" I'm already opening it.

"That hunting outlet a couple of weeks ago."

"There was nothing left."

"Found it in the stock room on a shelf behind a dead geek. T-Dog carried it out in his duffel bag so you wouldn't see it."

"You should have the new one," I tell him. "You're a better shot."

"Know your weapon," Daryl says, as he's said before. "I know that bow," he nods to his crossbow lying nearby. "You can get to know this one."

* * *

Daryl

You wake up to hear Glenn stumbling out of the tent. You follow because he can't need to pee so bad that he's groaning. He barely makes it to the tree line and is throwing up noisily and messily. You don't mind. When you were younger you got puking drunk a few times. When you turned 30 you started pacing yourself. Merle never learned to do that so you're used to dealing with the afflicted. But this is different because Glenn isn't drunk.

You're worried because any illness or injury can become serious and you don't have access to real medical help. There are a couple of first aid kits and a small supply of over-the-counter and prescription meds and that's it. Replenishing is difficult because almost every place you check has been looted. Fortunately you're an isolated group and no one has been sick for a long time. Where would Glenn have picked up a bug? It's more likely to be something he ate but food poisoning would affect everyone because you're all eating the same thing. You hope it's not appendicitis.

He's pale and trembling so when you get back to the tent you dig out your thermal underwear and he puts them on while you get a bucket and a bottle of water. He swishes and spits and lies back down. You spoon him to keep him warm. After awhile his skin feels feverish instead of chilled so you get cold water and a washcloth and sponge him down. He uses the bucket twice more before morning but seems to settle after that. You make him sip water slowly so he doesn't dehydrate.

You tell the others Glenn has been sick all night and to stay away until you know what's going on. They bring you breakfast which you eat outside the tent. You're sure that's not a sight or smell Glenn needs if he wakes up just then.

Two hours later his eyes open and he smiles. He's a little weak and shaky but also sweaty which means the fever has broken.

"Feel better?" you ask.

"Much. Thanks for taking care of me."

"You'd do the same for me, wouldn't you?"

"Of course. But you're never sick."

"I think you're going to get your chance." You reach for the bucket and your breakfast comes up.

* * *

Glenn

I wake up before Daryl. When I move he turns from his side onto his back and his boxers slide down an inch and the front opening gapes. I slip one hand inside and press down and his cock pushes back. When I pull my hand out it follows. It's swollen and dark with engorged blood. Is it possible that it's bigger from all the exercise it's been getting? Probably just looks bigger because it's poking through the slit. He's still asleep but his thighs part and he shifts a little so I position myself between his legs. He wakes up when I start licking and his hands reach for me. I push them under his legs and place one arm across his hips.

"No hands and no moving," I tell him.

He looks intrigued at first, as if he's going to enjoy himself by laying back and letting me do all the work but a minute later it's not so fun. He needs to thrust and he likes to hold my head.

"C'mon ..." There's just a touch of whine in his voice. I shake my head because my mouth is full.

He's tense, not in a good way, and he's making sounds verging on real anguish when I relent and move my arm and pull his hands free. He could have moved anytime but he played by my rules. He was so close that it doesn't take long to finish. He shoots, he scores, I swallow. He's still panting when I look up the length of his body. His hands move from my head to my arms and he pulls me up. Excellent upper body strength. I stop at the tattoo of my name on his chest and kiss the rest of the way up. I'm lying flat on top of him and I'm hard. When I try to reach between us he tightens his arms around me and just barely rocks against me. The friction feels fantastic but there's not nearly enough of it and it's going to take fucking forever and I can't stand it. I'm making the same sounds he was making a few minutes ago. Payback.

He rolls us over and moves down to taste me and everything gets exponentially better. What the hell? At this point I wouldn't know my own name if I wasn't reading it on his chest. How did I come up with a word like exponen ... I forget about coming up with words and just come instead.

We're lying side by side while our breathing slows and synchronizes. Daryl has serious bedhead but it's pretty much all day not just in the mornings. My hair is smooth and lays flat, maybe because I wear a cap so much. Daryl tends to run his hands through his hair and it sticks out all over. I think it's cute but he would hate that word.

"Your hair looks cute when it's messy," I tell him.

* * *

Daryl

You wake up shivering. It's fall now and the temperature dropped last night enough to need a blanket. Which Glenn is wrapped in looking very fucking cozy while your balls are trying to crawl up your ass for warmth.

You pull at a corner. No response. You jerk it this time and stick your tongue in his ear to get his attention and say loudly, "I'm cold, you cover-hog."

He wakes up, smiles sleepily and spreads the blanket over both of you. Heat envelopes you. Glenn moves closer and assumes his usual position with an arm and a leg across you. Ahhh. You drift back to sleep.

You wake up almost sweating. Glenn is like a fucking furnace and the blanket is trapping all the heat. But an hour ago you were cold so it doesn't seem like a good idea to complain again. You try to discreetly fold the blanket back but Glenn wakes up and knows immediately what's going on.

"You're hot," he says.

"Thanks. So are you."

He laughs, probably more surprise that you made a joke than the actual humor. He asks, "Is this going to happen a lot? 'Cause it's going to be a long winter."

"It's just the first couple of days when the season changes."

"If you stick one foot out from the covers, it kind of regulates your body temp."

You don't believe it but you do it because you don't want to argue with him. Your foot will be a block of ice. You doze off again.

You wake up in the morning perfectly comfortable. Your toes aren't even cold. Son of a bitch, it worked.


	10. Previously

Daryl

You wake up earlier than usual and lay watching Glenn sleep. There was a disagreement yesterday and you've both been quiet since then. It won't last long but meanwhile there is silence and no touching. You spend some time thinking about your past and being in love for the first time in your life. With a man.

Your brother Merle is nine years old when you're born. You learn later that in between there were a couple of miscarriages and a sister who died of crib death. Your parents have never been shy drinkers but after you start school they take it up more seriously and eventually drink themselves to an early grave via the no passing zone on the highway two miles from home. It's not always true that drunks walk away from accidents because they're relaxed. A head-on collision with a semi ruins their chances.

Merle is in the Army but he comes home for the funerals. You're 16 and can live by yourself so there's no need for him to stick around after. You've basically been on your own since Merle enlisted anyway. You haven't seen him for two years and you can tell he's changed, not for the better.

You're about nine the first time you consciously rub your dick just because it feels good. It started before that but that's when you become aware of it. It gets stiff but it's dry and hurts after awhile if you don't use something to slick it up. Eventually you start self-lubricating and that's pretty cool. Sliding pre-come around the head and up and down the shaft takes the experience to a whole new level. And your cock is getting bigger and sticking up so it slaps your belly.

The first time you come you think something might be broken inside but everything still works so you proceed to beat off as often as possible. Until you hear it's bad for you so you try to cut back and then you start waking up with your underwear sticky. That doesn't make sense. If it's going to happen anyway, you might as well participate and enjoy it.

Merle comes home on leave when you're 14 and you pee in the woods while hunting. "Jesus Christ, is that thing still growing," he says. "It's big as mine already."

Years later you're proud of being well endowed but right now you're embarrassed. You're already aware of size from changing clothes at school. Not that any of you stare at each other but it's a locker room and everyone is checking each other while trying not to look. You're bigger than everyone but Jack and that's probably because he's a year older from being held back in third grade.

Merle gives you some advice. "With a weapon like that at your disposal, don't go riding bareback 'less you want to be fathering little bastards all over the county."

You don't want that so you always use a condom.

You lose your virginity at 15 to Betty Jo Page who is a year older and notorious for giving a guy his first fuck and first blowjob and then moving on to the next one. No exceptions. Except you. She comes back for seconds just before she graduates and leaves town. There's a third encounter two years later when you run into her by accident. She's getting married in a few weeks and wants it one more time. You never see her again.

Merle comes home soon after on a dishonorable discharge. The Army will put up with a lot, and provide the appropriate disciplinary action, in order to have big mean guys available as fodder should the need arise. But there are limits to what they can allow and Merle finally exceeds them. Merle sees no need for higher education. In his case no higher than junior year when he dropped out and never bothered to get a GED.

You quit college and you and Merle live together amiably. You hunt, fish, trap. There's other work sometimes, mostly temporary jobs to make extra money. There are women available over the years. Not hundreds, you aren't going for any records, but probably a couple of dozen. You discover that you don't much like kissing until years later with Glenn. A certain amount is necessary to get a girl into bed but it feels more intimate than fucking and while you like the women you fuck well enough, you don't want to be intimate and you don't want to share your feelings and you don't want commitment. Even later with Glenn you don't share easily but it doesn't matter because you often seem to know what the other is thinking.

Time passes faster than you realize. Except your prison term. That goes pretty fucking slow so you have plenty of time to think about how you got there. You take the weight for your actions and also for the fact that you let yourself be influenced by Merle. Sure, he's older and bigger and tougher but you're not a candy ass yourself and you went along with everything. It's the beginning of drawing away from Merle. You're more careful after that but in the end it doesn't matter because a few years later the dead start walking and that's a development that brings you and Merle close again. For a couple of months anyway.

Now Merle is gone and you're in love with a man.

Glenn's skin is tanned gold and his almond-shaped eyes tilt. He's Eastern not Western.

You're in love with an Asian man.

Your own pale skin has weathered over the years and there are some lines from rough living and squinting into the sun. You're 13 years older than Glenn and will hit 40 in a few years although you don't feel it.

You're in love with a younger Asian man.

Are there any more adjectives you can add to the description?

Glenn stretches and yawns, opens his eyes and asks, "You're not still pissed, are you? Because I'd like to get laid sometime soon."

There's the missing piece. You're in love with a mouthy young Asian man.

And you're happy about it so you kiss him and tell him you aren't mad anymore. You want to get laid, too.

Glenn

We don't fight much but there's the occasional difference of opinion. And we don't act like a couple of flaming queens of course. We just ignore each other for awhile. I take the opportunity to think about my past and being in love for the first time in my life. With a man.

My parents came to the U.S. before I was born. Legally! Although I guess no one is checking green cards anymore. I had the usual Korean-American childhood with my parents trying to keep Korean tradition alive in the face of rampant American excess. I tended toward the excess. Except sexually. I think I was a little behind with puberty. First kiss at 16. Hole-punched the v-card after senior prom. I didn't tell my parents about that American tradition. There was another girl at college but I didn't want to get serious about anyone yet. And then I got into some trouble. And debt. And more trouble. And I might have had to go crawling back to my parents except for the ZA. I would rather have gone to my parents than have something so terrible happen but that wasn't an option and now everyone has to deal with it the best we can. I was lucky to meet up with Dale and the others. And even luckier when the Dixons joined us although I didn't think so at the time.

But Merle is gone, at least for now, and I've acquired my third partner. A Scots redneck with a racist brother from whom he learned a lot of bad habits. The Dixons are violent men but Daryl isn't cruel like Merle. They grew up in a small poor community where education wasn't a priority. But it's not just their environment, it's their heritage. Their bloodthirsty warrior ancestors painted themselves blue and ran around the bogs naked with spears, scaring the professional Roman soldiers who were hoping to conquer them and build another road that led to Rome. Daryl naked with a spear ... I'm a little turned on right now. Maybe a lot. He's got a blue button down shirt with the sleeves cut off. He looks good in blue.

He's older, too, not a huge difference but 13 years is enough that we're both aware of it. It never bothered me and I don't think it bothers Daryl either. There are more important things to worry about like food and not dying. And having sex. Which we haven't for three days. I admit that's not a long time but we've gotten used to a certain frequency and I miss it. And him. So I'm lying here pretending to be asleep and I know he's watching me and because I'm the more flexible one, I'm going to make the first move. Also because the argument was my fault. And I love him. Did I mention that?

Daryl

You're glad it's all right again between you and Glenn but sorry it happened in the morning when you have limited time. Then you notice it's not getting lighter. You check outside and see the sky gray and overcast. Lightning flashes and thunder follows. Other tent flaps open and you wave to each other. The camp is battened down and you're all staying inside for now. You turn back to Glenn as a steady downpour starts. A few minutes later you're moving together in rhythm with the falling rain. You'll speed up soon enough but for now it's slow and easy.

Glenn

Daryl is on his stomach and I'm straddling his hips, kneading his shoulders and back. He's strong but he doesn't have those ugly bunched masses that bodybuilders get. I prefer the lean muscles moving under my hands. I remember something I was thinking of earlier.

"We should make spears. Hit a geek at the knees and drop him then angle the point through the eye to reach the brain. It would be more efficient than bashing away with baseball bats."

Daryl looks back approvingly. "Good idea. How'd you come up with that?"

I lay flat on top of him and hook my chin over his shoulder. "Actually, I was thinking of you and blue paint and bogs."

* * *

A/N: Norman Reedus was in 'The Notorious Bettie Page' so I used that title to explain Daryl's first time. He also played Jack in 'Sand' so that's the name of the only boy whose junk is as big as Daryl's.


	11. Simulation

Glenn

Daryl and I are doing target practice with our crossbows. He doesn't need the practice so he's fooling around with almost impossible shots and making a decent number of them. I'm working on accuracy and consistency and getting familiar with my best ever birthday present.

"Do you think we would have gotten together if the ZA hadn't happened?" I ask just as Daryl releases an arrow.

He jerks, misses and glares at me. "You fuck up my concentration, we're not going to be together now."

I ignore the empty threat. "It's practice. I wouldn't do it on a hunt. Answer the question."

"It's hypothetical and the world changed too much. There is no answer."

"That means you think the answer is 'No' but you don't want to say so. You can say what you think."

"All right, we probably wouldn't have met much less ended up like this."

"Don't you believe in fate? You can't think of any circumstances where it might have happened? You went to Atlanta sometimes and you eat pizza. That's two common factors."

"Why do I have to do this? Why can't you think of something?"

"If you come to Atlanta, it has to be your story, your motivation."

"You could have come to me."

"What would I be doing in Bumfuck, Georgia?"

"You know it's Benford."

"Freudian slip. I was looking at your ass. But the question remains. Why would I go there?"

"You aren't going to leave this alone, are you?"

"No."

He sighs. "I'll give it some thought."

Daryl

You ride your motorcycle to Atlanta for the weekend. Merle thinks you're tired of the local talent and want to tear off a piece of city ass. It's been awhile since you handled yourself and even longer since a woman handled you and it would be good to relieve some tension but the real reason for going is to get away from your brother for a couple of days. You're grating on each other's last nerve and Merle would let it fester to a blow-up instead of taking a break from each other.

You're riding the motorcycle instead of driving the truck because you don't want to leave it at home. You and Merle each have a motorcycle and you share the truck. Merle totaled his chopper a few weeks ago and had no insurance and can't afford to replace it yet. He misses playing biker dude and thinks brothers should share and share alike. You disagree because you take better care of your stuff than Merle does his and he's no more careful of yours than his own. So he's using the truck unless you really need it and you won't let him borrow your motorcycle.

Spring in Georgia makes for a nice ride. You stop at a couple of hunting outfitters and gun stores and are heading for a motel when your life changes because you witness an accident. A kid on a motor scooter is sideswiped right in front of you and you barely avoid running him over. The kid is lying on the pavement. There's some blood but it's not visibly spurting or pooling around him. He's wearing a helmet and you aren't sure you should move him without bracing his neck. The woman at fault is horrified but before 911 can be called you notice a hospital across the street and the emergency entrance is practically opposite. Some employees on a smoke break have sprung into action and a gurney is on its way. A patrol car pulls up behind your motorcycle with lights revolving.

The cops divert traffic while the kid's neck is being immobilized. The gurney heads for the ER and the female cop starts with the woman's statement. The male cop asks if you are a witness. You nod and he tells you to stick around. He snaps pictures of the accident scene and gets some measurements then says, "Let's take this off the street." He wheels the scooter across to ER parking and you follow with your motorcycle.

Back at the accident the woman's SUV has little damage and she's leaving. You aren't surprised she's not coming to the hospital. By now her husband and lawyer and insurance agent have all advised her to say nothing incriminating and admit no fault and to get away as quickly as possible. The cop who took her statement has to respond to another call and will pick up her partner when he's finished with your statement and the victim's. You enter the ER. The kid is being worked on in a cubicle. The cop takes your statement then goes to see the kid. He didn't say you could leave and you didn't ask. You figure you better stay in case there are questions after he talks to the kid.

The cop comes out and says you're free to go. You ask if the kid is all right. "We'll get a medical report for the file," he says noncommittally then he leaves. Privacy issues probably prevent passing along any info. It's none of your business but still, the kid got hit in front of you and he's been here for an hour and no one has showed up for him. You approach his cubicle and a nurse asks if she can help.

"Is the kid all right?"

"Are you family?"

You're about to tell her no and make your escape, having done your duty, when a voice from the cubicle calls out, "Daryl, is that you? He's my cousin."

What the fuck? He must have gotten your name from the cop but what is this cousin crap?

The nurse smiles and motions you in. You're curious enough to go. A young man is being stitched up by a doctor. Without the helmet it's obvious that he's a chink. Your dad called them Chinamen. The doctor raises her brows at you. "Cousin, huh?" she says to her patient.

The kid gives her a look and says, "Ever hear of adoption?"

That shuts her up. In fact her blush would be visible if she wasn't black. You can read embarrassment in her face that a professional woman of color has been politically incorrect to a fellow minority and a patient no less. You kind of admire that this kid thinks fast and doesn't take any shit. And then you're amused that the three of you form the basis of a bad joke. A redneck, a chink and a nigger walk into the ER. Could be a funny story if you weren't living it right now in some kind of twilight zone.

"You call your folks?" you ask then wonder if that's a mistake. Maybe he doesn't have family.

"I'm not dying so I'm not going to tell them. I'm still covered under their insurance. They'll find out when they get the bills."

The doctor finishes stitching the kid's arm. You realize you don't know his name. "How is he?" you ask.

"Contusions, six stitches in this laceration on his arm, and a possible concussion. He can't be released unless someone can stay with him tonight. Is that you?"

The kid is making crazy eyes at you that clearly mean 'Yes.'

"Sure," you say. The kid wants out of the hospital. He'll call a friend and you'll be off the hook. The doctor is explaining that Glenn - you finally have a name - has to be awakened every three hours to check his pupils and make sure he's responsive.

"Can you handle that?" she asks.

You actually have recent experience since Merle had a suspected concussion when he crashed his motorcycle. "Yeah," you tell the doctor, and then turn to Glenn. "Remember 'Cousin Merle' last month?"

The kid grins.

The doctor takes your sarcastic tone as evidence of the family connection instead of a reason to doubt it. "Accident prone family," she says.

Glenn gets a prescription, signs paperwork and is released to your care. Outside he says, "Thanks for going along. I appreciate it."

You nod. "Your scooter is gone."

"It belongs to my boss. I called him and he came and got it."

The asshole didn't even come in to check on his employee. "What do you do?"

"Pizza delivery."

You're surprised. This kid seems too bright to be delivering pizza. Maybe it's a part-time job while going to school. "You calling somebody?" you ask.

He hesitates. "Yeah, I should find a phone."

You know he's lying. "Do you have anybody to call?"

"No," he admits.

"What about your folks?"

"Not unless I'm dying. I'll be all right. Doctors are always overly cautious."

That may be true but a concussion is nothing to mess with. Wasn't there an actor a few years back whose wife got a bump on the head while skiing and died later? Your life just got complicated because even though there are more fucking Chinese on the planet than any other race and one won't be missed, you don't want that one to croak while you're responsible for him.

"Unless you want to change your mind and call somebody, I'm stuck. I'm in town for the weekend. If you don't want me to know where you live, I'll get a motel room and we'll stay there."

"I want to go home. I don't mind if you know where I live."

The kid was so sharp in the hospital that you figured he wasn't concussed but now he seems wiped out. Adrenaline dump probably. You're carrying the helmet they took off of him. It's a little beat up but functional. You hand it to him and put on yours. He's still standing there holding it and he looks unfocused. You put the helmet on him and ask if he can hold on for the ride to his apartment and he nods. He gets on behind you and puts his arms around you and gives directions. It's a shabby building in a rundown neighborhood. You don't feel out of place because it's the city version of how a lot of people live in your neck of the woods. The small house you share with Merle isn't much better.

His apartment is cramped but you're relieved to see a sofa so at least you can stretch out until you notice there's no door to a bedroom because it's a one-room studio with a tiny bathroom in the corner. The sofa is a pull-out bed and the only other chair doesn't look comfortable. This will teach you to be a Good Samaritan. The kid looks about to crash. He walks in and heads for the bathroom with his prescription to take a pain pill. You pull out the bed and he thanks you when he comes back. He kicks off his shoes and shucks his jeans and shirt. Bruises are starting to show. His skin looks paler than it should. He's slender but not skinny. There's some muscle definition. You stop because you realize you're inventorying a complete stranger's body, a young man, and that's creepy. He falls into bed and tells you he doesn't have much food in the house. If you want to go out for dinner, he'll be fine. You can take his key. He's not hungry and you agree it might be a bad idea for him to eat right now.

You're back in an hour. Glenn is sleeping so you wander around and look at a couple of photographs of him with girls. He looks several years younger in one and he's wearing a tux and the girl is in a fancy dress. Probably a prom picture. The other is more recent. He's a good-looking kid and the girls are cute. You stop snooping and settle on the chair. It's only ten o'clock but you don't mind an early night. You set your watch alarm for midnight but you only doze and are awake before it goes off. You wake Glenn up and check his eyes and ask him what he does for a living because you need to make sure he's not disoriented and that's one of the few things you know about him. He says you'll be worse off than him by morning if you sleep in the chair. He moves over to make room and goes back to sleep. You set your alarm for three o'clock, take off your boots and lay down. It's a pretty comfortable sofa bed. The alarm wakes you and you wake Glenn and check his eyes again. He didn't take a pill at midnight and is hurting now so he takes another one and goes to sleep again.

You set your alarm for six o'clock but you wake up a little before because someone is in your personal space and you aren't used to that because you don't spend the night with women you sleep with. You're on your back and the kid is on his side next to you with an arm across your waist and one leg hitched over yours. Apparently he's healthy enough to have morning wood because it's pressing against your thigh. This whole situation is all kinds of wrong but you decide not to overreact because you aren't queer and neither is he if the pictures are any indication. He was in an accident and he's on pain meds. You aren't a cuddler but he must be and he isn't responsible for what he did in his sleep. You're about to wake him when he stretches and thrusts his boner against you, and enough is enough.

"Let me check your eyes," you say loudly. He opens them and moves away from you.

"Sorry, I tend to spread out when I sleep."

He doesn't sound embarrassed by what has occurred. Is he even aware of it? Out of the corner of your eye you can see the bulge in his briefs. He casually reaches down and adjusts himself before getting out of bed and heading for the bathroom. He's in there longer than it takes to pee. Is he taking another pill, checking his bruises and stitches, or is it possible he's rubbing one out a few feet from you? You know what you would be doing and if he's doing it, he's being quiet about it.

He comes out and asks if you want to shower. You tell him to go first. You hope he doesn't come out in a towel or naked and dress in front of you but he takes underwear and clothes to the bathroom with him. You check his kitchen. Cereal, a few eggs and some bread. You fix eggs and toast and set the table and put out the cereal and milk. He looks surprised when he exits the bathroom and says you didn't have to do that. You tell him you are hungry and he should be, too. He is. After breakfast he cleans up the kitchen while you shower.

When you're dressed again he says you probably had plans for the weekend and he's sorry he screwed them up for you. He thanks you again. You nod, collect your gear and leave. You were going to take a look at used motorcycles and let Merle know what's available but it's Sunday morning and the place isn't open yet. You don't feel like sticking around so you head home early. You don't tell Merle what happened and he doesn't ask about your weekend. He's still surly about the motorcycle.

You think about Glenn the next few days, telling yourself you wonder if the kid is all right. Nobody seems to care about him. You wrote down his phone number when you were snooping and on Wednesday morning you call.

He sounds fully recovered when he says, "Tell me your trauma."

"Is that how you answer the phone?"

"Yes, dad, it is."

You pause. Is it possible you sound like his fucking father? He did mention adoption. Maybe he's a chink with American parents and that's why they don't get along.

"I'm not your dad. It's Daryl. Dixon."

"I know, I recognized your voice. I was just messing with you. How are you?"

"That's what I called to ask you."

"I'm fine. It's nice of you to check."

"Well, if you have a relapse, your cousin is going to get blamed."

He laughs. "You really went above and beyond by going along with that. Did I thank you?"

"Too much."

"I won't say it again, then."

"Be careful out there." You hang up before either of you can say anything else.

It's supposed to be over. You checked on him and now you can forget about the whole thing. Except you're thinking of him more and more. You tell yourself you can't be sure he's okay unless you see for yourself. On Saturday Merle has community service as part of his most recent probation. You drop him off at eight o'clock and tell him you'll pick him up at five. Then you head for Atlanta. You're driving the truck this time because Glenn hasn't seen it and you don't intend that he sees you. You drive by the pizza place and there are other kids on scooters but Glenn isn't one of them. You head for his apartment and there he is walking along a block from his building. He's wearing his usual jeans and tee shirt plus a baseball cap. He's moving easily and looks good. He turns into his building. You feel like a fool and a stalker and a pervert and you leave before he gets to his apartment and chances to look out the window and maybe recognize you even if he doesn't know the truck.

Back home you pick up Merle and have supper together and Merle goes to the local bar. He'll get a ride with someone later. You go to a bar one town over and drink a lot and go home with Sharleen. She's twice divorced, 33 and doesn't look a day over 40, but that's never stopped you from performing before and you're sure it's not the reason tonight. Neither is being drunk. You're grateful that Sharleen doesn't seem to notice or care.

What the fuck is happening to you? You don't get hard thinking of pussy and you can't fuck your fist without imagining his mouth or ass. Is this some midlife crisis that wouldn't have happened if you'd done the usual and gotten married and had a family? Is experimenting the answer? If you satisfy your curiosity, will this go away so you can get back to normal? You realize how desperate you are because you're rationalizing how to get what you want, what you're aching to have. It's unlikely that Glenn feels the same way although you did get the impression there was some kind of connection between you. It was probably just that he was hurt and you helped out and he's a friendly kid. But your mind won't leave the idea alone and your body is giving you no peace so the next weekend you take your motorcycle to Atlanta again. You need to see him, not to watch like last weekend but to talk to him once more. Then you'll leave him alone and force yourself to get past this.

You check into a motel and call for a pizza. You know he may not be the one to deliver it but it's worth the chance. If he doesn't show you'll have to decide how to approach his apartment. But you get lucky and when you look through the peephole in response to a knock, there he is. You open the door and when he sees you there's a flash of something in his face that makes him look the way you're feeling.

He smiles and says, "You should have called. You didn't have to get a room."

You open the door wide. He comes in, sets the box down and hugs you. You pat his shoulder awkwardly. You aren't used to openly affectionate people. You still aren't sure what's going to happen but this is already more than you expected. You ask if he has to work late.

"Nope." He pulls out his phone and makes a call and tells somebody that he delivered the order but he doesn't feel well and is taking off an hour early. "My boss owes me," he explains to you. "The insurance company of the woman who hit me is replacing the motor scooter plus he's getting the old one fixed cheap. He's coming out ahead on the deal."

"What about you?"

"All medical bills reimbursed which will make my parents happy, and I'm getting a settlement for pain and suffering. I can use the money. I've got some, uh, financial problems."

"You want to eat?"

"Sure."

You kick off your shoes and prop yourselves against the headboard with the pizza box between you. You talk while you eat but when the box and soda are set aside it gets quiet.

"Thanks for dinner," Glenn says.

You shrug. "Cheap date."

"Is it? A date, I mean." Glenn is carefully not looking at you.

Pause. "If you want it to be. Otherwise it's just friends having pizza."

He looks up and smiles. "Date is good."

Something loosens within you that you didn't realize you were keeping so tight. You aren't sure how to proceed but if this was a woman you would kiss her so you lean across and Glenn meets you halfway and it takes a few seconds to align your mouths but then it becomes a real kiss and you start wondering why you never liked kissing before. You're rolling together on the bed and there are too many clothes between you so you pull up his shirt and he reaches for your pants and you undress each other except underwear. Pretty soon the underwear is in the way so you yank that off and are finally skin to skin all down the length of your bodies. It feels like an electric current is running from one to the other, grounded by your cocks pressed together between you. Glenn puts a hand around both and squeezes and you place your hand over his and begin the familiar milking motion. It's not long before you both come, panting and shuddering, and you stop thinking for awhile.

When you're able to form coherent thoughts again you remember this was an experiment. You were going to satisfy your curiosity so you could get it out of your system and be normal again. But that's not going to work because this is what normal feels like now.

You look at Glenn. He's staring straight ahead but seems to feel your eyes and turns to you. "I've never done that before," he says.

Christ, was he a virgin in his 20's? "Ever?" you ask.

"What? Oh no, I've had sex before but not with ... a guy."

"Me neither."

"So, was it good for you too?" He's half-joking, half-serious as he delivers the old cliché.

"It was fucking fantastic," you tell him quietly.

The room is chilly on bare skin and the bedspread is soiled so you toss it aside and get under the covers and start touching again. It's slower this time and there's some familiarity since the first time is over with. Everything hesitant before is more assured now. There's a deepening pleasure that makes it even better. You're both exhausted after so you sleep for awhile.

When you wake Glenn confesses, "I was afraid you weren't interested in me like that. And if you were interested you wouldn't act on it. And if you did do anything it wouldn't be with me."

"Why not you?"

"I'm not very experienced. And I'm Korean and you're not."

"I thought you were Chinese."

"Well, we all look alike." But he's laughing so you assume he's not offended.

You tell him that you didn't think he'd be interested either because you're older and not Korean.

"It was the motorcycle and tattoos that got my attention," he says. "Only thing better would be a truck with a gun rack."

"I'll drive it next time."

"Seriously? Because I was kidding."

"I'm not."

"So there's going to be a next time?"

"If you want to." You have a moment of uncertainty. Maybe this was an experiment for him that he doesn't care to repeat now that his curiosity is satisfied.

He grins. "I wouldn't mind."

You're pretty sure this kid enjoys screwing with you, mind as well as body, and you don't mind that.

You clean up but don't shower because the bed is a mess anyway and you might as well wait until morning. You wonder if you'll wake up with Glenn's dick poking your leg. You're looking forward to it this time but when you open your eyes you see that he was awake before you and has pulled the sheet away and is studying your body. You're in decent shape but you've done manual labor and there are scars and that bullet hole.

He's only interested in one thing. "Last night I thought you were big but there was a lot going on and I didn't want to stare. You  _are_  big."

"Is that a problem?"

You aren't expecting him to lean over and take you in his mouth but he does. He works at it for a minute to make sure you're fully erect and then eases you out and says, "Not a problem. People tell me I have a big mouth."

You smile at the double entendre. "I hope you didn't blow them to prove it."

"I saved that for you."

It's his first time giving head but not your first time receiving so you have history for comparison and he's doing fine. Better than fine. Your heartbeat speeds up then skips as you feel the climax start deep in your balls and work up your shaft from root to tip. You're surprised you can come this morning after last night. When you recover you see that Glenn is hard and holding himself so you take over. You've never blown anyone before but you know what feels good to you and it's a success judging by Glenn's reaction. All your senses have been in overdrive since last night taking in the sight, sound, smell, taste and touch of a man instead of a woman. You like the differences.

You shower together but by now there's no temptation to go further. You dress and go out for breakfast. Glenn has to be at work by eleven o'clock and you need to be back home before his shift is over so this is goodbye.

"How is this going to work?" he asks.

"I don't think I can get to Atlanta every weekend, probably every other weekend."

His eyes widen. "Oh god, I didn't even think to ask. Are you married? Do you have children?"

"No! I've never been married and I don't have any kids."

"Well, good. I mean, good in this situation."

You agree that it's pretty fucking lucky.

Glenn

"That's it? You were doing so well and you just stopped."

"You asked how we might have got together. That's how."

"But I want to know what happens next."

"We keep getting together, that's what happens next."

"Every two weeks? Forever?"

"No, only until I can't stand you anymore. Then I dump your ass and save money on gas."

"Then I go to Benford, everyone finds out about us, Merle kicks you out and you move to Atlanta. You'll still save on gas."

"I thought you had no reason to go to Benford."

"Dumping me would be a reason. What would you do in Atlanta?"

"I took mechanics at community college. I used to fix motorcycles."

"So you could be a mechanic. And give crossbow lessons."

"I suppose."

"I guess it's true that you always hurt the one you love. You gave me a concussion and stitches so we could meet?"

"You told me that really happened to you. I just inserted myself in the story."

"Inserted yourself," I say suggestively. "You left out that first-time event."

"Do you think of anything but sex?"

"Oh, c'mon, it was funny. But go on."

"Who did you call to come get you?"

"No one. They kept me overnight at the hospital. I wish you were there when it happened."

"Yeah." Daryl looks around the tent. "It's not so bad the way it worked out. Except for the walkers. And almost dying a lot."

"And all the people who did die. Those are big exceptions. But it is nice to think we'd be okay with or without an apocalypse."

* * *

A/N: After you've gone forward and backward, go sideways. A lesson learned from Lost. I wanted Daryl and Glenn to get together in a different reality. Norman Reedus fixed motorcycles before getting into acting so I borrowed that for Daryl.


	12. Transition

Daryl

You and Glenn are crossing the meadow where various targets are set up. It's mid-afternoon after a successful hunt so you stop to debate whether you have time to loose off a few practice shots. You've just decided to go on to camp so there'll be plenty of time to pluck and skin your prey for dinner when you see two walkers emerge from the woods. Glenn is facing you so you tell him they're at two o'clock and two-thirty. You both have arrows ready in your bows and the walkers are far enough away to take your time. Glenn turns and aims carefully and drops one. It's his first geek kill with crossbow. You ask if he wants the second one and he nods, already reaching for another arrow. He fumbles and it falls and he reaches for another. You're ready to back him up but it isn't necessary. He makes the second shot and takes a deep breath and smiles.

"You just turned pro," you tell him.

"I dropped an arrow," he says as he picks it up.

"But you let it go and concentrated on the kill." This is what you taught him. If you drop ammunition, don't go after it unless it's all you've got. You'll waste too much time finding it. Finish the job and then pick up the ammo. If you don't have time, leave it and get out safely. Sometimes you have to write it off as the cost of surviving.

"I wonder if they were after us or our dinner," Glenn says.

"We'll leave the quail and possum here and see if any more show up while we check around."

You search the woods surrounding the meadow and kill four more walkers. When the area is cleared, you see that Glenn is excited by the thrill of the kill. It's a common enough reaction after an adrenaline rush and you're feeling the effects yourself. It's safe enough now and neither of you wants to wait.

There's a stone outcropping nearby. You open your pants and lean against it. Glenn's jeans are down and he backs against you and says, "Please, Daryl, just do it. I want you inside me."

But he's asking for something you won't risk. You pull him back against your chest and say, "Shhh, this will be good." You push your cock between his legs until the head is pressed to his balls. Glenn moans and his thighs clamp hard. There's plenty of friction as you start moving. To be honest, you're big enough that anal is almost too tight and ever since the first time you've worried a little that you might hurt him.

Glenn is pushing back as you thrust and looks lost in sensation as he strokes himself. His breathing is shallow and he's whispering your name and all that is making it happen faster for you. You reach for his cock and help pump him. His other hand is at the back of your neck and he pulls your head forward over his shoulder. You kiss his neck and lick along his jaw and he turns his head so your mouths meet. Your climax lasts longer than you ever expected and so does Glenn's.

He's suddenly boneless in your arms and you feel too shaky to support both of you so you slide down, grateful for erosion that has smoothed the stone, and sit with Glenn in your lap.

He finally speaks. "You know, it's always good but this ... this was intense. I almost passed out."

"I thought you did. That's why you're sitting with your head between your legs."

"You really thought I was out?"

"Maybe not. But your whole body went limp, not just this." You squeeze his cock gently. "I thought some blood to your head would help."

He laughs. "This is nice."

"Because your ass isn't on the cold hard ground covered with leaves and shit."

"You want to move?"

"No." You mean it.

Glenn laughs again, and then says a little sadly, "We've been here almost three weeks. We'll have to move on, won't we?"

"Yeah. It's likely more will show up soon. We couldn't stay here much longer anyway. We need to find a place for the winter."

There's one more geek in the meadow when you return, looking up at the tree where you left dinner. Glenn makes the final shot then you take the possum and quail back to camp to give the others the bad news. At least the last supper here will be a good one. Everyone will be able to pack and head out on a full stomach.

Glenn

Today I killed my first geek by crossbow. Also my second, third and fourth. Big day. Afterwards Daryl and I did it in the woods which we haven't done since we started sharing a tent. Except that time in the river. And another time in a cave while we were hunting. But not actually in the woods. Can really good sex make you lose consciousness? It almost happened to me. I don't see how it could get any better. The bad news is that walkers so close to camp mean we'll be leaving tomorrow. Winter in Georgia isn't harsh like Minnesota or places like that but we need better shelter than tents and more heat than a campfire.

Daryl

A week after breaking camp you're traveling the far back roads. Everything has been plundered close to the main roads. The RV has a flat tire so you, Glenn and T-Dog scout farther off road while the others fix it. And that's when you come across a very sweet looking deal. A big old-fashioned farmhouse at the end of a long drive set in about five acres of what looks like an overgrown garden. A sign at the end of the drive reads 'Prentiss Produce.' It looks like a family operation. There are fruit trees lining both sides of the drive. Strawberry beds and a pumpkin patch and the remains of flowers are identifiable beyond. Corn stalks are visible at the back of the property and no doubt other vegetables are planted there. The open ground around the house makes it defensible.

You and Glenn start up the drive for a recon. T has a rifle and if shooting is necessary, it's better to use the crossbows so he goes back to tell the others.

"Too bad it's so late in the season. There's no good fruit left," Glenn says.

You point out apples on the ground that aren't spoiled yet. "Those are just one stomp from cider."

As you get close to the house there are half a dozen geeks shot through the head. Someone knew how to deal with them. There's a small greenhouse behind the farmhouse and a big building for vehicles. More dead geeks.

First floor windows are cross barred and some are broken but the house is otherwise in good shape. Except for five dead humans. They've been there for awhile and there's evidence of zombie bites. Father, mother, boy about 17, girl about 14 and another boy about 10. There are no geeks in the house so they must have been outside when it happened and managed to barricade themselves inside before taking care of business. There are two guns, one in the father's hand and one in the young girl's. And no visible evidence of a bite or scratch on her. Did she escape the attack but kill herself because the rest of her family was infected? No way to know for sure what happened.

Glenn

We're settled in a farmhouse, hopefully until spring. We buried the owners. That's all that was left to do for them. Two stories plus an attic means there are enough rooms so everyone can have privacy. We separated the mattresses and box springs so there are enough beds, too. Dale reminded us that Thanksgiving is next Thursday. We're having smoked turkey and stuffing and sweet potatoes. We found enough canned milk and sugar and bird eggs to make pumpkin pie. There will even be football but we have to play it ourselves. The teams are chosen: T-Dog, Dale, Andrea, Rick and Carl against Shane, Carol, Sophia, Daryl and me. Lori is pregnant so she's going to ref. That news was a surprise but not unexpected since Rick came back from the dead. Later Daryl told me the surprise will be who's the daddy. I was stunned. Turns out he saw Shane and Lori in the woods a couple of times. He's sure it ended when Rick showed up but the timing is awkward.

An interesting thing, the property is fenced with electrical wire. The fence is down in places and there's no electricity but Daryl is wondering how a jolt would affect walkers. Would electrocution short circuit that spark left in their brains? I'd like to find him a cattle prod or taser for Christmas.


	13. Invitation

Glenn

The farmhouse is more than we hoped for. There's a generator but the fuel tank is less than half full so we only run it for a few hours once a week. Everyone can have a hot shower and do some laundry. It's great to have modern conveniences for a while but we're going to miss them even more when the fuel runs out. We salvaged what we could of the produce but there wasn't much left. The kitchen was pretty well stocked for a family of five but it won't last long for 11 so rationing is strict.

The attic has become a men's dormitory. It was already divided in half so Daryl and I took one side and Shane and T-Dog the other. Shane and T found some plywood and put up a room divider. After months of living in tents everyone is glad to have their own space in a real house. There's a fireplace on the first floor and the chimney running through the attic warms it. Living in a house and sleeping in a bed feels safe and normal although I always feel safe with Daryl anyway. He wakes up and turns to me.

"Can't sleep?"

"I did for a couple of hours. Don't know why I woke up."

"Still excited about the big game?"

He's teasing because I was idiotically pleased when our team won the first Prentiss Bowl.

It's odd that the best holiday I can remember for years happened after the worst disaster. Maybe it's more sad than odd. Thanksgiving was fun and we haven't had much fun lately. That night at the CDC months ago and the pot party in the woods a few weeks ago. But daily life is a grind. Constant vigilance, not enough to eat, the struggle to survive when you remember how easy life used to be. So it feels like we deserve the good luck of finding Prentiss Produce but something bad usually follows. I'm becoming cynical.

"What did you do on holidays before?" Daryl asks.

"Went to my parents for Thanksgiving and Christmas."

"I thought you didn't get along."

"We didn't. But we spent holidays together because it was expected. We hardly saw each other the rest of the year. I wonder what would have happened if you'd ever met my parents."

"Don't go there. I already told you how we could have got together."

"Just think about it, okay?"

"You think about it. They're your parents. You know them."

"That's the problem. I know them too well. You only know what I've told you."

Daryl

After your first time together, you've gone to Atlanta twice more to visit Glenn. You stay at his apartment and he says he's thinking of getting a bigger place. You tell him it's not necessary. He says the settlement from his accident got him out of debt just in time. Now he can afford a better place and he's thinking about a different job as well.

You're already thinking that seeing him every other weekend isn't often enough. Merle thinks you have a girlfriend in Atlanta. A paid girlfriend.

You talk almost every night. The next time Glenn calls he sounds nervous and says he might have screwed up. When the medical bills came through his parents found out about the accident and asked him to dinner. You think it's strange that he had to be asked to dinner with his parents. Why wouldn't he just stop by when it's time to eat so he gets a free meal? Isn't that what kids do? He says they don't have that kind of relationship.

Glenn told them about you and now they want to meet the man who cared for their son. You're both invited for dinner.

"Do they know about us?" you ask.

"Of course not. Can you come to Atlanta Friday night and get this over with?"

You agree but you aren't looking forward to it.

Merle is getting more interested in your trips to Atlanta. "What you got goin' on there? You ain't falling for a hooker, are you?"

You have to tell him something or he won't let it alone. But it's tricky because you've never had to be careful of pronouns before. "She's not a hooker, she's Asian."

Merle's eyes light up. "A geisha? Those gals are trained to pleasure a man." Merle was in Japan when he was in the service with side trips to Taiwan and Hong Kong and the Philippines. He has personal experience. You let him think what he wants because if he thinks he's got you figured out he'll forget about it.

Glenn said his parents dress for dinner which doesn't ease your mind but you dig out your one decent suit. It's gray and you wear it to funerals and court appearances. You strap the garment bag to your motorcycle. You stop at Glenn's place to shower and change. He's already dressed and it's odd to see him in something besides jeans and tee shirt. His suit is black, well-cut and expensive. He's wearing a white silk shirt without a tie. You're not going to his parents' together. There will be no hint of a personal relationship besides the casual friendship that developed when you did a good deed for a hurt kid.

Glenn says his parents are sending a car for him.

"You mean they're picking you up?"

"No, they send a car when I've been summoned. They would have sent a car for you but they'd expect you to be staying in a hotel so I said you'd get there on your own."

"You mean an actual car with a driver?"

"Yeah."

"Are your parents rich?"

"They've done pretty well."

"Will there be a butler at the door?"

"No, that's ostentatious. They have a maid."

"Is there going to be a lot of silverware?"

"Yeah, soup spoons, fish forks, butter knives. It'll be awful."

You hang your suit in the bathroom to steam out the wrinkles while you shower. Glenn watches you pull on black boxer briefs. You usually wear cheap cotton boxers. He looks you over when you're dressed. You ask him if the suit is bad.

"No, it's fine. I was just thinking you clean up very well. I'd do you in that suit. In fact, I will later."

He looks out the window and sees the car pull up. He kisses you and says it'll be all right and goes out so the driver doesn't come to the apartment.

You have directions to the house. You're rolling through better and better neighborhoods. Your idea that his parents are middle class with delusions of grandeur is giving way to the likelihood that they're upper class with serious money and this is confirmed when a gate swings open as you approach their address. Apparently Glenn told them how you would be arriving. The paved drive curves in a loop to the house and then back to the gate. It's a fucking estate. A guy in a uniform is waiting. It's the driver who picked Glenn up. You saw him when he opened the door of the limo for Glenn. He asks if he can park your motorcycle. You say it's fine where it is as you might need to make a quick get-away. He almost smiles.

The maid who opens the door is middle-aged in a plain dark dress, nothing as tasteless as a white apron and frilly cap. She's a little dumpy so a French maid outfit would be no treat on her anyway. She shows you to a sitting room and there are Glenn and his parents. Glenn and Father stand up, Mother stays seated. Glenn introduces you to Mother. She offers a hand which you shake briefly hoping she didn't expect you to kiss her wrist. She's probably around 50 but looks years younger with flawless skin and delicate features and cool eyes. There is an air of disapproval, maybe not of you in particular but of everything. Father looks mid-fifties, stern and sharp-eyed. There is an air of disapproval ... okay, you know what they have in common and you know what Glenn meant when he said they don't approve of him.

Father offers a drink. Mother and Father aren't drinking so you're about to refuse when Glenn says, "How about a beer? I'm having one."

"Sure."

The maid offers a selection. You choose Sam Adams Utopia because it's expensive and you always wanted to try it. The maid brings out a fancy bottle and opens it slowly and pours it slowly to preserve the head foam. You're used to popping off the bottle cap and swigging. This must be a sipping beer. She places the glass on a tray to serve you. You could have downed the bottle in the time all this took.

Glenn shortens the process for himself by saying, "The bottle is 24 ounces, why don't we share?" So you do. His parents look disapproving.

There is small talk, also known as interrogation. Where do you live? What do you do? Do you have family? You don't lie but you don't give much detail either. Dinner is good but the atmosphere is grim. Soup, fish, entrée and side dishes and the salad is served after all that instead of before. To avoid having to explain yourself further, you ask a few questions about them. Their answers are as careful as yours were.

Back to the sitting room after dinner. There's nothing more to talk about and you're wondering how soon you can escape when Father offers you money for taking care of his son. He's not even subtle about it. Mother looks calm and cool. Glenn looks appalled so he must not have known what was coming. You're angry but trying to control it. Has Father recognized that you don't have much money and he's trying to find a way to help you and thank you at the same time? You're sure that isn't it. There has been no word of thanks, which you didn't need or want anyway. You think he doesn't want to be under obligation for a favor done to a member of his family and figures you can be bought off. If the situation was what he thought, that you simply helped his kid one night, it might have worked. But payment is an insult because you're in love with his son. Although he doesn't know that. His son doesn't know it either. You didn't consciously know it yourself until now.

You stand up and thank them for dinner and walk out. You were joking about making a quick get-away when you arrived but it turns out to be true. Glenn catches you at the door.

"Daryl, I'm sorry. He does shit like that sometimes."

You tell him his family is fucked up and he shrugs because obviously he already knew that. You ride back to Glenn's apartment and get out of the suit.

Glenn arrives soon after and looks relieved to see you in bed. "I thought you might have gone back to Benford."

"I would have but you said you'd do me later. It's later."

Glenn smiles. "I hope you didn't take them off yet." He pulls back the sheet to reveal you're still wearing the boxer briefs. He has a surprise of his own when he takes off his suit.

"White silk boxers?" you ask.

"They match my shirt. If you don't like them, take them off me."

"I like them but they're still coming off."

Afterward he apologizes again for his father and says he knew he loved you when you left instead of making a scene with his parents. You tell him you left instead of making a scene because you realized you loved him. But maybe it's better if his parents don't know that.

Glenn

"See, you're good at this. That could definitely have happened."

"You don't know what happened to your parents?"

"No, the house was abandoned by the time I got there. Maybe they made it out all right."

"Why don't they approve of you?"

"I didn't get into an Ivy League school and I didn't use the degree from the inferior school I did go to."

"I thought you worked your way through university."

"I did."

"Well fuck 'em. If they didn't pay your way, they've got no cause to complain."

"Forget about them. Let's concentrate on the part where I do you. I wish you had those boxer briefs."

Daryl is silent. I know what that means. "You do have them! I thought you made it up." I dive for his duffel and dig down to the bottom and there they are. I toss them to him. "Put them on."

I can tell he's embarrassed that he packed them during a crisis. "It's not worth it. You'll take them off a minute later."

"With my teeth."

He thinks about that for a second then puts them on. Using my teeth to remove them is harder than I thought so I stop when I get them to his thighs. I planned to blow him but he pulls out a tube of KY jelly.

"Where did you get that?" I ask.

"The first day we cleared the house I found it in the parents' nightstand. I was saving it for a surprise."

I like to be topped more than Daryl does so I ask him to do me. He makes me finish taking off the boxer briefs with my teeth first. Bastard. But it was worth the wait. He comes but I haven't yet and I get distracted when I start rocking against him and can't stop.

"You're humping my leg," he says. "You wanna come like this?"

"Yesss." There's just enough hair on Daryl's thigh to scratch my cock as I thrust. I'm not sure why I like it so much but it feels good and I don't last long. We both go to sleep afterward.

The next morning we clean out the greenhouse. I'm wearing a loose pair of jeans without a belt and a tee shirt that shrunk so it's a little tight and a little short. When I bend over the shirt rides up and the jeans slide down and a few inches of underwear are visible. I can feel his eyes when Daryl notices that I'm wearing his boxer briefs.

* * *

A/N: Kind of wish I had written a separate AU story about Daryl and Glenn if the ZA hadn't happened but I also like the idea of the two of them fantasizing a different life together. They're good at dealing with reality but why shouldn't they slip away occasionally?


	14. Consultant

Daryl

You're working on the generator because it was running rough the last time it was turned on and you have experience with motorcycles and other engines. You hope it's something like a clogged fuel line or dirty ignition because if an important part is needed, those weekly hot showers are going away and you love them as much as everybody else does.

The generator specs are so small you have trouble reading them. Glenn remembers seeing a pair of magnifying glasses and runs to the house for them. They work fine and you suspect they belonged to Grandpa Prentiss and that pisses you off because you've never had trouble with your eyes before. Glenn says you must be far sighted because distance is no problem and your aim is still accurate. He's supposed to be helping you by holding the flashlight and handing you tools but he's amused by the idea of you needing glasses and that's making you short-tempered.

"You're like Sawyer," he says.

"Tom Sawyer?" You think you're more like Huck Finn.

"Sawyer on Lost. He needed reading glasses."

"No fucking idea what you're talking about."

"You never watched that show? It was a global phenomenon."

"On TV? How does that compare with the real global phenomenon we've got going now?"

"Okay, you're not a fan. But I like thinking about things before life got so dark."

"You know what else is dark? Behind this generator. Where's that flashlight?" You look around to see that Glenn is aiming the light between your legs, for christ's sake. Does this kid think about sex 24/7? "You're fired. Go get someone who can keep their eyes off my crotch."

"Sorry, won't happen again."

It probably will but you let it go because under other circumstances you enjoy the attention.

"Remember when we talked about if the ZA hadn't happened? If you moved to Atlanta you could fix motorcycles and generators."

"It's not fixed yet. And I don't think I could work in a shop all day. It was a part-time job in Benford."

"What else would you want to do?"

Glenn likes to think about the two of you if the world hadn't changed but you've played the game twice and it's his turn. "You make something up. I'm busy here."

"Maybe you could be a hunting and fishing guide."

"Sounds good. Tell me the story."

"No, that's too obvious. It should be something unusual."

"I'm still waiting."

Glenn

I don't deliver pizza to hotels very often but tonight is the night. The front desk waves me by. They don't give outside delivery people a hard time. Room service menus are overpriced and not very exciting and a lot of people don't want hotel food anyway so it's good service to offer another option by putting takeout and delivery menus in their rooms. I go to a suite with two men and two women on sofas and chairs. They look at each other like no one wants to be the one to take the food and get stuck playing waiter for the others.

There's a table in the corner. "Why don't I set it up over here?" They jump on that idea so I open the boxes and set out paper plates and napkins. Liters of soda come with the pizza and I offer to get ice from down the hall. I better get a big tip for this.

I've been listening to them talk and figured out they're the prelim team for a movie. They're here to scout locations and contact local casting agents and generally make themselves useful in pre-production. They're not completely happy with what they've seen of the script so far. The script isn't their responsibility but they have an opinion and they think guns and knives have been done to death. A different weapon would freshen the action genre.

"Crossbow," I say, thinking of Daryl. I didn't mean to say it out loud but they hear and one of them says, "What?"

"A crossbow is cool and it's quieter than a gun. And it hasn't been used much. Buffy had one but that's been off the air for years."

They look at each other, wondering if they should make the suggestion as a group or go behind each other's backs and try to take all the credit for a good idea. But what if it's not a good idea? What if it's been considered and rejected already? They don't know everything that's going on with the script. Besides, they're all right here and no one is going to let the others get in ahead. Plus they don't know from crossbows and it's best to have info available when you make a suggestion so you can answer any question that comes up.

"Do you have a crossbow?"

"No," I tell them. "But I know a guy."

They give me a huge tip and say they picked Scooter's Pizza because delivering pizza by scooter sounded like a fun gimmick. I can tell they think it was a lucky choice.

I call Daryl and tell him to bring his crossbow tomorrow.

He doesn't bother to dress up and the team almost wets themselves with excitement when they see unshaven Daryl in work pants and boots and a shirt with the sleeves cut off. His hair is messy from the helmet and it doesn't hurt when they find out he rode his motorcycle to Atlanta. I feel the same way when I see him but I've gotten used to the effect. The women are checking him out personally. I don't tell them he's taken.

Daryl brought bolts and arrows and loads each of them while explaining the crossbow. He also brought a small target in case they want a demonstration. They do. He places it on the wall and takes aim from across the suite and suddenly one of the men stops him. "What if you miss and fuck up the wall?"

"I won't," Daryl says and proceeds to put three arrows in the center of the target one after the other.

They love it. One of the women has filmed the whole thing. The team says they'll make a proposal. If it flies, Daryl might be a crossbow consultant and do the actual shots that are used. They like to hire locally when possible. It's all hypothetical at this point. Hollywood's ways are more mysterious than the Lord's and the whole thing could fall through just as easily as it came together.

Still, it's pretty exciting. Movie magic just waiting to happen.

I had told Daryl I was thinking about getting a different job, something with a future and better pay. But the thing is, I like delivering pizza. Scooter's has three locations and everyone fills in where needed so I get to go all over the city. You never know when a shortcut might come in handy. The pay is low but I can get by if I don't repeat the mistake that got me in trouble before. I don't want to work in an office. Daryl understands that. I don't know what else I could do that I'd want to do. I never decided what I wanted to be when I grew up. Not everyone wants to change the world. People would probably say since my parents are rich I don't have to worry about it because I'll have money eventually. But that's not a sure thing at all. I can see them leaving everything to charity or at least tying it up in a trust fund. I've always felt like I had to make my own way and I don't mind that. I don't expect my parents to support me financially. Emotionally might be nice but I can't count on it. Besides, I have Daryl now.

And Daryl has a new job, at least for a few weeks. The powers that be loved the idea of a crossbow, the script has been revised, and they want the guy in the video demo to be the local consultant. They got him a SAG card so he can do stunts. I visit the set a few times and Daryl looks like he's having a good time. He fits in with the other stunt doubles because they're as crazy and reckless as he is. The official line is that they're all about safety, and they do follow the rules, but really they just love the challenge and the risk.

One day I see Daryl's brother, Merle. We don't meet but I know who he is from Daryl's description. Merle came to watch his little brother shoot a crossbow from a moving motorcycle. It's a complicated shot because there's other action to coordinate at the same time. Merle is bigger than Daryl and looks mean but he tenses up during the stunt and I can see he's worried that Daryl might get hurt. It goes perfectly but of course the director wants to do it one more time for extra angles and coverage. That one goes well, too, and then they're done for the day. Daryl glances at me and I nod and leave. We've been together a lot lately and he needs to spend time with Merle.

I don't have any brothers or sisters but watching them I got a sense of what it would be like. They love each other although they've probably never said it and sometimes don't act like it. But they're brothers and that might be the only answer they could give if anyone asked why they put up with each other. It makes me wonder if I've tried hard enough with my parents. I think so, but I haven't felt like I could reach them in years. It wasn't like this when I was younger. It started when my father's business took off and they suddenly had a lot of money and an image to create and maintain. And big expectations for their only child. Kind of cliché but that's how things get to be a cliché. They happen a lot.

Daryl tells me later that Merle got drunk and before Daryl could drag him out he told everyone in the bar about his brother in the movie business. Merle's been behaving better recently and working regularly. Daryl's getting good money for this job. I bet he'll buy his brother a new motorcycle. Well, why not? One of us should have a decent family relationship.

Daryl

You smile because you're finished with the generator and you wish your next job was a crossbow consultant and stunt double on a movie.

"You like it?" Glenn asks.

"Yeah. Never happen of course, but I like the idea."

"Why not? You think that only happens in movies?"

"Exactly."

"Maybe it gets into a movie because it happened in real life."

"I guess I think it only happens to other people."

"Wrong again. It happens to unlikely people. And then someone puts it in a movie."

He's right, it could happen. You need to stop arguing with this kid because you aren't going to win.

"Okay, but I'll keep my day job fixing generators until the new career takes off."

"Your life now is the new career. Hunting with a crossbow, riding your motorcycle, life and death situations."

"The difference is I'm not getting paid for this shit."

The whole group troops to the garage for the moment of truth. You turn on the generator and everyone holds their breath, listening ... to the quiet hum of a perfectly tuned generator. They laugh and clap and say thank you.

"You get the first shower for fixing it," Dale tells you. He turns to Glenn. "And your able assistant is second."

You and Glenn look at each other. You're both thinking that if you shower together you'll have twice as long and that will be enough time to fuck while you get clean. You can lather your hair and let the soap run down your body with hot water sluicing it away while you kiss Glenn and your slick bodies press together. You realize your fingers are curving as you imagine cupping his ass and pulling him close, looking down at your cocks trapped between your bellies. Or pushing him against the tile wall, pressing against his ass, sliding between his legs ...

A few feet away Glenn is looking at your crotch. Again. This time you don't mind.


	15. Uncloseted

Glenn

I'm sitting with Daryl in his truck in the garage.

It's not very cold out yet but with winter coming it's chillier than usual, and damp, so everyone is inside more. The farmhouse is good sized but it's not big enough for 11 people to be together for long periods. We built a rough tree house for the kids and they spend a lot of time there. It's close to the house and off the ground so they're safe enough. When they do have to be inside they hide out in a hall closet playing some spy game they made up. This must be what life was like before TV when people had to entertain themselves. The Prentiss's have several board games and the kids, who have grown up with video games, are into this old-fashioned fun so the adults join in to make up the numbers. The Prentiss's weren't big readers but there are a few classics and modern novels and some children's books so Dale organized a reading club. Everyone takes turns reading a chapter and they discuss the book when it's finished. The kids have regular lessons, too. It's a homey atmosphere and sometimes I can tell that Daryl is looking around the group and thinking about target practice. Or maybe just shooting himself. He's found something to like or admire or respect in each member of our group and it's mutual. They've seen something in Daryl as well. He doesn't want to admit he might have changed. Calmed down, become more patient, less intolerant. He dismisses it when I point out that the others like him. He says they're giving him a pass because of me. They like me and I'm sleeping with Daryl. It's not true but it might not be complete BS either.

But all this domesticity makes him restless and that's why we're in the garage. There aren't many places to get away. We can go to our room but after awhile the sloping roof makes it seem cramped and it feels like everyone assumes we're having sex whenever we're up there. Which we often are but we also talk. In between.

So we're in the cab of the truck, Daryl stretched out on the seat leaning against the door with a pillow behind him and me lying between his legs. There's more room in the truck bed but it would be uncomfortable back there even with a quilt and the garage is almost as chilly as outdoors. Our body heat in the enclosed cab keeps it warm. We're sharing a bottle of wine made from Prentiss grapes. They must have just started expanding their produce operation to wine-making. It's sad because this is very decent wine and it might have been a turning point for them. It was obviously a small family business and they were probably just getting by. I've been thinking about family lately, maybe because it's nearly Christmas.

"Do you think things would have gotten better with my parents?" Daryl knows I want him to be honest so I'm expecting him to say 'No' but he surprises me.

"Yeah, I do."

"Really?"

"Maybe in a year or so."

"Why?"

"Sounds like your folks thought they could control you and bring you around. After a few years they would have given up and let you alone. Families pull shit like that. Merle tried it when he came home from the Army. I was 20 but I'd been on my own for years. He's older and he thought he could run me."

"What if they knew about us? Would they accept it?"

"Probably not."

"There goes my happy ending."

"I can give you a happy ending."

"I'm not talking about sex."

"Me neither."

Daryl

You liked working on the movie in Atlanta but it's over now and if Benford feels a little flat, that will pass as you settle back into routine. Meanwhile you and Glenn take turns calling each other every night and you wonder when it became the best part of your life. It's bedtime and after telling each other about your day the conversation can get more personal if you feel like it. Yeah, phone sex.

Merle walked in on you once without knocking and stood there grinning. You threw one of your work boots at him and while he was dodging it you were able to take better aim with the second one and hit him square in the face. He doesn't try that again but you make sure your door is locked from then on anyway.

Glenn sounds worried when he calls and it's for the same reason as last time. His parents invited him to dinner and asked him to bring Mr. Dixon. You don't want to go but you're a little curious why the hell they want to see you again. To apologize? It's more likely they intend to up the original offer. Glenn tells you dress is informal this time.

"Does that mean jeans and tee shirt?"

"Maybe informal is the wrong word. More like business casual. Do you have a pair of khakis?"

"Sure, I wear them with a polo shirt and loafers to the country club."

Glenn sighs. "What do you have?"

"My second-best pair of pants and a shirt."

"That's fine. Unless the sleeves are cut off."

"I only do that after I stop wearing it as business casual."

You decide to take the truck instead of the motorcycle. Merle asks so many questions about your 'geisha girl' that you finally tell him you're meeting her family. He's shocked and asks quietly if this is serious and you realize that Merle thinks he may be losing you. It would be funny if it was true.

The clothes may be less formal but the atmosphere is still chilly. There's no mention of the previous evening and how it ended. Tonight a traditional Korean meal is served. You think Father and Mother are watching you for signs that you don't like the food and if so they are disappointed. You love Southern cooking but you also like Asian food, Italian, Mexican and most everything else including some backwoods road kill.

Back in the sitting room after dinner Father seems ill at ease. This makes you think he might actually be going to apologize so you're unprepared for the words out of his mouth as he looks at you and Glenn. "You are ... together?"

Mother glares at him and makes it clear with a statement instead of a question. "You are lovers."

You've had practice with judges and parole officers so your face remains expressionless but Glenn's mouth is open. Is surreal the word for this situation? You and Glenn glance at each other and then look back at Father and Mother. You say, "Yeah" and Glenn says, "Yes" at the same time.

Mother hisses at Glenn. "You screwed Shelly Shapiro at your senior prom!"

"How did you know about that?" Glenn demands.

"Her mother told me."

"She told her mother?"

"And there was Margo Foster at the university," Father puts in.

Glenn looks stunned. "Did you have me followed?"

Father looks a little uncomfortable but Mother is made of sterner stuff. "The point is, how did this happen if you were normal through college?"

"I don't know," Glenn says helplessly. "I love him."

Everybody looks at you. You are sure this is going to be your fault. You aren't proud of your next move but on impulse you get up to go. You should have just left directly from the table because after eating the evenings here go south in a hurry.

"Don't leave me alone with them," Glenn says softly. "Please."

You sit back down and say, "I love him, too."

The situation is now beyond the limitations of English because all three of them stand up and jabber in Korean. Father is pacing. Mother stalks over to the mantel. Glenn is turning from one to the other. You thought Mother was cold and controlled but she has let loose now. You aren't surprised because when a person is that repressed something has to give eventually.

Mother picks up a bowl and throws it. Father shrieks and Glenn gasps. You played a little high school football and this is an easy pass so you jump up and take a step and catch it. Mother looks relieved, as if she regretted her hasty action.

Glenn says, "Be careful. You're holding $200,000."

Father takes it from you and holds it tenderly.

"That bowl is more valuable than me," Glenn says a little sadly. "And they love it more."

"Not true!" Mother says sharply. Both Father and Mother look startled by his words. How can these assholes have thought Glenn would think otherwise with their attitude towards him?

Father looks Glenn in the eye and deliberately opens his hands. The bowl drops and shatters. You laugh because the evening has become a fucking farce and that's the only possible reaction. Glenn looks at you and laughs, too. Mother and Father look at each other and start laughing. Mother has a wicked cackle at odds with her appearance. Father stops to say, "Not insured!" which sets him off again until he leans over, breathless.

You're starting to feel at home with this bunch. Scratch the surface of any family and they're all bugfuck crazy underneath. Eventually the laughter dies out and you all sit down again. The ice is finally as broken as the bowl and Mom and Pop don't seem so disapproving.

"What about us?" Glenn asks. "If your friends find out, how will you spin a gay son and his redneck partner?"

"Redneck isn't so bad," you say. "My brother is a racist alcoholic drug addict but he's not as batshit as your family."

Pop nods. "Merle. Nine years older than you. Dishonorable discharge. Two prison terms." He stops as he realizes he may have said things better left unsaid.

"You had me followed?" you ask.

Pop shrugs. "I have an investigator on staff."

"You are not out, are you?" Mom asks

"No."

"Are you coming out?"

"No."

"Will someone out you?"

"No one knows about us."

Mom looks at Pop. "We tell no one but if someone asks, we are surprised that they didn't know. It's old news. We thought everyone was aware."

Just like that, it's settled. Pop may have the business smarts but you suspect Mom is tougher and shrewder.

"It's late," she says. "You should stay. Glenn's room is always ready. There is a guest room ... "

She looks at both of you and shrugs. "Whatever."

Glenn's room is actually a suite. The bedroom is as big as his studio apartment and there's a huge bathroom and another room attached. Glenn pulls off his clothes as you stand there looking around then he moves toward you.

You back away. "We're not doing this. Your folks are in the house."

"It's a big house. And they know what we're doing anyway."

"We're not fucking in your bed."

"Floor is fine with me."

"I mean we aren't fucking in your childhood bedroom."

"I was 16 when we moved here and I got a new bed. Does that make you feel better?"

Yes, it does. You let him push you down on the bed and strip you. You don't think anything will happen, though, because there's too much going on in your head. Except your other head has switched sides. It just wants to be rubbed and Glenn is doing that. He alternates squeezing and releasing the shaft and you can feel the blood being forced down your dick and the throbbing is distracting you from the weirdness of fucking Glenn in his bedroom in his parents' home.

Later you ask why the bowl wasn't insured.

"No provenance," Glenn says. "They acquired it illegally."

You're beginning to like Mom and Pop.

Glenn

I laugh when Daryl finishes. He made it a funny story but it's plausible enough that it could have happened. Apparently I told him more than I realized about my parents because he's projected both of them perfectly. Daryl thinks I'm always optimistic and cheerful but I was a little depressed earlier and now I'm not.

"Have you truck-fucked a lot of girls?" I ask him.

"Not since high school and that was a different truck. Why? You want the other happy ending now?"

I nod and move his hand between my legs. He does to me what he described me doing to him. Afterwards I return the favor.


	16. ChristmasZ

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may have noticed the story title and chapter titles are single words of 10 letters. It wasn't planned that way but after the first few I deliberately kept the pattern going. But I had to reach a little for this chapter.

Glenn

The first Christmas post ZA started just as I planned. I set my watch alarm for five minutes to midnight. None of the group stayed up past ten even on Christmas Eve. It's a different world now. Early to bed and early to rise. Daryl and I were asleep when the alarm beeped. I was expecting it and he wasn't but he sleeps lightly and wakes up easily.

"Come downstairs. There's something I want to do," I tell him.

"Let's do it here in bed."

"Not that. It has to be downstairs."

"Santa isn't coming down the chimney." He's grumbling but he's pulling on his pants.

Five weeks in the farmhouse has taught everyone which stairs creak so we make it to the first floor silently. There's enough moonlight to cross the living room without running into furniture. I pull him towards the open doorway to the kitchen. He's frowning slightly, curious, wondering where we're going. I stop in the doorway, put my arms around him and pull him down for what turns into our best kiss ever because even though Daryl wasn't expecting it he fully participates.

When we stop to breathe he asks, "Is this my Christmas present?"

"No, it's mine. I wanted to kiss you in the moonlight at midnight under the mistletoe."

We glance up at the sprig Carol and Sophia hung in the doorway, from a plant they found on a shrub in the greenhouse.

"That's kind of romantic," Daryl says.

"I know. Humor me."

"I'll let it go this time since it's Christmas."

Our arms are still around each other and this time he kisses me.

Daryl

Glenn wakes you up to kiss you under the mistletoe. That's more gay than you're comfortable with but you don't really mind and maybe you're even a little pleased. You aren't the romantic type. You never were with the women you dated and they weren't either although it had started getting popular for women to do romantic stuff for their men. Your relationships were physical. You suspect that if you had married you'd be the guy who buys household appliances for birthdays and Christmas. The crossbow for Glenn's birthday was your most successful gift and you remember thinking that was an advantage to being with a man. Glenn isn't clingy or girly but he's 'emotionally available' which is something you overheard the women talking about being a good thing in a man. They weren't talking about you. Actually, none of the women are clingy or overly girly and that's probably why they've grown on you. They're also pretty damn good with guns. But they aren't Glenn and you've become a one-man man.

Back upstairs the mood remains unbroken and you spend a long time making love. Another phrase you didn't plan on using. Ever. You and Glenn say fucking or having sex because you're guys and those are familiar words. And often the urgency makes those words right. But you're willing to admit that sometimes what you are doing could be called making love. Or maybe you're feeling sentimental because it's Christmas.


	17. Melancholy

Glenn

After such a promising start Christmas Day is disappointing. Not for Daryl and me because we ... Let's just say we're more relaxed and happy than the others. And as satisfied with life as it's possible to be under the circumstances. The others aren't feeling the spirit but they're hiding it in order to give Carl and Sophia a merry Christmas. It's working because the kids seem oblivious to any undercurrents, maybe because they're accustomed to adults being upset or withdrawn at any given moment. Living with uncertainty may be easier for kids to adapt to.

It was better a couple of weeks ago when we hung stockings and trimmed the tree with Prentiss Christmas decorations found in the attic. And by 'we' I don't mean Daryl or Shane although they did carry the boxes down.

Holidays were stressful before and the ZA didn't change that for the better. Now every day is stressful in some way. Thanksgiving was different because we were all grateful to be safe and settled for the winter. But a month later everyone has had time to catch their breath and think and that's not always a good thing.

Carol is too grounded to idealize Ed's memory but she's remembering the good times, glossing over the bad and missing him a little.

Andrea is missing Amy a lot and in her case all the memories are good except the final one when she had to shoot her sister. She's wondering again if she should have stayed in the CDC. Dale feels bad but all he can do is give her some space and wait it out.

T-Dog is glum because he's used to big family holidays with his Gram who helped raise him. Everyone likes T and the feeling is mutual but still, he's isolated because he looks around and there's no one else his color and hasn't been since we lost Jacqui.

Lori is midway through pregnancy and her wish to have another child is alternating with worry about bringing a child into this world. Plus that pesky paternity issue. Rick is happy about the baby but in the back of his mind are the complications of childbirth with no doctor or hospital available.

Shane has done the math and is wondering whether he's going to be a father and have to watch his kid being raised by another man. He's hoping it's Rick's baby so he and Lori can forget about what happened between them without further consequences.

I explained all this to Daryl when he asked me what the hell was wrong with everyone.

"Does everybody tell you everything?"

"They haven't told me anything. It's just a few things I know about them so I watched and put the pieces together."

He looks at me suspiciously. "I can't believe I never asked this before. What's your degree?"

I grin because I expected him to ask sooner. "Psych major."

"Psychology." He sounds disgusted. "No wonder you can fuck with my mind."

"A little mind fucking is fun but it's the body fucking I really love."

Daryl

You feel guilty having a good Christmas when you know the others aren't enjoying it as much. But there have been times when they were having a better time than you so it all evens out. Glenn tells you everybody's story, laying it out like an FBI profiler and you realize how screwed you are when you find out his degree is in psychology. You always knew he was smart but now you suspect you'll never have the upper hand. You aren't stupid and you can be cunning but your mind is more straightforward. Glenn understands how humans twist. You understand animals better than people.

And yet you're glad Glenn has that kind of insight. You make a good team. But that raises a question you've avoided thinking about. Why is Glenn with you? And why think about it now? 'Because Christmas is a time for introspection.' Guess where you got that crap idea? From your own personal shrink.

But the question nags at you. You're good at hunting and surviving but staying alive and fed can't be Glenn's reasons for being with someone. He was good at scavenging and surviving before you came along. So you ask him. You aren't fishing for compliments, you're curious. Glenn doesn't tell you something lame like 'Because I love you.' That would be no answer because the question you're really asking is, why does he love you?

He answers seriously. "Your potential. Before I knew you, when I thought I didn't like you and was even a little afraid of you and Merle, you were interesting to me. You don't consider yourself 'good' but you're the best man I've ever known."

Well, you asked. And you knew he had that fucking insight. And he's proved it again by seeing something in you that you didn't know was there but you're glad he recognized it. You wanted to know but you also don't intend to ever talk about it again.

"So, not just for the sex," you say, trying to deflect.

"Well yes, but I didn't want to seem shallow."

You both laugh and then he asks what you should have expected. "Why are you with me?"

"Because you're you." It pops out and right away you're embarrassed that you said something dumb because you haven't thought it through like he did.

But Glenn smiles as if your answer makes sense or at least he understands and likes it.

"It's a good reason," he tells you. "Maybe the best ever."

Glenn

Soon after we arrived at Prentiss Produce a foraging expedition set out with the usual crew of Rick, T-Dog, Daryl and me. Lori had just announced her news so we brought back baby stuff and books on natural childbirth. Rick found prenatal vitamins. The stores had been ransacked for books about survival and natural medicine but we found a library that had escaped notice. A lot of books are going to be permanently overdue. We probably won't be at the farmhouse forever and when we move on most of the books won't go with us. They're not made for traveling light. But meanwhile the kids can reread Harry Potter. Rick took the Percy Jackson series and the Chronicles of Narnia, too. That should keep them busy all winter.

There was a second trip before Christmas and that time the women insisted on going shopping. They'd been feeling the urge since 4 am on Black Friday. Dale, Shane and Rick went along. Daryl, T and I stayed with the kids.

On Christmas Eve we decided to open gifts the next afternoon instead of in the morning. Daryl and the kids protested but were overruled.

"Anticipation," they were told. "Let the excitement build."

The generator is turned on at dawn and everyone has a shower. Laundry is done while dinner is cooking but it's not a very festive atmosphere.

Daryl shakes his head. "It's a mistake to wait for the presents."

When the time finally comes it's quite a haul. There are practical items like clothes, watches and Swiss knives but also things like jewelry, jigsaw puzzles and the books. Nuts and candy are set out and, god help us, a sealed fruitcake from last year which even during an apocalypse remains uneaten. Daryl and I made spears for everyone. New weapons are always a hit.

Presents from the kids are the biggest surprise. Everyone gets a package about six inches high and inside is a figure of you carved by Carl and painted by Sophia. That's why they were spending so much time in the tree house. The figures are a little crude but completely identifiable. The kids are clearly talented. Mine has a cap and a backpack. Most of the figures have a weapon of some kind and no one is disturbed that the kids automatically included guns, knives, baseball bats and axes. That says a lot about life post ZA.

Lori and Carol are so proud they get tearful and who could blame them? This offering from the kids signals the end of the adult pity party.

"Shoulda opened presents first thing," Daryl mumbles under his breath as he notices the mood lift.

He's probably right but on the other hand maybe everything has to happen in its own time.

Then the kids do something else amazing. Sophia disappears upstairs while Carl sets up a table with pieces of wood and metal and other random objects. Sophia comes back and she has obviously raided 14 year old Katie's closet because she's wearing a sparkly top and leggings. The kids look at each other and nod then Sophia turns to us and begins singing, "I don't want a lot for Christmas, there's just one thing I need."

Carl doesn't have a drum set but he's backing her up and adding percussion sounds and suddenly we're watching a scene from what I know is Carol's and Lori's favorite Christmas film. Sophia's voice is soft and sweet but she gains confidence and by the end she's belting it out. Carol and Lori were already tearful and now they're crying outright but laughing as well.

"What the fuck?" Daryl whispers in my ear and I know he's never seen or heard of 'Love Actually.'

"Tell you later," I whisper back and wonder how I'm going to explain the movie to him.

But I don't have to because the others do it for me. The men are familiar because Dale's wife liked it and Shane and T were dragged to it by girlfriends. Lori says Rick looks like Mark. Rick disagrees. The rest of us can't remember clearly enough to take sides. Daryl shows no regret at having missed the movie.

You wouldn't think the day could improve but it does. T-Dog starts singing "Bells will be ringing the sad, sad news." Everyone joins in because we all know some cover of it. The Eagles, Bon Jovi, Willie Nelson. The lyrics aren't upbeat for a Christmas song but instead of bringing everyone down again, we all seem to be getting more cheerful.

Psychology can't always explain human nature.

Daryl

Carl carved a figure of everyone and Sophia painted them and you are impressed as hell. Yours is holding a crossbow and besides being painted, Sophia has glued real fur on the squirrel hanging at your waist. The others stop moping and start acting like the adults they're supposed to be.

Then the kids put on a show. It's a song from some movie everybody else has seen and they tell you about it. Sounds confusing. Later Glenn asks if you got what the movie was about.

"Yep. Chick flick."

"That's it?"

"What else?"

"It's about love ..."

"Actually," you break in, emphasizing the word, "I got that part from the title."

He ignores your sarcasm. "It's about finding love, losing it, renewing it. Giving and receiving. Living with it and without it. Sacrificing for it and suffering for it."

You're careful not to roll your eyes. "I summarized all that."

He thinks about it and nods. "You're right, chick flick says it all."

Maybe you won't lose every argument even though he's got that psych degree.

Unless he lets you win sometimes.

How the hell will you ever know?

* * *

A/N: 'Please Come Home for Christmas' is my favorite Christmas song. I even liked Shatner's version on an episode of Boston Legal a few years ago. I'm also a 'Love Actually' junkie and have mentioned the film in other stories. You probably already know that Andrew Lincoln did play Mark, a man in love with his best friend's wife, and that Steven Yeun has a degree in psychology.


	18. Beginnings

Daryl

It's 3 o'clock on New Year's Eve and you and Glenn are fooling around on the sofa. Everyone else is busy elsewhere.

Rick and T-Dog are in the garage siphoning diesel fuel from the Prentiss' flatbed truck to run the generator for another day. Some of you will be going out to find diesel fuel soon. Carol and Andrea are in the kitchen having tea. Lori is resting as she does most afternoons now. Dale is meditating. If it was anyone else you might think he was sleeping but Dale probably is meditating. The kids are voluntarily taking a nap so they can stay awake until midnight. Shane went upstairs to his room. He might be doing to himself what you and Glenn are doing to each other.

You cleaned and restrung your crossbows and when you finished the house was quiet and the sofa comfortable and you were in the mood to risk discovery. You don't get far when Glenn says, "Someone's looking in the window. Both front windows."

You pick up your crossbow but Glenn grabs his spear. Everyone has been practicing since Christmas. You crack the door and see no swarms of walkers. You hope for a moment that these two are survivors but one look tells you they're fresh but dead. You shoot the man and turn to watch Glenn take out the woman. She looks very human and Glenn hesitates.

"Glenn," you say softly. You aren't sure if you mean it as a warning, encouragement or understanding.

"I know," he says and swings at her knees. She crumples and he positions the spear, drives it in at an angle and she's gone. The spear doesn't come out as easily as it went in so you're there to put a foot on her head as Glenn jerks it.

"Spear worked good," you tell him.

"As advertised," he agrees.

The commotion has brought Rick and T to the garage door and you hear the others in the house.

"Better zip up," Glenn says with a grin.

You had only got as far as pushing up his shirt to reach his nipples but of course he already had his hand down your pants.

You've seen no walkers since before Thanksgiving and everyone is afraid of what this means. Lori and Dale stay at the farmhouse to dispose of the bodies. The rest of you, including the kids, string out in a line within sight of each other and sweep through the woods at the back of the property. You split into two groups and swing around to each side and meet back at the farmhouse. The light is fading which is why you did the woods first. It's still light enough to head down the drive to the front of the property. You split again and take opposite directions on the road. You and Glenn have crossbows, Shane and T have rifles, Rick, Andrea and Carol have guns and the kids have spears. You want to keep a variety of weapons in each group so you and Glenn are separated.

Half an hour later you, T, Rick and Carl are about to turn back when you hear a motor and here comes Glenn. You pile in the car and he explains that the abandoned vehicle was up the road. It's from South Carolina and the papers are in the name of the walker you shot at the house. There was bedding and canned goods in the back seat. The couple was apparently living out of the car. Both of them had been bitten and the best guess is that they drove until they were overcome.

Back at the house there's a lot of talk but everyone is cautiously optimistic that this is an isolated incident and hordes of walkers aren't headed to the farmhouse. Yet.

Glenn

Despite the scare everyone has a good time on New Year's Eve. As the clock strikes midnight the kids cheer and the kissing begins. Rick and Lori, Dale and Andrea. Carol is standing with T-Dog and Shane so she gets two. And then Daryl kisses me. I think he meant it to be quick so maybe no one would notice but we hold it longer and everyone is looking when we break.

T-Dog yells, "Solidarity, bro!" and grabs Shane who is so surprised that he lets T plant one on his mouth. Across the room Dale and Rick give each other a peck on the lips. The women all kiss each other and Sophia kisses Carl's cheek. His ears turn red and he makes a 'Eww' face but he doesn't pull away.

The party winds down after midnight. I tell everyone to go on to bed while Daryl and I make a final check of the perimeter and lock up. Daryl kissing me in front of everyone makes me feel affectionate so I attack him on the stairs. He throws me over his shoulder and carries me up, drops me on the bed and follows me down. Then we go rabid for awhile. Not an inch of our bodies remains unexplored.

I like being topped more than Daryl does but tonight he hands me the KY and when I take too long he pushes against me insistently and growls, "Now."

It's a wild ride, nothing slow or gentle like Christmas morning. But this is what we need tonight.

"You don't often want that," I say afterwards.

"Tonight I did. Jesus Christ, I wanted it."

Daryl turns on his back and pulls me on top of him and I can tell it's not over yet. The year is off to a good start.

Daryl

You're glad the holidays are almost over because even in the middle of an apocalypse you're doing shit like thinking about your relationship with Glenn and discussing it with him. You even kissed him in public. You're convinced it's the season that's affecting you.

Tonight you want to feel Glenn inside you. It's been a while since you asked for it. He hits the sweet spot with every stroke and your balls tighten a notch each time. You're holding your dick but you can't make your hand move. It doesn't matter because your cock is pulsing in time with Glenn's thrusts and if you added another sensation you would explode. Which is going to happen soon anyway.

Your mouth is on the pillow to muffle sounds you can't help making. Glenn is biting your shoulder for the same reason. He moans and says he's coming and it's like a geyser. You join him seconds later. Your ass and belly are dripping. The release of tension leaves both of you trembling and you lay quietly for awhile until you feel the prickle of desire again. Glenn is as ready as you are. You lose control together.

Glenn

The third time we finally slow down but it's just as intense as before. Afterwards I tell Daryl I felt like my body was one raw nerve. "How do you do that to me?"

"I was going to say it's your fault for making me like this. Because it's never been like that before."

"It's not just the sex, Daryl. I love you."

"I love you, too."

We don't say that to each other very often although it's always there unspoken. We give it the moments of silence it deserves.

Then back to reality. "We'll be a mess in the morning."

"A fucking mess," Daryl agrees.

Daryl

You figured you would do the guy thing and fall asleep right away but instead you take a few minutes to think about Glenn and the year ahead. How can this kid affect you so strongly? You have considerable experience and some inventiveness but you're surprised by Glenn's imagination. You think it must have to do with youth. You always liked sex but you remember your teens and twenties when you hadn't tried everything and fucking was primal. You still enjoyed it when you were with women but it wasn't the same the last few years. Maybe you got bored which is a hell of an attitude to have about sex. You wonder if that will happen with Glenn eventually. You hope not but what if you're the type who has to have something new every 20 years? That's disturbing because you're running out of genders to experiment with. But you aren't really worried. Despite the past months since Wildfire, you realize that you're happy in a way you never were before. You weren't unhappy and you didn't think there was anything missing but now it feels like you were marking time until you met Glenn.

You aren't the most positive person at the best of times but now you have someone you love and trust absolutely and you know it's mutual. You're kind of hopeful about the future.


	19. Comforting

Daryl

You and Glenn head out for a day's hunt. You go farther each time. Animals and game are getting scarce as winter continues. But it's a crisp January day and you both like stretching your legs. By noon you've had no luck so you turn wide to head back from a different direction and an hour later you get a wild hog. It's not a huge boar but it's big enough that you truss it to a branch and carry it on your shoulders single-file. You can almost smell bacon sizzling.

When you stop for a break, Glenn takes a leak and as he zips up you figure you may as well go so you won't have to stop again. As you start to unzip Glenn says, "Let me hold it."

"You can wait till tonight, nympho."

"I mean I want to hold it when you go."

"You want to hold my dick while I piss?"

"Yes."

"Freak. That's too intimate. Peeing is private."

"Prude. More than buggering each other?"

He has a point.

Glenn unzips your pants and takes out your cock. A few seconds later he asks, "Don't you have to go?" He sounds disappointed.

"Give me a minute."

"Can't you go with me holding you?"

"It feels weird. There's nothing to do with my hands."

"Let them have a rest from holding this monster."

"Tickling isn't helping," you tell him as you feel his fingers.

"I thought it might."

"If I get hard I won't be able to pee."

"Okay, I'm barely touching you now."

You finally empty your bladder. Glenn looks like he's never seen anything so interesting. Hasn't he been watching himself do the same thing for decades? He shakes your cock and tucks it away, a little bigger than it was before.

"I  _am_  getting hard and it's your fault. You should blow me so I don't walk funny all the way back."

"I'm not sucking you, you just pissed."

"That's where you draw the line, huh?"

You're not really aroused yet and you won't be if you stop thinking about Glenn's mouth. You aren't thinking about it a few minutes later when you step in a hole and your ankle turns over and you fall down. The pain is so intense and immediate that you can't breathe for a few seconds and then you feel sick. By now Glenn has laid the pig down and is kneeling beside you looking worried. You're trying to control your gag reflex while the pain subsides.

"Is it broken?" Glenn asks.

"Let's take a look."

He carefully removes your boot and sock. The ankle is already puffy. You sit up to reach it and force your hands to move over the bones firmly enough to feel them.

"It's just a sprain."

"I've heard that a bad sprain hurts as much as a break."

"You heard right." You grimace. "The good news is I'm not hard anymore."

"The bad news is you're still going to walk funny because I can't carry you."

"Let's get started."

Glenn takes off his coat and flannel shirt to get to his tee shirt. He rips a strip from the bottom. You wring it out with cold water from the canteen, wrap your ankle, pull on the sock and lace the boot loosely. Meanwhile Glenn has untied the pig, wrapped it in a piece of tarp and heaved it into a tree. He wraps one end of the pole with the rest of his shirt and you have a crutch.

"You're pretty good at this," you tell him.

"I've been taking instruction from a survivalist."

"I didn't think you paid attention unless it was about fucking in the woods."

"I also remember about rubbing two cocks together to make heat."

You get into the right rhythm after a dozen steps and make better time than expected. As you emerge from the woods everyone comes to meet you. As soon as they've heard the story you tell Glenn to take someone and go back for the pig. Everyone perks up when they hear that and there's no lack of volunteers.

By the time Glenn is back with the pig you're on the sofa with your leg elevated. The ankle is swollen and bruising is visible. An Ace bandage was found in the older Prentiss boy's room, maybe from a school sports injury. You've been dosed with ibuprofen which you tried to refuse because you didn't want to use up the painkillers but everyone insisted you take them to reduce inflammation. It's nice of them to care but you're tired of them hovering. It's only a sprained ankle and it doesn't need all this attention. Glenn sees your impatience and moves everyone along before you say something sharp that you wouldn't really mean. You always hated being taken care of but it's kind of comforting when Glenn does it.

You won't be hobbling to the attic for a few days so Shane and T bring the mattress down. Glenn will sleep in the living room with you in case you need something. He probably wants to hold your dick again if you have to piss during the night.

He offers a blowjob which you decline because you figure he won't have anything to work with. He doesn't take no for an answer and you respond after all. It feels good. Good enough that you relax and drop off even with your ankle starting to hurt again. But you wake up an hour later because Glenn isn't beside you. He's only a foot lower and a couple of feet away but that's too fucking far.

Glenn

Daryl teases me about being obsessed with his cock, which I am, but he likes it. After I satisfy my oral fixation he goes to sleep but I can't get comfortable. Split level sleeping sucks. He's close but he's up on the sofa and I'm down on the mattress and it's just wrong.

Later I feel his hand on my head so I look up and ask if the pain is bad.

"No."

"Can't sleep?"

"Not up here. Help me down."

I smile. He's not comfortable away from me either. When he's settled he says, "Come here."

I move closer but he pulls me half on top of him and we kiss for awhile.

"You wanna come?" he asks.

My erection is pressed against his leg. I thrust and he laughs softly and says, "Yeah, dumb question."

He slides his thumb across the wet tip of my cock, touches his tongue to the pre-come then rubs the rest on his lips and kisses me so I taste myself. The second swipe of his thumb he smears on my nipples and licks off. When he sucks hard I'm almost done. My balls are starting to hurt. He reaches down and he knows just how I like to be squeezed and rubbed. The hair on his chest is scratching my nipples. Suddenly it's over and I feel boneless. Also bonerless. It's comforting to collapse against him.

As I catch my breath Daryl the hunter remembers his priorities. "What about the pig?"

"We hung it in the garage to drain the blood. Tomorrow we'll butcher it."

"Mmm, bacon for breakfast."

"Pork chops for lunch."

"Ham steak for supper."

"Spare ribs."

"I make a killer sauce," Daryl says, "but we probably can't get all the ingredients."

"Maybe a nice roast."

"Pig knuckle soup."

"No."

"Fried chitlins."

"I don't think so."

"Soused hog's face."

"Sounds disgusting."

"Don't be picky. You can eat almost every part of a pig and they're all good."

"You can eat those parts. I'll have the pork tenderloin."

"I'll give you a bite. You'll change your mind."

"Maybe. Are you tired yet?"

"Nope. You?"

"No. I thought sex would make us sleepy."

"It did. But now I'm hungry. And my ankle hurts."

"More sex so we can sleep plus the endorphins will help with the pain."

Daryl

You thought Glenn was kidding when he suggested a second round but by now you should have known better. He meant it and acted on it. Turned out to be a good idea. You're both asleep minutes after you finish.


	20. Aggression

Daryl

You've been a jerk lately.

You don't dwell on your behavior much but you're aware that in the past months you've been ... nicer. Or at least you tried because you didn't want Glenn to be embarrassed about being with an asshole. And maybe you like these people enough now that you didn't want to snap at everyone for no reason. You're still okay with giving someone hell if there is a reason. Fuck 'em if they don't think it's a good reason.

You've rarely been sick or hurt which is probably why you're a bad patient. The sprained ankle has tested you and you failed. You tried to do too much too soon and strained it and that set you back and made you even more impatient. So you lashed out a couple of times at Glenn. You didn't apologize and you know you should have. Glenn doesn't seem to expect an apology but you've started expecting more of yourself. If he doesn't think he can fuck you into a good humor he just ignores your outbursts and leaves you alone for awhile.

But he's decided to teach you a lesson. At least that's what you assume because you can't find him. It's not like you're joined at the hip even though you're often together. But you generally know where he is and what he's doing and now you don't. You check the house and garage and greenhouse. You comb through the surrounding woods. You call for him softly but you don't shout because being as quiet as possible has become a habit in this world of walkers.

You haven't asked anyone if they've seen him because at first you weren't worried and you didn't want them to think you couldn't let Glenn out of your sight. But now you are worried and if no one knows where he is, it's past time to start a search. Where could he be? He doesn't wander off. Even that time he went swimming he left you a note. Did he fall down a fucking well? Did he take a walk and twist his ankle like you did a couple of weeks ago? You feel panic rising and deliberately tamp it down because that won't help.

You're crossing the yard to the house, ready to raise the alarm, when a piece of bark bounces off your shoulder and you look up to see Glenn's face in the one place you can't believe you forgot to check. The kids' tree house.

You keep your voice calm as you ask, "What are you doing up there?"

"I hadn't been up since we built it so I thought I'd check out the view. There are blankets. I fell asleep."

A red mist clouds your vision for a second. He was taking a nap while you were getting more and more frantic. You realize that your reaction is unreasonable. You should be happy that he was safe and sound and not in danger. Of course you're relieved that he's all right but you're also pissed because you missed something obvious.

You climb the ladder and reach for his jeans, fumbling them open and pulling them down. Glenn looks excited at first like an unexpected encounter in the afternoon will be fun but when you start jerking him off he protests, "Daryl, wait, I don't want to come yet."

"You'll come when I make you come." You don't stop. In fact you get more aggressive and he can't help responding. You've opened your own pants by the time he comes in your hand. You use it to lube your cock then you spin him around and shove him against the wall of the tree house.

It's tight but you think you're wet enough not to do any damage. You and Glenn both like rough sex sometimes but you've never slammed into him like this because you're bigger than average and you don't want to hurt him.

Glenn is still and quiet except for low wordless moans. You're getting close and the hard deep thrusts change to fast and shallow. A minute after you come, with the frenzy over, you're ashamed of what you've done to this man you love. How are you going to explain? You definitely have to apologize.

You kiss the back of his neck and tell him you're sorry at the same time that he says, "Thank you."

He turns his head, looking puzzled. You're frowning because what the hell is he thanking you for?

"What are you sorry about?" he asks.

"For ... this. For practically raping you."

"Daryl, you didn't rape me!"

"It felt a little like I did."

"Why were you rougher than usual?"

"I thought you were missing. I was looking for you but I forgot about the tree house."

"So you were punishing me?"

"Yeah." You don't like admitting it. "Why were you thanking me?"

"I thought you were sorry about being grumpy and this was my reward for putting up with you. "

"I shoulda figured a pervert like you would think getting his ass pounded was a treat."

"I thought you finally decided to give me what I wanted. You're always so careful. If I hide from you, will you fuck me hard again?"

"I'll fuck your other end hard right now. Get on your knees and open your mouth."

Glenn

It takes a while for Daryl to get hard and come again. That's fine with me. I like his smell and his taste and the way he fills my mouth. Apparently I was born to blow. Afterwards we lay on the blankets and talk. He thought I hid from him on purpose.

"I wouldn't do that. I'm not childish or petty. You might have been projecting yourself."

"Are you analyzing me?"

"Yes, for free. If you were a paying patient you'd be my whole practice. I could write up a case study."

"Why didn't you ever practice? As much as I don't believe in that crap, you're good at it."

"I liked the theory but I didn't care for the clinical work."

Daryl pauses. "I didn't really think you ran off to get back at me. I was mad at myself, not you."

"Why?"

"I've been acting like a dick, okay? I know it."

"You haven't been that bad. Just a little testy. And you're entitled. You're not used to being inactive."

"You're so fucking good natured that I'd be tempted to slap you but that would prove I was a dick. How can you be so agreeable?"

"Isn't it a good thing one of us is?"

"That's a shrink thing. Answering a question with another question."

"How does that make you feel?" I ask in my best therapist's voice.

Daryl laughs.

"I don't want you to worry about acting like yourself," I tell him. "I didn't fall in love with a pussy."

"Me neither."

"I'm annoying sometimes, too."

"How?"

"I tease you a lot."

"I don't mind."

"I can't keep my hands off you."

"That's kind of flattering."

"I'm cheerful and optimistic."

"Yeah, I could live without that." He thinks for a moment. "No, I guess I couldn't. It's part of the package."

"And everything about you is part of the package."

Suddenly we hear Carl and Sophia below us. Oh, shit. It's chilly enough that we dressed before lying down so at least we're decent. But they're going to wonder why we're up here and we can't let them know how we desecrated their tree house. What are we going to tell them?

We're standing and Daryl is staring at the roof when they climb in from the ladder. They're surprised but not suspicious. He smiles at them. "How would you like a skylight? I been thinking this would make a good watchtower."

The kids are delighted. I love a man who can think on his feet.


	21. Compatible

Daryl

Your ankle is healed and you and Glenn are back in the attic. Day or night you've always had a good sense of time so without checking your watch you know it's about 4 in the morning when you wake up. You need to piss which happens more often during the night as the years accumulate. A corner of the landing leading to the stairs has a covered bucket for such occasions. Glenn is on his side instead of wrapped around you which is lucky because you can get up without disturbing him.

When you return, there's enough moonlight from the dormer window to admire the line of his body. Shoulders tapering to waist, back curving into ass, legs stretching beyond. Instead of getting back into bed you go around and kneel on the other side to watch him sleep. You already know you won't be able to just watch. You wonder how much you can touch before he wakes up.

You start at his head, a kiss on smooth hair that never seems to be messy even when he sleeps. Forehead, cheek, jaw, neck, shoulder, chest and belly. You alternate a light press of lips with soft swipe of tongue. He's still asleep and you're sure he isn't faking. His breathing hasn't changed and there was no flutter of stomach muscles which has given him away before. You rarely sleep that deeply anymore but you remember years ago when you did. His cock is limp against his thigh. You skip it and move on down his legs. You hesitate when you reach his feet. You've never had a foot fetish but maybe you should try something. You lick across the top of his toes and then take the big toe into your mouth, sucking slightly. Glenn's leg jerks. You glance up but he's still asleep. You move back up his legs alternating licks and kisses.

Glenn isn't completely erect but he's definitely longer and thicker. You stop because this is likely to wake him up and just because you're awake and horny doesn't mean you should rob Glenn of his rest. You've decided to do the noble thing and keep your frustration to yourself for a couple of hours when he whispers, "Put your mouth on me  _now_ , you sadistic bastard."

You open your mouth to reply but you're close to his cock and the angle is right and with one thrust Glenn gets what he wants and you want it, too. Like most men you both love having your dicks sucked and you've both gotten very good at sucking as well. Do men give better head because they're familiar with the equipment? You might be doing some of your best work here. Glenn has lifted one leg over your shoulder to allow better access. You rub your middle finger over the head of your cock for lubrication and slide it in his ass, reaching for the exact spot ... yeah, right there. Glenn's breath hitches, he moans, thrusts one last time and comes.

You're still kneeling by the bed and suddenly it's fucking uncomfortable and your knees are killing you because the floor is bare wood and there's a twinge in your ankle. Glenn moves over to make room for you as he reaches for your cock. You're closer than you thought because you barely make it onto the bed before spilling over his stomach. It feels good to lay pressed together, both of you satisfied.

"How long were you awake?" you ask.

"Since you sucked my toe. When I woke up it felt like I had two cocks."

"First your nipples, now your toes. How many erogenous zones do you have?"

"I didn't know I had those until you found them. I'll let you know if you come across any others."

"I don't have sensitive body parts. Except the obvious."

He runs a fingernail over the small of your back and licks a spot behind your ear and you start to quiver. "I think you're wrong about that."

Okay, you've been wrong before with much worse results.

Glenn

Daryl gets up and finds the thermos, bowl and washcloth. He pours hot water, squeezes out the washcloth and cleans us up. I'm practically purring because the water is warm instead of cold.

"Best boyfriend ever. Most considerate lover," I tell him. "Oh, I forgot you don't like to be called those."

He makes a concession and says I can call him anything I want when we're alone.

"Pookie?"

"Except that."

"How about Buttercup?"

"Fuck, no. Where do you get these things?"

"A girl I worked with."

"Did you sleep with her?"

"Are you jealous?"

"No, it's just a question. I figured she called you shit like that because you slept together."

"I think you're jealous. But no, I only slept with one girl in high school and one in college. The girl at work just liked nicknames."

"Why the hell would she call you Pookie and Buttercup?"

"No idea. Random stuff just leaked from Terry's mouth. It was pretty funny sometimes."

"Maybe you had to be there."

"I think that's probably true. Hey, Terry, Daryl and Glenn are all unisex names."

"No, they aren't. Daryl and Glenn are men's names."

"Men like Glenn Close and Daryl Hannah?"

"Just because girls were given men's names doesn't make them girl names. It makes their parents idiots." He stops to think how this conversation got started then gives me a look and tells me to quit messing with him.

"You're easy to set off."

"Do you know what happened to Terry?"

"No. If she didn't make it, I hope she's really dead instead of not dead enough."

Thinking about the gang at Scooter's Pizza reminds me of life before the ZA. I'm in the mood for a story.

"Tell me what happened with your new career."

"You gave me that career. You tell me."

"But you have to decide what to do with it."

Daryl

A few weeks after the movie shoot ends there's a call from the production assistant you met in Atlanta. She's working in Texas and a stunt double got hurt. They need a guy. Do you want to fill in? You do. You're surprised how happy you are about it. You're on a plane a few hours later and in Texas soon after that. You're brought up to speed on the script and schedule and are on set the next morning. There are a couple other people that you met in Atlanta so it's not all new faces. Although Glenn says you're getting better about interacting with strangers. He uses words like interacting on purpose because he knows you think they're pretentious. In fact, the word pretentious is pretentious.

The location shoot is only one more week but the movie finishes in L.A. By now you know that life in Benford is going to seem small. But you won't be there for long because before you leave Hollywood you are offered another job starting in two months. This is suddenly a serious career opportunity. You always thought you could never live away from Georgia but maybe it's just the outdoors in general that you crave. You're still working mostly outdoors and you don't really miss Georgia except Glenn a lot and Merle a little. Glenn came to California for a few days and you think Merle might have, too, but he couldn't leave the state yet. His probation is over now and you suspect he's got show business fever and will visit your next job.

Glenn

"So when I visited you we hadn't seen each other for a couple of weeks? Tell me what we did."

"That's your area of expertise. It's your turn."

"I'll show you instead."

Afterwards Daryl asks, "You ever think about how well we fit together?"

I push my ass against his groin. "Yes."

"Not just sex. I mean mentally and ... you know ... emotionally."

"Daryl, are you talking about feelings?"

"Not if you're going to take that tone."

"You're becoming sensitive."

"No need for name calling."

"All right, yes, I think about how compatible we are. You've ruined me for anyone else. I don't want anyone else, I don't need anyone else, and no one else would suit me as well."

Silence.

"Are you going to say anything back to me?" I ask.

"Ditto."

"That's the best you can do?"

"You already said it better."

"I'm going to let you get away with it because I'm all fucked out."

"I figured you're just with me for the sex. If we didn't have to hunt to eat we'd never leave this bed. And even then you jump me in the woods."

"I'm just catching up. You've been screwing your way around Georgia for 20 years. I've never had a regular sex life before."

"It was only about three counties, not the entire state. And I didn't enjoy it so much the last few years."

"You enjoy it more now, with me?"

"Yeah, you know I do."

"Our libidos match as well as everything else."

"You could have said 'sex drive' or 'we both like to fuck' but no, I'm with a guy who uses words like libido."

"Think of me as your personal word-of-the-day calendar."


	22. Casualties

Daryl

You're hunting with Glenn, T-Dog and Shane. It's almost spring and prey is becoming more plentiful. You stop for a break in a small clearing and sit on a log with Glenn. Shane is pissing behind a tree. T is sitting down, leaning against another tree, when with no warning a walker crawls around it and bites his arm.

You shoot the crawler and Glenn calls for Shane. T is staring at his arm in disbelief. Five more walkers stumble into the clearing. Shane is back and the three of you take them out and turn to T-Dog. He looks sick but there is already resignation in his face.

Then Glenn tells Shane that his cheek is scratched and he gets the same sick look for a moment before saying uncertainly, "I think it was a branch. I don't think I was close enough to a walker."

But he was because at first he didn't want to fire and bring more walkers with the noise so he moved in close to use his spear. Walker arms were flailing around and he changed his mind and blew them away instead. Time will tell if he's infected.

All of you head for the farmhouse, silent and shocked. T seems like a zombie already. You're all thinking of Jim.

The rest of the group looks like you feel when they hear what happened. It's been quiet and safe here. Even the scare on New Year's Eve was barely a ripple. Today has proved once again that nothing lasts forever and no one is exempt. You've lost others but that was months ago and this smaller group has been close for a long time.

Shane's situation is almost worse. T-Dog knows. Shane is going to have to wonder for days what his fate will be. The scratch is disinfected and an antibiotic ointment applied. It's not deep and might be better left uncovered but a bandage is taped on because no one wants to risk touching it. T refuses any first aid. He knows it would be a waste of precious supplies.

The attack happened mid-morning and by late afternoon T-Dog is sweaty and aching. He comes to you and Glenn and Rick and says, "Let's take a walk."

The four of you stop just inside the tree line at the back of the property.

"I'm done," T says. "We all know what's going to happen and I don't want to drag it out. I want you to do it, Daryl."

You shake your head.

"Yeah, man. Look around. Kind of familiar, isn't it?"

T-Dog, Rick, Glenn and you, just like that rooftop in Atlanta. But everything has changed since then, you most of all. T is a friend now and you don't want to do this but you know you will. And Rick won't stop you this time.

T-Dog smiles. "I'm not asking to make you feel bad. I trust you to do it right the first time." He goes to Glenn and says something. Glenn nods and his eyes fill. T moves on to Rick and does the same thing. Then he steps back and looks at all of you.

"I hope everyone else gets through this. I hope we don't meet again for a long, long time. But I hope we do see each other eventually." He nods at you. "When you're ready."

A half-remembered quote from a high school English class pops into your mind. You think it's from Hamlet and you can't believe something from Shakespeare has stuck with you for 20 years. But it fits this situation. 'If 'twere done, 'twere best done quickly.'

T-Dog walks over and faces a tree. You don't think he realizes you're right behind him since his feet rustling the undergrowth muffles any sound you make. You release the arrow into the back of his head and he drops. You turn away and Glenn and Rick are there with you.

Glenn

T-Dog tells me to take care of Daryl then he says something to Rick and then Daryl gives him the merciful end he requested.

In many ways T-Dog was the best of us. Quiet, good-natured, quick with a smile and good with a gun. No drama or temper or manipulation, just a solid presence always willing to help. Everyone wonders how they would face death. T did it right, calm and brave. His loss makes us less, and not just our numbers.

After a few minutes we go get shovels from the garage and bury him in the woods. Everyone knew what was going to happen when we left the farmhouse. Rick confirms it briefly. We go to bed for a sleepless night. There are at least 20 walkers wandering in from the woods by morning. We put them down and pack up. We're on the road before noon. More walkers are arriving as we leave.

T-Dog and the refuge of Prentiss Produce have become the latest casualties. They say things happen in three's. I hope not this time or we'll lose Shane, too.

A week later we know Shane is all right. His scratch is almost healed. But the third bad thing happens anyway when the first survivor we've seen since Atlanta shoots Carl.

Daryl

Camping seems strange after so long at the farmhouse. You don't mind but you can tell the others are still adjusting. And everybody feels T-Dog's absence.

You and Glenn have had sex once since T's death. It felt good, it's always good, but you're both distracted and by mutual unspoken agreement you're taking a break.

Right after it's clear that Shane isn't infected Carl gets shot. It was an accident but that's no comfort when a kid is bleeding. You end up at Hershel Greene's farm because it was his foreman who pulled the trigger. Hershel is a veterinarian but that's close enough to a doctor to save Carl's life. Greene is a widower with kids and suddenly your group is no longer alone.

Glenn

We knew there had to be other survivors but it's not so easy to meet up because anyone who has made it this long is probably barricaded somewhere safe like we were at Prentiss Produce or the vatos at the nursing home in Atlanta and now the Greene family at their farm. Daryl is wary of new people but I'm glad to see them. It will be good for both groups. We've all been isolated for too long. The strain is starting to show, even between Daryl and me sometimes. On the other hand, it's not surprising after the week we've had. Losing T-Dog, leaving a safe haven, worrying about Shane, and then Carl almost died.

Daryl is more of a loner than me so I'm giving him some space because I don't want our relationship to become another casualty. I'll spend some time with Hershel's family and friends. His daughters are around my age. I don't remember everyone's name yet but the older girl is Maggie.


	23. Altruistic

Daryl

You don't like this place. There's something wrong about Greene's farm. And it's not because there's something wrong between you and Glenn and you don't know how to fix it. You aren't completely sure anything needs fixing. You don't want to imagine trouble where there is none. It started the past week on the road but you didn't think much of it because it was bound to be different for awhile. Too much happened too fast. T-Dog's death affected everybody, more than when all those people were killed at the camp outside of Atlanta. A lot of bodies make people go numb. One person dying kind of concentrates and sharpens the grief.

This is your second day at the farm and the others seem happy to be here, especially since Carl is going to be okay barring complications. Turns out Otis the idiot thought Carl was a walker so he shot him. Nobody likes killing walkers more than you do but have a little discrimination, please.

Hershel Greene has two daughters plus Otis and his wife and a farmhand are staying with him. They'd be constantly underfoot if you hung around. But you don't because it's their home and you're a guest and you don't want to ruin this for everybody else just because you're antisocial and might say something you shouldn't. You got used to Carl and Sophia. They're good kids. You'll probably get used to the Greene's eventually but you don't warm to new people easily. And then you see Glenn and Maggie. She's only a few years younger than Glenn and they're talking and laughing and look like they belong together.

You know they've spent time together the last two days. Looks like they've gotten close in a short time. You and Glenn didn't fuck for almost three weeks after you started spending time together and you had known each other for a month before that. Not that you think Glenn and Maggie are fucking. Yet. You and Glenn share a room at night and during the day they're with the others although they're clearly enjoying each other's company. There's not a lot of places they could sneak off to. Maybe that barn Hershel keeps locked up to protect the supplies stored there. The fact that you're thinking these things makes you feel guilty. What happened to love and trust? Replaced by jealousy and suspicion. You don't like feeling this way but you can't stop. Everything you were sure of before you're uncertain about now and you don't understand why.

All that's been between you and Glenn was real. You meant what you said and you believe he meant what he said. But you don't believe in forever and happily ever after. You didn't before the ZA and even less now and all evidence supports your view.

You'd like to teach that little bitch Maggie a lesson but you can't beat up a girl. If she was a man you'd kick the shit out of him for moving in on your partner. Or not. Because it's not just about you and her and who gets Glenn. Who does Glenn want? Maybe he made the move. You're suddenly aware of the 13 years between you that never seemed to matter before. You're heading for 40 and Glenn isn't 25 yet. He only slept with two girls before you. You are each other's only experience with a man and you wonder how much proximity played in the attraction. Now it seems like your relationship these past months was separate from reality. The world changed and you both needed something to believe in. But Glenn is young and doesn't really know what he wants.

You know what you want but that doesn't mean you'll get it. You could change what you want. If you want Glenn to be happy, you get what you want whether Glenn is with you or someone else. He could have a future with Maggie. You don't want to hold him back from that or anything else. It's killing you as you realize what you have to do.

Tonight in bed you're both lying on your backs beside each other but not touching. That's the way it's been lately. Your chest feels tight like there isn't enough room for your heart to beat. You take a deep breath and say as casually as you can, "The Greene's are quite a family."

"Yeah, it's good to find more survivors. And they've got a nice set-up here."

"Maggie's a cute girl."

"Uh huh."

"How old is she?"

"Twenty."

You close your eyes because you don't want to see his reaction to the words you have to say. "If you're interested in her, I won't stand in the way."

Silence for a moment then he says, "What do you mean?"

Your hands are clenched into fists because he didn't deny interest or make any protest. "She's about your age. You could have a ... normal life with her, maybe even kids."

"Is that what you want me to do?"

"If you want it."

"That's very altruistic of you, Daryl," he says quietly. "That means selfless," he adds sarcastically.

"I know what it means. I'm not stupid."

"I know you're not. But maybe you're not so selfless after all. Maybe you've been thinking of a 'normal' life for yourself. You were straight for 20 years. Do you miss fucking a woman? Carol is only a couple of years older than you and she comes with a daughter. A ready-made family. She could probably have another baby. You might have a son."

You're stunned. Why would he think that? On the road you helped Carol and Sophia set up camp each evening. Shane and T-Dog usually looked after them but T is gone and Shane had that scratch on his mind. It didn't mean you were interested in Carol. You aren't father material either. Has Glenn been wondering if you're having second thoughts about your relationship and you just confirmed it without meaning to? You're afraid you may have made the biggest mistake of your life when Glenn gets up and walks out.

Your first impulse is to go after him but you stop before you reach the door. Glenn is wrong about you and Carol but everything you were thinking about him and Maggie could be true. Maybe you should let him think this through on his own. He's such an open kid but that doesn't mean he never needs privacy. You'll give him some time. If he doesn't come back in a couple of days you'll go to him. And if he's with Maggie you'll have to accept that. You catch sight of your bare chest in the mirror. Your names are over each other's hearts. You'll never regret the tattoo. You hope Glenn won't either no matter what happens.


	24. Infidelity

Glenn

Daryl has been different since we left the farmhouse. That wasn't unexpected after T-Dog's death. It had to be done and Daryl doesn't regret doing it but he's as sorry as all of us that it was necessary. Being back on the road after the safety of Prentiss Produce made everyone edgy. I thought we'd get back to normal after landing at Hershel's farm but instead Daryl is rethinking what normal means. Now that we're with other survivors maybe he's embarrassed by our relationship. He suggested that I hook up with Maggie and be normal again. He's been helping Carol and Sophia lately and I wonder if he's remembering how good it felt to fuck a woman instead of me. Daryl is better with children than he thinks he is and Sophia could use a father.

I was so hurt and angry that I left the room. I never walk out like that. Tonight I did because I also might be feeling just a little guilty. I love Daryl and I don't really think I'm interested in Maggie but there's something in me that's curious about being with a girl again.

I find another place to sleep and the next two days Maggie and I spend most of our time together. I can tell she likes me and she's interested and she thinks it's mutual. Which it is but it's more clinical on my part which makes me feel bad because that's not fair to her. We go to her room the second night. Am I really going to do this? Am I going to sleep with Maggie Greene to see if I'm still sexually attracted to girls? I'm nervous and a little excited and I think she feels the same. She told me she's not a virgin. Thank god because I hope I wouldn't have taken advantage of that.

When we're undressed and in her bed she asks me what the tattoo on my chest means and I lie and tell her it's a Korean symbol of protection to keep me safe. We make out for a while and it's nice but it feels strange after being with Daryl. But it's always unfamiliar at first with a new partner. I'm used to almost instant arousal but not this time and when it does happen it doesn't last long. She's going to notice pretty soon. Maybe she'll think it's just nerves. This is never a problem with Daryl. We just look at each other and we're ready. Sometimes all I have to do is think about him. Like now.

I've been going through the motions with Maggie and she's wet and I'm hard again so I enter her and even though it feels good it also feels wrong. But Daryl is in my mind and we haven't been together for a week and I miss him. I start to say his name and clamp my lips closed. I come before Maggie does and then I help her come and I'm relieved when it's over. I also feel like shit so I say what is probably the worst thing I could say. "This shouldn't have happened."

"I'm sorry," she tells me.

"No, no, it's not you. It's me."

"I don't think you were really here with me."

"That's why this shouldn't have happened. I'm sorry."

"Did she die?"

"Who?"

"Whoever you were thinking about."

"No." Maybe I should be honest with her but I can't tell her I was checking to find out if I like girls after all. She doesn't know about Daryl and me. Everyone is bunking together because there aren't enough rooms. I get up to dress and see my reflection in Maggie's mirror and realize that it wasn't really a lie about the tattoo.

I go to my sleeping bag in the space I found. I know for sure now but I'm ashamed of myself. I used Maggie. I betrayed Daryl. And T-Dog. He told me to take care of Daryl. I didn't even honor a dying man's last request.

How did things fall apart so fast? It's not like Daryl and I don't communicate. We talk about everything. Or do we? We don't talk when we've had an argument. We've never argued much but when we did we just left each other alone for a day or two because we knew it would blow over. And we didn't talk about it afterwards so nothing was settled. It didn't seem worth bringing up again. But we should have because we didn't learn anything. Knowing how to fight with someone you love is important. And making up afterwards. We did fine with that part but sex isn't the only factor in making up. The closest we came was in the tree house a few weeks ago. That might have been a turning point for us except T-Dog got bit soon after and our world changed again and then we came here. This is our first real relationship crisis and we didn't handle it well. It didn't blow over this time and it may be too late now.

I don't believe Daryl is interested in Carol. He was helping her and Sophia because T is dead and Shane was wondering if he would be, too. I was proud of Daryl for stepping up without being asked and then I lashed out and used it against him.

It's 3 in the morning. I haven't slept and don't expect to. I want to see Daryl. I want to explain and ask if he can forgive me. And I'm afraid even if he forgives me that he won't want me back and if he does take me back that it will never be the same between us. Because as much as I love him I know Daryl is a hard man and he has a temper and he has his pride like everyone does. I betrayed him and there may be no second chance.

I wonder if he's awake. If he is, would it be a good sign or a bad one? Good if he can't sleep because he misses me. Bad if he can't sleep because he's angry. And if he is asleep is it because he doesn't care enough to let this keep him awake? I'm making myself crazy and I can't wait any longer.


	25. Reconciled

Glenn

The knob turns silently and the door opens without squeaking. Daryl turns his head to me.

"You're awake," I say, master of the obvious. "Can we talk? Unless you'd rather wait until morning," I add in a hurry because I don't want to sound demanding in the middle of the night.

"Come on in."

I sit on the straight chair and Daryl leans against the headboard. There's not enough light to see him clearly but I haven't looked at him for days and I like watching him. Now that I'm here I don't know how to start. He stares at me, face expressionless. No help there. Not that he should make it easy for me because I don't deserve that.

"I'm sorry, Daryl," I finally say because it seems important to get an apology in first thing. "I slept with Maggie and it was ... Well, I won't go into that."

"So that's it? Thanks for telling me."

His eyes look kind of sad but his face is very closed. He's not going to let me explain. There's not going to be a happy ending. I get up, go to the door and stop with my back to him. My first apology doesn't seem adequate. Maybe it will be easier now that I don't have to meet his eyes.

"I fucked up. I don't blame you for not wanting me back but you should know I really am sorry I hurt you." I dash down the hall because I want to get to my room in case I start crying.

Daryl moves as quickly and quietly as ever. I don't know he's there until I feel his hand on my shoulder. I was just about to open the door. He opens it and pushes me inside. It's pitch dark because there are no windows. I can feel him reaching for a light switch that isn't there. I pull the cord and a single low watt bare bulb comes on.

"Is this where you've been sleeping? It's a fucking closet."

It is in fact a linen closet about five feet long and three feet deep. I took out a couple of the lower shelves so my sleeping bag would fit on the floor. Good thing I'm not claustrophobic.

"I thought you were sharing with Maggie."

"That was just tonight. I left right after ... you know."

"I don't think our talk is over. Come back to our room."

Daryl

Glenn comes to your room in the middle of the night and wants to talk. He can't wait until morning to break it off? He apologizes which is polite but doesn't make you feel better. He says he slept with Maggie but you already figured he did. He stops himself from telling you about it and you're grateful because you don't want to hear how he made a mistake with you and he's not confused anymore now that he's with Maggie.

He looks miserable and even though your whole world is falling apart you don't want him to feel this bad. You end it fast so he can leave but on the way out he says he doesn't blame you for not wanting him back.

Oh, fuck no. It happened again. You didn't learn your lesson from two days ago and jumped to another conclusion. You were so certain this wasn't going to end well that you just made sure it didn't.

You follow Glenn down the hall and find out he's been sleeping in a closet that's not big enough to stretch out his legs. You go back to your room. There's only one chair so he sits on it and you get in bed.

It's chilly and his arms have goose bumps. You flip the covers back on his side. "You're cold. Get in."

You're both lying on the far sides of the bed when something weird happens. You start to turn to him and your arm twitches as if it's got muscle memory of reaching for him. You have to stop yourself from following through.

Glenn still looks unhappy as he says, "I don't have any right to ask but can you tell me if we're going to be okay? I don't mean right away but maybe eventually?"

"We need to set some stuff straight but far as I'm concerned we're okay now."

He looks happier. You're feeling better yourself. Your arm moves involuntarily again. You see the same thing happen to Glenn as he turns to you. You slide across and say, "Get over here." He scoots under your arm, lying against you, and he's back where he belongs.

"What did you want to say when I didn't let you finish?"

"I slept with Maggie. It wasn't good. My fault, not hers. It felt like a mistake as soon as we started but I didn't know how to get out of it and I thought it might get better. It didn't."

"What was the problem?"

"She wasn't you."

"Did she know?"

"She knew I was having trouble. I didn't tell her I got hard again when I thought about you."

"Did you come?"

"Eventually."

"Did she?"

"Finally."

"Jesus, I'm the one who didn't have sex and I feel sorry for both of you."

"I can't believe I did it."

"I practically told you to. I was jealous when I saw you together. Then I started thinking I should give you up for your own good and I said shit I didn't mean."

"But there was something in me that wondered. I'm so sorry."

"Sounds like it was worse for you than me. And not much fun for Maggie either."

"God, no. I feel bad about her. But can you forgive me?"

"Yeah."

"Just like that? How?"

"You needed to know for sure. Are you going to do it again?"

"Of course not. Ever. I don't think I'd take it so well if you were unfaithful."

"You slept with a girl and found out that you want us to be together. That's better than not doing it and having doubts in the back of your mind."

"How did you get so smart about this stuff?"

"I been sleeping with a psychologist. I guess something rubbed off."

"I love you."

"Love you, too. But just so we're clear. You don't fuck anyone but me from now on."

"I don't think I can. Even with Maggie I was fucking you. I almost said your name when I came."

"That's pathetic. I'm not sure I can be with someone who can't fake it better than that."

"I don't fake it with you."

"You don't have to."

"You're going to be smug about this, aren't you?"

"I'm entitled because you're the one who cheated."

"What about all the women you slept with?"

"That was before we were together."

"I am so in the wrong."

"I'm just busting your balls. Since it ended in my favor, I really don't mind that you slept with Maggie. Once. Too bad you didn't get to nail more girls but three is your limit."

"Can I ask how many women you've slept with?"

Uh oh. You could lose the advantage here. "How many do you think?"

Glenn hesitates. He doesn't want to be naïve and guess too low but he doesn't want to offend you by guessing too high. "A dozen?"

Shit. Your moral high ground is sinking but you're going to be honest. "More."

"Fifteen? Twenty?" Glenn's voice is rising a little.

You sigh. "Twenty-six."

"You man-whore!"

He's kind of right but you try to defend yourself. "That's over 22 years, since I was 15."

"Precocious man-whore."

"I forgave you for Maggie," you remind him.

"And I'm glad. But now I don't feel so bad. Twenty-six, Daryl? That's more than one a year."

"Barely. And I only fucked each one a few times."

"That's your justification?"

"I meant I was celibate the rest of the time."

"That must have been 'hard' for you, pun intended. How can you be satisfied with just me?"

"It's all I can do to keep up with you. I'm never going to want anyone else and if I do, I'll be too old and tired to do anything about it."

Glenn

Daryl and I get serious then and tell each other what we've been thinking the past few days.

"What's the use of being gay if I still have to talk about everything?" Daryl asks. "I figured two guys could avoid all that."

Daryl is pretending to grumble but I know he doesn't mean it. It's good to be in synch again. I yawn. The comfort and relief of being with him after three unhappy sleepless nights makes me realize how exhausted I am. I don't even want sex which is a first. I'd do it if Daryl wanted to but he looks like I feel. I ask him what time it is.

"Past 4. We can get a few hours of sleep."

I kiss him without tongue and close my eyes.

Daryl

You're fighting sleep for a few minutes because you want to enjoy feeling this good. You and Glenn haven't even had sex yet but it doesn't seem to matter. Plenty of time later. Maybe forever.


	26. Excitement

Daryl

You sleep longer and more deeply than you thought you would. It's 10 when you wake up. Glenn stirs beside you and you tell him you missed breakfast. Neither of you are hungry for food.

He stretches and says, "I feel great."

You run your hands over him and say, "Yeah, you do."

He grins and gets out of bed. The bedroom door doesn't have a lock but he braces the chair under the knob. No one woke you up but the later it gets the more likely someone will check on you.

It's only been a week but Glenn explores your body with lips and tongue and fingers as if it's unfamiliar terrain. He pushes your boxers down and lies with his head on your stomach. He pulls your erection to his mouth and licks it like an ice cream cone. You smooth his hair and move your hand down his back to cup his ass then around his hip to his cock but he pushes your hand away. "This time is for you."

It's nice to lay there and just feel and not think about satisfying someone else. He moves lower, licking and sucking your balls and stroking your cock and that might be better than a straight blowjob. It's been a week and you get overexcited faster than you would like because you want this to last longer but why should you try to hold off when you know Glenn will be happy to repeat it. You're so fucking glad that everything is all right between you again and it's not just for the sex although at this moment it might be. You come in Glenn's hand and he licks it off and kisses you. He pulls up your boxers and pats the front.

Now you're thinking about satisfying someone else so you slip a forefinger into his briefs and tug. You mean to pull him toward you but the waistband stretches and his cock pushes up. The head pokes above the waistband, pressing back against his belly. You run a finger along the vein on the underside, fingernail scraping, and Glenn pulls his briefs down and kicks them off. He guides his cock through the opening in your boxers. You're getting hard again and there's not much room but that's okay. The heads bump, causing a jolt down your shaft. Your cocks slide against each other then Glenn slips his under yours and whispers that he's going to shoot all over your balls. A minute later he does. Your underwear is a warm, wet mess and you don't care. You like the feeling of his cock softening against yours. You also know what he really likes. You're hard enough again to do it and having just come you'll be able to make it last. During that week on the road you found some lube at a drug store so you strip off your boxers and pull Glenn's knees up and get both of you ready. You remember the tree house and although no harm was done and Glenn loved it you don't want to fuck him that hard again without the prep.

Glenn

Sleeping late and make-up sex. Afterwards we're satisfied and sleepy again but we've got to get up soon, clean up and make an appearance for lunch.

Suddenly there's pounding on the door and Rick shouts, "Sorry, but it's an emergency. There were walkers locked in that barn and they got out."

Daryl and I pull on our pants, grab our crossbows and head for the yard. We hear shots and screaming and we don't know what to expect as we exit the house.

It's a bloodbath. Carnage everywhere. Hershel's wife and son were being kept in the barn along with others, and his younger daughter got bit during the attack. Maggie didn't but her family is wiped out except for her father. I probably gave her the worst night of her life and now she gets the worst day.

Daryl

Why don't people believe you? You knew there was something hinky at the Greene farm. Everybody thought you were upset about Glenn and they didn't take it seriously. Yeah, you were fucked up about Glenn but your instincts were still good. Something was wrong but you would never have guessed that old Hershel was keeping walkers locked in the barn like livestock because he believed there might be a cure someday. They got cured today with bullets and bolts in the brain. And even though Hershel accepted that he was wrong and it had to be done it caused hard feelings so you all packed up and left. Carl is far from healed but kids are resilient and he was well enough to be carried carefully to the car. Glenn is beside you in the truck and you aren't sorry to be on the road again. Glenn doesn't mind either but you're driving and he's bored. He reaches between your legs. You tell him no a little regretfully.

"You're right," he says. "Rick is in front and Shane is behind. They'll know what's going on if my head disappears when I go down on you."

You didn't expect him to give in so easy and seconds later you know why when he opens his jeans and starts jacking off. It's quite a show - sight and sound - because he's telling you what he's imagining you're doing to him and he's moaning as he gets closer. This kid will be the death of you, maybe literally if you drive off the road because you keep looking at him. Watching him and listening to him may be more distracting than if you had let him suck you off.

"Please, Daryl. I'm almost there but I don't think I can come unless you touch me."

Not true of course but you like hearing it and you want to hold his cock. You reach across and grip him firmly and feel the soft skin against your palm with hot blood pulsing beneath, making it hard.

"Jerk it," Glenn pleads.

You shake your head. "You just wanted to be touched. You do the moving. No hands."

His eyes close and his head falls back. His hips buck up and down, pushing his cock through your fist. He stiffens and groans and you cup your hand over the head so he doesn't explode all over your truck. You've seen Glenn come a lot and there's always a lot of come.

When he recovers enough to speak he says, "Asshole. Making me do all the work." But his tone is affectionate.

You tell him you'll make it up to him tonight.

Glenn

I have an idea. "You know what we haven't talked about for awhile? If the ZA hadn't happened. You can make it up to me with a story."

"Oh, shit. Sex would be easier."

"What if Merle found out about us?"

"I had a dream about that, remember?"

"That was if he came back and found out now. It could be completely different without the ZA. Start thinking. I don't want to be disappointed tonight."

"I like it better when you just want me to fuck you into the mattress."

"That's good," I tell him. "Put it in the story."


	27. Connecting

Glenn

It was midafternoon when we left Greene's farm so we didn't go very far before setting up camp for the night. After the morning make-up sex Daryl and I are content just to be close tonight. It feels like forever since we kissed without it leading to more and sometimes that's enough. Daryl is being very creative with his tongue and teeth and I appreciate it but he probably hopes it will make me forget about our conversation in the truck. He's good but not that good. I tell him I'm waiting for the story.

Daryl

It's Thanksgiving and you've been back in Georgia for two months. Tomorrow you leave for California again to start the new job. You have an early flight so Merle drops you at a motel near the airport. Glenn joins you later. You saw him a few days ago but you won't see him again until you get back so tonight is important.

When you turn from locking the door he launches himself at you and since you're strong and he's not heavy, it's no problem to hold him while he greets you. But it's time to move to the bed when he starts grinding the seam of his jeans against your zipper. You strip yourself and him, spoon him, and tease him by rubbing your cock over his ass and between his legs. You finally fit yourself between his ass cheeks and relax as if that's all you plan on doing. After awhile Glenn gets a little frantic and starts pushing back against you. When he asks if you fell asleep you flip him over and proceed to fuck him into the mattress.

Glenn

"You remembered! Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now shut it. I'm losing the thread."

Daryl

Afterwards you ask how Thanksgiving was with his folks.

"Good. The best for years, actually. What did you and Merle do?"

"Merle shot a turkey yesterday so we did the big dinner thing."

"I thought you guys didn't cook much."

"We don't cook fancy but holiday meals are easy. Turkey, stuffing, gravy, sweet potatoes. Plenty of carbs and lots of leftovers."

"Merle's doing okay?"

"Yeah, almost like before he went into the service." You pause. "He's coming to California at the end of the shoot. I'm going to tell him about us when we get home."

Glenn looks surprised. "Are you sure? You don't have to for me."

"It's time he knew. Your folks have known for months."

"Why not tell him in California?"

"I don't want to fly across the country with him if he takes it poorly."

"Tell him on the plane. He can't make a scene there."

"Yes, he can. And we'll both get on a no-fly list. I'll tell him before we drive home. If he wants to talk about it, I'll go to Benford with him and see you the next day. If he wants me out, I'll call you for a ride."

In the morning you only have time for a quick stroke and squirt but that's all right because fast can be fun and sometimes that's what you're in the mood for. You come on each other's belly and since you're already in the shower clean-up is fast and fun, too.

The shoot is smooth. There are some familiar faces and a few new ones. You're getting acquainted with a lot of people in the business and they're getting to know you as well. You're serious about this new career so you spent the break in Georgia learning the basics of martial arts and sword fighting. You want to have some experience with anything a director or stunt coordinator asks for. You're already good with guns, knives and crossbows and you can drive most anything. Merle has a buddy at Fort Benning who gave you a crash course on military weapons. You're pretty good on horseback and you worked with explosives on a couple of part-time jobs over the years. Glenn says you've acquired an impressive skill set. He talks like that sometimes so you let him write your resume and now you've got an agent.

Another advantage of those classes you took was spending more time with Glenn. Instead of weekdays in Benford and weekends in Atlanta it was the other way around. That's another reason you want to tell Merle. You're tired of lying and evading and if Merle can't handle it you might as well find out now.

During the second week the stunt coordinator invites you for a beer at the end of the day and you wonder if you're going to be let go. Nothing has gone wrong but you already know life is uncertain in Hollywood. But you're not fired. The guy wants to give you some advice. You came late to this work but he says you're doing well and he suggests if you want to get better known and stay employed, you should consider moving to L.A.

You know he's right but you have to think about what this really means. What about Glenn? You think the two of you are solid but this is a big deal. He could leave his job easy enough but he likes it and he likes Atlanta and he's getting along with his folks again. You don't mention it right away but after a few days you bring it up in your nightly phone call.

"I been thinking about moving here to be near the work."

"I wondered if it would come to that. You really like it."

"It's one of my two favorite things but I can't fuck you 24/7."

"You could but you won't take those little blue pills."

"I'm saving that option for a few years down the road when I really need them."

"Will we be together in a few years?"

"I hope so. I'm hoping you'll come to California with me."

Glenn is silent for a moment and you suddenly think you're crazy to expect him to uproot his life and move across the country.

"Will you still move if I stay here?"

Now it's your turn to be silent. Maybe you should say no, you'll stay in Georgia, but you can't. You love him but you have to try this.

"It's my one shot," you tell him. "I need to take it, see what happens."

"Good. I'm glad you feel that way. I don't want to be the reason you don't do something that's important to you."

He doesn't sound sad or mad but you aren't clear what this means for the two of you. It's not over, is it? Just like that? "Will we still see each other? We can't get together as often on opposite coasts but I don't want this to end."

"Oh, I'm coming with you. I just wanted to be sure you weren't turning into a guy who gives up his dream."

"You little fucker. I thought we were breaking up by phone!"

"If we break up we should do it in person so we can have sex one last time for closure."

"If we don't break up we can keep having sex." The mood of the conversation is light but you feel like you're proposing.

Glenn seems to understand what's being said beneath the surface. "That sounds good," he says seriously. "What's the plan for moving?"

"How about after the first of the year? We can stay in a motel for a week or two while we look around."

"You'll hate living in an apartment. Maybe we could get a house."

"Probably not right away, but we'll check it out."

"You wouldn't have to tell Merle about us since you won't be living here."

"I'm telling him anyway. What if he calls and you answer my phone? Or he'll visit sometime. You're not moving out while he's here. But you're right. It might be easier for him since I won't be around."

Merle arrives a few days later and the shoot is over two days after that. The last night you and Merle take a six-pack and sit by the pool in the motel you're staying at. Merle has been in a good mood and you're considering whether to tell him about Glenn now instead of waiting until you get back to Georgia. Before you decide, Merle shares his own news. "I been seein' somebody."

So sex is responsible for Merle's good mood. You ask him how long.

"Four months. We met while you were in Texas."

What does she do?"

"Teaches over at the high school."

"What subjects?" Merle seems a little uncomfortable having this conversation so you're trying to show some interest without getting too personal.

"English. And she's the librarian."

Well, this is new for Merle.

"Are you gonna make a comment about her bein' a librarian?"

"I'll pass."

"Good. Because your own peculiar sex life don't bear scrutiny."

You freeze. He knows. Or at least he knows something. But maybe not. You let him think you had an Asian girlfriend and Merle suspects she's a hooker or a stripper. You decide to play the librarian card after all. "Peculiar? Scrutiny? You talk like you're dating a librarian."

"At least she's the opposite sex."

Okay, he knows. "How long have you known?"

"That your geisha is a guy? I suspected when I went to the set in Atlanta twice and your 'girlfriend' wasn't there and the only Asian was a friend of yours named Glenn which I found out from someone else since you didn't introduce us."

"I didn't think you'd take to the idea this calmly."

"I was thinkin' about disowning you then I met Penny and forgot about it for awhile. Is this some phase you're goin' through or are you queer now?"

"It's not a phase."

"What the hell? I heard enough from your women over the years to know they weren't disappointed."

"Maybe I was disappointed."

Merle shakes his head. "You really are queer."

"If it makes you feel better, I won't be around to embarrass you. I'm moving out here after the first of the year."

"I figured that could happen. The geisha comin' with you?"

"Yeah."

"Well, you'll fit right in here in the land of the fruits and the nuts."

You can't help laughing, maybe with relief, because even though Merle is being deliberately offensive, he's actually taking it better than you expected.

"So what's the story? What does Glenda do?"

You let Merle get away with 'geisha' because you led him to believe you had an Asian girlfriend but you may as well stop that shit now so you ignore him and drink some beer.

"Touchy," Merle says. "You weren't so sensitive with women. All right, what does Glenn do?"

"Pizza delivery."

"Are you shittin' me?"

"No."

Merle stares at you. "My brother turns queer and the best he can do is a pizza delivery boy?"

"Yeah," you say quietly. "Glenn is the best I can do and better than I deserve."

"That serious, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I don't understand it but I suppose I don't need to."

This is quite an admission from Merle so you give him some more information. "Glenn's parents are Gene and Lois Rhee."

"I heard of him," Merle says, surprised. "He's loaded."

"Glenn is an only child."

"I take it back. Your boy has prospects. Do they know about you?"

"Yeah, we get along. Glenn and I have dinner with them every few weeks. And he's not a boy, he's 24."

"I didn't mean nothin' about his age."

Why didn't Merle jump on you about the age difference? "How old is Penny?"

"Thirty-eight."

She's eight years younger than Merle which is less than the years between you and Glenn but enough that he must have decided not to get into it with you about Glenn's age.

"Do I get to meet your guy?" Merle asks.

"You really want to?"

"Guess I should. Unless you don't want him to meet me."

You realize that Merle thinks you might be ashamed of him. But you're still suspicious so you ask, "You don't want to meet him so you can beat him up, do you?"

Merle looks insulted. "If I wanted to beat him up, I'd track him down myself. And If I wanted to beat anybody up, why a stranger when you're handy?"

"Okay, I'll have him meet us at the airport. Do I get to meet Penny?"

"I'll ask her to come to the airport, too. Might as well get it out of the way at the same time."

Glenn and Penny are waiting for you and Merle at ATL. They got acquainted before you arrived. Introductions are a little awkward but not terrible. Glenn invites everyone for Christmas at his parents' house.

Merle and Penny are as impressed with the Rhee estate as you were the first time you saw it. Merle greets Glenn's folks in Korean and you remember that he was stationed in Seoul for awhile when he was in the Army. Glenn's parents look pleased even when Merle admits he just used up all the Korean he remembers.

After dinner Pop tells you he and Mom want to buy you and Glenn a house in L.A. You're surprised although you should have expected it. You thank him and say it's not necessary. Pop turns to Merle as if he's an ally which means hell must be cooling off.

"Tell your brother not to be so proud. We wish to do this for our son and him."

"It ain't pride, it's ignorance," Merle says. "He don't understand California real estate. Daryl, you're going to end up renting a dinky apartment in L.A. or a shoebox house so far from L.A. you might as well stay here because the drive time won't be much less than a direct flight. Let the Rhees set you up someplace decent so their son doesn't have to live in a shit-hole."

Merle is right. But you also know Pop pretty well by now. "All right. I appreciate it. How big a tax break do you want? Just so we know what price range to look at."

Pop smiles. Mom looks approving. Merle is satisfied and Penny is amused. Glenn thanks you later in the whirlpool in his bathroom. Merle and Penny drove back to Benford but you and Glenn stayed over in Glenn's suite as you often do when you come to dinner. How can warm bubbling water turn you into a quivering mass? Might be the strategically placed water jets surrounding the tub. And how can Glenn stay underwater so long without breathing and with his mouth full?

Glenn

"That's a side of Merle I never saw. You made him almost charming in a loutish way."

"He was like that when I was growing up. Merle was always tough but he could be kind of loose and funny sometimes. He acted redneck and racist but a lot of it was an act. He liked playing a Southern stereotype. When he came home from the Army it wasn't an act anymore."

"What happened in the Army?"

"Merle never talked about it. I don't know if something happened or if it was just that he started using. He kept it up off and on after he got out. He dated a teacher ten years ago. I always thought it might have been different for Merle if they'd lasted."

"This is your chance to make it different. I like that life. I wish we were living it."

Daryl looks around the tent. "This isn't so bad. And the sex is great."

"Yes, but I miss the whirlpool." I can tell Daryl is thinking about that scene he imagined. I move my leg between his and rub my foot up his calf then nudge my knee higher on his thigh.

"Yeah, a whirlpool would be nice," Daryl says. "Let's put one in the house in California."


	28. Homecoming

Glenn

I'm a hero for finding our new home.

We left Greene's farm four days ago. We were on the back roads again looking for a place to stay for a couple of months because Lori is due in a few weeks. She's had no problems but the usual during pregnancy and we've made sure she gets enough to eat but life is stressful at the best of times and she's had to deal with walker attacks, T-Dog's death and Carl getting shot all within a week. As we all have.

The road and surrounding country seemed familiar. When I was 17 my mother had a hysterectomy and recuperated at a small private clinic for six weeks. She could have had a nurse and stayed at home but she didn't want anyone to witness her weakness. It was before things got bad between us so my father and I went to see her on weekends. Stonehill Convalescent Facility was the name and it seemed worth checking out when we came to a crossroad I remembered as the turnoff.

A few miles and a couple of turns later we reached the gates which were closed but not locked. The parking area in front was empty. The place looked deserted and there were no broken windows or obvious signs of attack. The name is false advertising since there are no stones and no hill but the place looked pretty much the same as I remembered. A one story brick building with a shed behind for the facility's vans and four small cottages to the side for the director, caretaker and other onsite staff.

The property is securely fenced because this was an exclusive place for the wealthy to recover after surgery and a place to send relatives with Alzheimer's or drug problems. We didn't have to guess what happened because the director left a letter on the door sealed in a zip lock bag and dated a week after the power grid went down last summer.

_To All Concerned:_

_The generator is still working but the pump for the well broke and couldn't be fixed. Supplies are running low as well and without water we can't stay. The final transmission we heard was that the CDC is working on a cure. The vans are being loaded now. We should be there by afternoon._

_Be assured that everyone is well and safe. We will meet soon in Atlanta._

She probably meant it at the time. I wonder if they made it to the highway. Maybe they even got to the interstate.

We went through everything to be sure it was clear. We decided to stay in the main building instead of separating into the cottages. It's safer and there are plenty of rooms. We're in stealth mode. All the windows have blinds and there are plenty of blankets to block light at the edges. Our vehicles are in the shed and the gates are closed and locked. There's a track leading to another gate at the back of the property so we have two exits but mostly we're relying on the seclusion that has kept this area free of walkers for nine months.

I have something to look forward to. As we were clearing the main building Carol came out of a rehab room and said it was a shame the water was off because there's a whirlpool and it would be so good for Lori.

The hell with Lori, what about Daryl and me? We look at each other across the room then Daryl moves close enough so no one else can hear him.

"I'm fixing that fucking pump."

Daryl

You take the well pump apart and find the problem pretty quick. There are mowers in the shed and you cannibalize a few parts and it's working again. The caretaker must not have tried very hard to fix it, but why would he? Supplies were running low anyway and they thought Atlanta was salvation. They were probably glad to have an excuse to leave.

You feel as lucky to find this place as you were to find Prentiss Produce all those months ago. And if Glenn didn't know about it, you probably would have missed it because it's way off the beaten track and your convoy wasn't checking every little byroad you passed.

Everybody takes their turn in the whirlpool and you and Glenn are satisfied to be last. Nothing wrong with anticipation. Although you'll be pissed if the well pump gives out again before you get your chance.

Glenn

It's our third night at Stonehill and everyone else is in bed. Daryl and I are locked in the whirlpool room, about to fulfill our fantasies.

I wasn't a jock in high school but I was on the swim team and I can still hold my breath a crazy amount of time. This is an advantage when giving head underwater. Daryl comes faster than usual. Was it my mouth or did he want to finish so I could come up for air?

We're facing each other on opposite sides of the tub. He pulls my legs to him. My feet just reach his face and he does something he hasn't done since the attic at Prentiss Produce. He sucks my toes, all of them individually and then the two big toes together and like before it feels like I have extra cocks. Then he pulls my legs apart like a wishbone and goes for the real thing.

Daryl is good underwater but he can't stay down as long as I did. That's all right because he licks and sucks my nipples while he's catching his breath and one hand is on my cock and the other is rolling my balls in his palm. I feel like I'm on sensory overload.

Daryl says he'll drown if he tries to finish underwater so he lifts me onto the tile surrounding the tub and turns me on my side so my cock is sticking over the edge and blows me. After I come I'm still jerking from the after spasms and he rolls me into the tub and holds me until I stop shaking.

This thing between us is deeper than ever. I'm not excusing what happened with Maggie but maybe something like that was necessary to take our relationship to this level. Daryl knows what I mean when I tell him.

We want to live and be together a long time but we know that may not happen. And we're okay with it. Besides, we're getting two lives for the price of one right now. Which reminds me, what happened when we moved to California?

Daryl

Glenn is turning the house into a home and you feel guilty because you aren't helping. He seems to enjoy it but you don't want him to be stuck doing what you consider 'woman's work' so you offer to get some towels or sheets or dishes. Glenn gets a panicked look on his face and then you know. "You don't want me to pick stuff out."

"It's just that I've got it all planned."

"You don't think I have good taste."

"The La-Z-Boy and animal head are fine for the den but I don't want that theme through the whole house."

Well, that's fair but you wonder what the theme is. "It's not going to be over-decorated, is it? We don't want a showplace you can't sit down in."

"If you don't like something, we'll change it."

You let it go because you trust Glenn but you're a little worried because you don't want the place to look like two gay guys who love interior design. There's not much furniture yet. Most of it will be delivered next week when you're gone. This reminds you that you haven't told Glenn.

"I'll be on location for three weeks."

"Where?"

"Q'nista."

Glenn raises his brows.

"It's a planet in the fourth sector that looks just like Montana."

"I'm guessing without the sheep."

"Yeah, they're building a few weird animals and the rest will be CGI. Speaking of animals, I'm gonna do some hunting while I'm there. Want to come up?"

"Normally I would love to watch you kill things but I'm busy. The house will be finished when you get back."

You get home at 4 in the afternoon. Glenn is waiting and as far as both of you are concerned it's time for bed. You haven't even had solo sex since you left because you decided to save it for your homecoming.

Glenn

"You went three weeks without sex?"

"That's what I said."

"I don't believe it."

"I went a lot longer than that before we got together."

"Me, too. But now ... Why can't we keep our hands off each other?"

"Because we don't have to."

"I don't think I waited until you got home."

"I'm not surprised, you randy little prick. Now, do you want to hear this or are we going to keep talking about our sex life?"

"Sounds like you're still going to be talking about our sex life but please continue."

Daryl

The two of you haven't talked much because cell coverage was spotty. So you're happy to see each other and you prove it a couple of times before you're relaxed enough to notice the new bed. You're lying in the middle and there's enough room on either side for several more people.

"Is this the orgy model?"

"It's a king."

"We used to sleep on a sofa bed."

"We slept on a queen at my parents."

"Well, the name king is better than queen but it's pretty damn big."

"I thought we'd like to spread out."

"I kind of like sleeping right next to you."

"Me, too. We can use the space when we're awake, not asleep. But remember, I said we'll change anything you don't like."

You're already thinking about how the extra space can be used.

"What are you smiling about?" Glenn asks.

"I got a picture in my mind. We'll try it later."

You get up and go through the rest of the house. Everything looks great and feels like you've lived here for years instead of just moving in. Some things match and some don't but it all goes together and it's comfortable and it looks like it just happened that way instead of being planned.

A week later Merle calls to tell you he and Penny are getting married over spring break. You're surprised because although you liked Penny you didn't expect her to stick around and you certainly didn't expect a wedding. Why don't they just live together? But she's a high school teacher. Maybe she's setting a good example for her students.

"If you got nothin' else on, you wanna come home and be a witness?"

"Are you asking me to be your best man?"

"We're gettin' married at the courthouse so I think it's just witnesses not best man and maid of honor."

"I'll be there."

"You can bring Glenn."

"What if he catches the bouquet?"

"That'll be your problem, not mine."

When you tell Glenn later he asks how far along Penny is. You stare at him. You never even thought of that.

"Merle can't be a father. He shouldn't even be a husband."

"Don't be judgmental. He cut down on his drinking and I think he stopped the drugs completely. Penny is good for him."

"But would he be good for a baby?"

"Maybe Merle needs something to live up to."

At the courthouse a few weeks later Merle is nervous before the ceremony and drags you with him to the men's room where he confirms Glenn's suspicion. "Penny's knocked up."

"I wondered." You don't mention that Glenn thought of it. "When is she due?"

"October."

"This is a big deal. Are you up to it?"

"Guess I'll find out."

"You gave me advice about condoms when I was 14. You don't practice what you preach?"

"It wasn't an accident."

"You and Penny were trying to get pregnant?"

"She's 38. She wants a kid before her eggs go bad. I'm the sperm donor."

"You don't think that's all she wants, do you?"

"Maybe."

"She doesn't have to marry you to have a kid. And she didn't have to screw you to get sperm. Face it, Merle. The only reason for her to be with you is she loves you. You better feel the same or you shouldn't do this."

"I love her. Can't believe it goes both ways."

"Are you confused because you think she's interested in your looks or your money or your charm?"

"She could do better, couldn't she?"

"Lots. So why did she pick you?"

Merle nods. "Okay, I'm ready."

You wonder if you should have spent the time talking Penny out of this marriage instead of Merle into it.

Merle calls a month later sounding shell-shocked. You're afraid it's bad news about the pregnancy.

"Did something happen?"

"Yeah."

"Is Penny all right?"

"Yeah."

"What happened?"

"Had an ultrasound."

"Jesus Christ, Merle, do I have to drag it out of you? What the fuck is it?"

"Twins."

They must be Siamese twins with missing limbs or sharing a brain or something. "Will they have to abort?" you ask quietly.

"Abort? What for?"

You and Merle are failing to communicate. "Is something wrong with the babies?" you ask slowly and clearly.

"There's two of 'em!"

Okay, the problem is Merle not the babies. "Is that the only reason you're freaked out?"

"It's not an 'only' reason, it's two reasons."

"This is a good thing. Now you'll only have to go through it once."

"We were only gonna have one kid."

"That's what Penny said, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Well, chances are if everything went okay she'd want to do it again next year."

"You think so?"

"Yeah, she wouldn't want the kid to be an only child. And if it was a girl, she'd want to give you a son. And if it was a boy, she'd want to try for a girl."

"Oh, fuck."

"But this way you get two kids at once and no matter what sex they are, you can say that's it."

"Doc said it could be two girls, two boys or one of each. Can't tell yet."

"Are you going to find out later?"

"No, we wanna be surprised."

"You're already surprised."

"By 'we' I meant Penny wants to be surprised."

"There's a word for guys like you. Pussy-whipped."

"There's a word for guys like you, faggot."

"I'm not going to get a surprise like you did."

"Lucky faggot."

"You didn't let Penny know you panicked, did you?"

"Naw, I said it was great news and then I got the hell out and called you."

"Good. Have I talked you off the ledge?"

"Yeah, I'm all right."

"It really is great news, Merle. Congratulations."

"Two of everything at the same time. I gotta get a better job."

"Glenn wants to talk to you."

Glenn

"You hit the jackpot, stud."

"I'm not comfortable with a queer calling me stud."

I ignore him. Merle likes to be offensive. "Twins are proof of virility."

"There's other twins around here. Joe and Lorinda have boys and Bobby and Sheila have girls."

"Identical or fraternal?"

"Identical."

"I should have said fraternal twins are proof of virility. With identical twins, the egg did all the work by splitting. With fraternal, two eggs got fertilized at the same time. With your sperm."

"That's how it works, huh?"

"Yep."

"I like that. I'm gonna tell people. But I'm not gonna say where I got it."

"Homophobe." I like to be offensive, too.

"I got a reputation to maintain."

Daryl

Merle calls from the hospital at the end of September to tell you Penny is in labor and he's about to go in with her.

"Try not to faint."

"I'll call you later."

He does, to tell you he's got a son and a daughter and everybody's okay. Merle sounds excited and happy.

"What are the names?"

"Not final yet. I'll let you know."

"Glenn wants to talk to you."

Glenn

"Send my parents a birth announcement. They'll set up college funds for the kids."

"Really?"

"Sure. It's not like they're going to get grandchildren from Daryl and me."

"Well, the kids aren't gonna get grandparents from me and Daryl so they might as well have Koreans."

Daryl

Merle doesn't call back to tell you the names so you call your sister-in-law and ask how she's doing. Penny sounds exhilarated. You tell her you and Glenn will be there in three days then you ask what they named your niece and nephew.

"Marcy and Mason."

For a few seconds you think the names are cute but then ...

"No. Not Mason Dixon."

"Yes."

"Merle's idea?"

"Of course."

"Is the birth certificate filled out?"

"I'm afraid so."

"You couldn't stop him?"

"I'm his wife not a nuclear device. He said I should name the girl and he'd name the boy. It sounded so reasonable."

"Was he drunk?"

"No, he only has a few beers a week and a whiskey on Saturday."

"Well, it's unique."

"It is. And it's already grown on me. He's adorable and I can't think of him as anything but Mason. And Marcy is perfect. They're so sweet together."

"I admit my first thought was the names sounded good for twins. Who was first?"

"Marcy by four minutes."

Glenn

"Hold on. I just realized you're leaving out a lot."

"Like what?"

"How did we find the house? Do we have neighbors? What do I do in California while you're working? Did we meet Penny's family at the wedding? You're going too fast."

"Those are details for you to fill in. I'm not only doing all the work in California, I'm doing all the work on this story. Take your turn, you lazy sex fiend."

"That's another thing. There's not enough sex."


	29. Adventures

Daryl

You're all settling in at Stonehill. A garden is started in the hope that you'll be here for awhile. You're mainly a hunter but you and Merle kept a small plot of favorites so a little weeding and watering isn't beneath you. You work in pairs and when it's yours and Glenn's turn you ask him if he's filled any gaps in the story.

Glenn

My mother doesn't waste time so the day after Christmas she makes a few calls and tells us that a real estate team will meet with us as soon as we get to L.A. to begin showing properties.

"Team?" Daryl asks.

"Two men and a woman. Very good. Highly recommended. Here is a questionnaire. Complete it and I will fax it back."

The questionnaire is brutal. These people will know more about us than our families do. They better find us a house we love.

Daryl bought Merle a motorcycle after his first job in Atlanta. He saved his money from the Texas and California jobs and he's getting a new truck for the drive to California. He's leaving the truck he and Merle share for Merle. We're not taking a lot with us so everything will fit in Daryl's truck and my car. Road trip!

Daryl's truck is filled up with his motorcycle, weapons and a huge animal head with antlers. He packs it carefully in a padded reinforced crate and wraps it in plastic. It was a beautiful animal. I guess the head still is but it makes me uneasy.

"Did you shoot that antelope while it was playing with the deer and the buffalo?" 'Home on the Range' is the only old West song I can think of.

"It's not an antelope."

"Well, it's not a moose. I know what those look like."

"It's not a moose and it's not an elk. Here's a hint. I bagged it on a hunting trip with Merle in Canada."

"Daryl, you didn't kill a reindeer!"

"Fuck, no. It's a caribou."

"And then you cut off its head and had it mounted."

"Quality taxidermy like this isn't cheap. That head will last forever."

I was afraid of that but I don't say it out loud.

It takes us a week to drive from Atlanta to L.A. There's no particular hurry so we stop and do tourist stuff and basically fuck our way across the country.

Daryl

You stop at a rest area. You and Glenn are at opposite ends of the urinal because gay is no reason to ignore the male code of bathrooms and movie theaters. Leave a space or seat between you whenever possible.

You're alone so Glenn wanders around looking in the stalls and calls out excitedly that there's a glory hole.

"No," you tell him, knowing what he'll suggest.

"Don't you want to experience something new?"

"I'm not sticking my dick in that hole and I'm not sucking your dick through it."

Glenn has taken a closer look by now and agrees. "Yeah, that's nasty." He pauses. "Let's use the end stall."

So you do. Someone comes in but there's only one set of feet visible and you're both quiet and the guy leaves pretty quick.

"You're going to get us arrested," you tell Glenn.

"I hope we're in the same cell. Jail sex. That would be something. Actually, adjoining cells would be better with bars between. Daryl, we should turn ourselves in."

You laugh because he's joking. Probably.

You stop overnight on the outskirts of Dallas and while Glenn is in the shower you call Tom Chase, a good ole boy you met last year on the Texas shoot. Tom is a stuntman who only works locally because he's as married to Texas as he is to his wife. You got acquainted and Tom said give him a call anytime you're in the area. That's the bullshit kind of thing people say and don't mean but you decide to call anyway.

"Tom, it's Daryl Dixon. From the 'Range War' remake last year."

"Hell yes, Daryl. What are you up to?"

"Driving to California."

"Driving? Are you in Texas?"

"Just outside Dallas."

"We gotta get together."

"That'd be nice if the timing isn't bad. There's something I want to mention. Never came up last year but if we work together again I wanted you and the others to know. Unless you already heard. I'm gay."

You've never said it out loud to a stranger before. It seems wrong to say such a thing but this is an experiment. Tom is silent for a few moments. You would be, too, if someone you knew for a week five months ago called up out of the blue with an announcement like that.

"I, uh, no, I didn't hear that. Don't make no difference," Tom adds but you can hear in his suddenly too hearty voice that it does matter.

"So you're on your way to California." Tom switches subjects.

"Yeah, moving to L.A."

"Good place to be in our line of work. Good luck. Well, I wish it could've worked seeing you but ..."

"Yeah, it's short notice and I've got an early start tomorrow." You both hang up. Now you know.

Glenn is leaning in the bathroom doorway wearing a towel. He's got that sleek swimmer's body and his skin has a gold tinge and the tilt of his eyes is very noticeable. He looks foreign and familiar at the same time. You've never thought of him as beautiful but he is. And you don't mean in a girly way like a woman is beautiful. This is a masculine way but you've never thought that about any other man so maybe it's just a Glenn thing.

He heard enough of the conversation to know what happened. "I'm sorry," he says.

You shrug. "I'm not."

"Not everyone is open-minded."

"Your folks are okay with it. Hell, even Merle is. That's more than I expected."

Glenn is studying you. "You really don't mind." He thinks for a minute then nods. "It was a test. You wanted to get the first time telling someone outside of family over with but you didn't want it to matter too much. Tom isn't going to leave Texas so it's possible you'll work with him again but not probable."

You smile slightly. "Getting inside people's heads like that, you should have been a psychologist."

"Not sure I have much insight into anyone else but I know you pretty well."

"You missed one thing but that's because you don't know Tom. He likes to talk and he'll tell everyone. Even though he's in Texas, word will get around. I may not have to tell anyone else."

"You don't have to tell anyone anyway. It's nobody's business but ours."

"It's better if word gets out. Don't have to talk about it but I'd rather they know so it doesn't feel like a secret."

"You're pretty good at head games, too."

"Are you going to stand there in that towel all night?"

"I could stand here without the towel." He untucks it and lets it drop.

"You could come over here and shove your cock in my mouth."

"After that will you shove yours in my ass?"

"My pleasure."

"Mine, too."

Glenn

Our last night we stop in Vegas and get our names tattooed in Korean on each other's chest. Daryl tells me he felt like he was proposing when he asked me to move to California with him. I felt that way, too. And if that was the proposal, this trip is the honeymoon.

The real estate team has done its work and the questionnaire must have helped because we look at 20 properties in a week and none of them are impossible. We narrow it to four and look at those seriously although one already stands out for both of us. The deal is quickly made and we have a contemporary Craftsman that we couldn't have afforded by ourselves, maybe ever. Daryl and I both know this house is an apology from my parents for their behavior the last few years. They can't say the words and truthfully, I'd rather have the house. It's bigger than we need and the lot is a decent size but it's a good deal in this economy even in L.A. It's the middle house on a three-house circle so it's as isolated as it's possible to be without gating.

On one side are Dale and Andrea and their daughter, Amy. Dale is 64, a recently retired car salesman although with the high-end autos he sold he's probably called a vehicle vendor or something like that. He was a widower without children when he met Andrea who is 25 years younger. But she's not a trophy wife. She's an entertainment lawyer and one of her clients lives on the other side of us. Theodore 'T-Dog' Douglas was a rapper with some success a few years back and even more smarts. He didn't burn through his earnings and he didn't get cheated by his agent or accountant, maybe because Andrea was his lawyer. He lives with Jacqui and stays home with their son, James. Jacqui is fairly important in the city planning department.

Daryl

"You're using our group for neighbors? Even the dead ones?"

"I thought you'd be more comfortable with people you could relate to."

"I think you didn't want to make up new names and people."

"I can do that. Do you want to live among strangers?"

"No," you say grudgingly. "But what about the rest of them?"

"Just wait. I have plans for everyone."

Glenn

While Daryl is in Montana I think about what I'm going to do. I don't want to deliver pizza in L.A. I miss Scooter's a little but it was time to move on and I had been thinking about it for awhile before we left Georgia. I've got memories of the people and the work, enough to write a book. A lot of funny and crazy stuff happens when you deliver pizza. And that gives me an idea for a screenplay. So many people in L.A. are in the business one way or another. Why not me?

When the house is put together I start writing seriously. They say you should write what you know. Maybe that's why it goes so well. I think it's pretty good. I let Daryl read it and he laughs where I hope people will. When he's finished Daryl says he wants to screw a screenwriter. I tell him I won't feel like a real screenwriter until I sell it. He says he's not waiting. We're already in bed so I'm screwed. Literally.

Daryl

You pull into the garage and go through to the house. Glenn is in his office and doesn't look up from the keyboard, just says he'll be finished in a few minutes. You don't mind. You're glad he found something he's interested in because you felt a little guilty asking him to move out here when you had a job and he didn't. You start dinner and 15 minutes later look in again.

This time he sets his laptop aside, tips his head back and smiles. You lean over the back of the sofa and kiss him upside down. He pulls at your shirt so you roll over and land beside him and make out for awhile until it reaches the point where you'll have to stop now or you won't be able to. Easy decision. Dinner is on a slow simmer but you and Glenn are on fast boil.

You and Glenn are going to Merle's wedding. Glenn asks if there will be women at the party afterward that you fucked.

"Probably a few. I'm sorry. We can skip it."

"Hell, no. How many, do you think?"

"Three or four."

"That's all? What about the other 20?"

"Everybody I ever fucked is not invited to Merle's wedding reception. Some of them didn't know about Merle."

"You never mentioned you had a brother?"

"A couple of them I didn't even tell my name."

"Do you know why that doesn't disgust me like it should?"

You think about it for a minute. "Because you did what those women couldn't. You got me."

Glenn

We meet Penny's family. Parents Rick and Lori, younger brother Carl, older sister Carol and niece Sophia. Carol is the other witness. She was divorced and now her ex, Ed, is dead. No one seems to miss him. Carol arrives with a date, a storm trooper type named Shane. Merle has grown on me but still, I have to wonder about these women's taste in men. I got the best of the bunch and I don't have tits and a pussy. Although Daryl likes my nipples and ass.

I had told Merle he'd get a good wedding present if he invited my parents so he did. He looks around like he can't believe he and Daryl are outnumbered by Koreans at his own wedding.

At the party afterward where most people know Daryl, Merle's introduction is unique. "You remember Daryl. I guess this is my brother-in-law Glenn. They're gay. I don't wanna talk about it."

Merle might be smarter than I think. He acknowledges the relationship and gets it out in the open before anyone else can make a comment, at the same time making it clear that he can barely tolerate the situation. He usually follows up with a reminder that Daryl is doing stunt work in California and what else could be expected when you move to La La Land.

Daryl

A slightly drunk Roy Miller comes up to you. "It was my sister, wasn't it? I bet Ellie turned you gay."

You fucked Ellie a few times a couple of years ago and haven't seen her since but the memory makes you think she might actually have had something to do with it. But you tell Roy, "That wasn't it."

"You can admit it, Daryl. Wasn't the first time and probably won't be the last."

You can't pass this up. "What do you mean?"

"Steve Henderson."

Steve was three years behind you in school, the same age as Ellie. He moved to Fort Lauderdale after he graduated and you heard he was queer. But you didn't know he tried Roy's sister before he left. Ellie must be feeling a little paranoid.

Glenn

Daryl and I go to the caretaker's cottage when we finish in the garden. It's the last one and we're looking it over and thinking about moving in. We've been at Stonehill for three weeks and I know the others are picking cottages as well. There's plenty of privacy in the main building but not like having your own enclosed space. We haven't had that since before the ZA unless you count tents. Which I don't.

We end up in the bedroom so why not try the bed? And that leads to an amazing afternoon. I'm not sure why it seems that way because we don't do anything out of the ordinary. In fact, it's very vanilla. No anal, no blowjobs, just face to face frot. I have to believe it's the players not the play. Everything came together, including us, to create a perfect sexual experience.

Although I admit that a mutual hand job in our tent at dawn was satisfying in its own way.


	30. Parenthood

Daryl

You and Glenn moved to the caretaker's cottage a couple of weeks ago. The others call it 'The Outpost' because it's farthest from the main building and nobody has moved into the other cottages yet. They probably would have but Lori went into labor and everybody wanted to be on hand to help or cry or something. You were told the childbirth wasn't too bad and you're glad Lori and daughter Judith are okay but it's baby central over there and there's peace and quiet here. Well, after you and Glenn finish your business.

You ask him what's going on in California.

Glenn

Daryl's family flies out to L.A. Merle and Penny stay a few days then go home, leaving Marcy and Mason for a visit. They're seven and it's their first time away from home except sleepovers with friends. Daryl and I are a little nervous. We love the twins but they can be a handful and I hope we're up to the responsibility of taking care of them for four days.

Daryl

"Wait a minute. You said I was going too fast and you just skipped seven years."

"It was more of the same so I thought we should try taking care of Merle's kids."

"You're doing this because I wasn't hanging all over Lori and the baby. I'm not a baby person."

"That's why I skipped seven years. You're not so bad with kids. Probably has to do with being in the same stage of emotional development."

"You said I had evolved."

"You have. From five to seven."

Glenn

We go out to eat the first night at a Hollywood place that caters to celebrities and their children. There are some famous faces and a few people that Daryl and I know. I'm driving so Daryl orders beer. The twins are usually well-behaved but freedom from their parents has them kicking each other under the table so we change seats in the booth to separate them.

Daryl exerts his authority as an uncle by saying, "We don't have to eat here. We can go to a drive-thru." The twins don't want to do anything they can do at home so it's a good threat.

"Do they have beer at the drive-thru?" Marcy asks with sweet innocence.

Daryl is silent.

"I think we're staying," Mason says.

Daryl drinks his beer. He's avoiding me because he thinks I'm going to smirk about him being out-maneuvered by two seven-year olds. He finally looks at me and glares. I don't smirk. Instead I deliberately run my tongue over my lips, a promise of things to come. He smiles.

Valerie Hastings stops at our booth. "Daryl, Glenn. Family night?"

"My brother's kids are visiting from Georgia," Daryl tells her. I can tell he's proud to introduce them. "Marcy and Mason, this is Valerie, my agent."

"Hi," Val says warmly. "How old are you?"

"Seven."

"Both of you?"

"We're twins."

Her eyes gleam at the thought of bright, cute, seven-year old twins, a boy and a girl. She'll want to sign them. Daryl will have a voicemail soon offering them a commercial or asking for a screen test so she can shop them around.

When we get home it's bath time and then bedtime for the twins. When Daryl and I go to bed I deliver on my unspoken promise but it's not a complete success. We're listening for the twins and that's distracting so we don't take as much time as we normally would. Still, there's no such thing as bad sex between us.

Daryl

The twins have been asleep for two hours. Glenn is spooning you and you can tell from his breathing that he's asleep, too. You relax and drop off ...

"Uncle Daryl."

Marcy's voice. Gotta wake up. "Mmm?"

"I don't feel good."

You rub a hand over your face and glance at the clock. You've been out for 20 minutes. Nowhere near REM sleep.

"Did you throw up?"

"No."

"Think you might?"

"Maybe."

"Want some Pepto Bismol?"

Marcy screws up her face. "It makes me throw up."

That's been your own experience as well. "Want a bowl by your bed?"

She hesitates and you know she's not really sick. Probably a little homesick and missing her folks. You offer so she doesn't have to ask. "Wanna stay here until you feel better?"

She nods and you start to move over but she asks if she can be between you and Glenn.

"Sure." You pull the covers back and Marcy climbs over, almost kicking you in the nuts on the way. You and Glenn are wearing tee shirts and sleep pants to bed while the kids are here in case of night visits like this.

Glenn makes room for her. "Hey, sweetie. Want me to rub your tummy?"

Marcy nods and rolls on her back. A few minutes later you are almost asleep again ...

"I want to sleep here, too." Mason crawls up from the foot of the bed and slithers under the covers beside you. He flops on his stomach and asks you to rub his back. There's enough light to see Glenn smiling across the kids between you. He stretches out his free arm and so do you. You fall asleep with your hands touching.

The kids wake up early and scramble out of bed to their bathrooms. You and Glenn kiss good morning. You'd like to do more but there's no time because the twins need to be fed. You stumble to the kitchen and ask what they want for breakfast.

"Waffles!"

You look at Glenn. "Do we have any?"

He gets a mix from the pantry and hands it to you.

"What about frozen?

"We don't have them."

"I'll go to the store."

"Recipe is on the box, Daryl. It's easy." Glenn takes the kids out to pick oranges.

"Do we have a waffle iron?" you yell after him.

"Middle cupboard, top shelf."

Glenn comes back in and sets the table, keeping an eye on the twins who are still collecting oranges. Then he takes a package of turkey sausage from the freezer.

"No," you tell him firmly.

He puts it back and pulls out tofu sausage.

"Fuck, no. Where did that shit come from? I want real meat."

He laughs and gets out the Jimmy Dean. The kids come in, each with a basket of oranges. You look at Glenn.

"You know, they sell juice in bottles. It's going to take forever to squeeze those."

Glenn gets out a juicer and cuts the oranges in half and the kids have a great time making fresh juice. In five minutes.

"Where the hell did all these appliances come from? I thought we had a coffeemaker and a toaster."

"Were they wedding presents?" Marcy asks.

"We're not married," you tell her.

"Daddy thinks you are."

You'll probably regret it but you can't help asking, "What did he say?"

"He told Mama you were lucky to have a wife like Glenn."

That sounds like your brother.

"But Mama said Glenn's not your wife and then Daddy said bad words."

You'll definitely regret it but you have to know. "You can tell me the bad words just this once, okay?"

Mason takes over. Permission to use bad words is an opportunity not to be missed. "When Mama said Glenn wasn't your wife, Daddy said if it sucks like a duck and fucks like a duck."

Glenn bursts out laughing. He was never very offended by Merle being Merle and over the years he's gotten more amused.

Marcy jumps in again. "Mama said Daddy meant walks and talks like a duck."

Time to call a halt. "That's enough. Let's eat."

Breakfast is good. Every so often Glenn catches your eye and mouths 'Quack, quack.' You have to stop thinking about sucking and fucking.

The kids help clean up the kitchen. You and Glenn look at each other with satisfaction. Why does everyone say that raising children is so hard? Family life is fun and this parenting thing is no big deal.

Then Mason stabs himself with a knife and you all head to the hospital.

Glenn

In the 30 seconds that Daryl and I weren't paying attention Mason finds a knife and suddenly blood is running down his arm. Daryl grabs the knife away and raises Mason's arm to slow the bleeding. The cut is on his hand so I tie a towel around his forearm as a tourniquet, wet another towel to wipe away the blood and wrap his hand up. Marcy is crying. Mason just looks surprised at first but then it starts to hurt and he sniffles a little. Daryl carries Mason and I carry Marcy. We get in my car and go to the emergency room, all of us still in pajamas.

Daryl takes Mason into the cubicle with the doctor. Marcy goes along because they're twins and they have to be together. I fill out the paperwork. When I'm finished I stay with the twins so Daryl can go out and use his phone. I'm glad I don't have to make that call.

Daryl

You call Merle to give him the news. "Don't freak out because he's gonna be all right but I gotta tell you that Mason cut his hand."

"Was he playing with knives?" Merle sounds calm.

"Yeah. I wasn't watching close enough."

"I forgot to tell you he started that since he saw a knife act at the circus last month. Lemme talk to him. I'll give him hell."

"He's with the doctor."

"Doctor? How bad is it?"

"It's not bad but I wanted to make sure he didn't cut a nerve or a tendon so we came to the ER."

"Antiseptic and a band-aid. That's your emergency treatment right there."

"He's getting stitches. A plastic surgeon is sewing him up."

"Plastic surgeon! How bad did he carve himself up?"

"It's only a couple of inches but I didn't want him to have a scar."

"The little shit deserves to be scarred. He's okay?"

"He's fine. Marcy cried more than he did."

"Don't let him throw knives at her."

"What the fuck?"

"She's part of the act. Mase tied her spread eagle to a wagon wheel. He had her spinning but we caught him before he threw the knives."

"Come out here and get your kids! Right now!"

Merle laughs. "You bring 'em home in three days."

"I'll pay for the ticket."

"Relax. Shit like this happens."

"I could be up on charges for child endangerment."

"Whiner. Penny's out to the mall. We'll call later."

Glenn is appalled when you tell him about the conversation with Merle. The two of you got cocky. You were only playing at being parents but Merle and Penny are the real thing. They've put up with seven years of sleepless nights and tantrums and childhood diseases and everything else that goes with kids. Why the hell do so many gay and lesbian couples want children? You and Glenn never did. Looking after Merle and Penny's spawn for a few days is more than enough for you.

The twins are subdued for the rest of the day, especially Mason after a talk with his father. But the rest of the visit goes well. You take them to Griffith Park for the observatory and a pony ride. The next day it's the tar pits and Pink's Hot Dogs. The kids sleep in their own beds until the last night when they come back in with you and Glenn. They're excited about flying home. You and Glenn are exhausted. You're looking forward to four hours in the air flying first class so you can sleep while the flight attendants take care of the twins.

You don't just sleep the flight away. You and Glenn take the opportunity for alone time in the bathroom. It's not the first or second time you've done this. You joined the mile high club on your first flight together eight years ago.

Merle and Penny are waiting at ATL. Merle is tall and larger than life and the kids run to him first. He scoops one up in each arm. But then they want their mother and the three of them head for the main concourse leaving Merle to walk between you and Glenn. He squeezes your shoulders and asks, "You boys gettin' any?"

You tell him the john on the plane was your first time in four days.

"Thought you looked more relaxed than I expected but I figured you drank your way across the country."

"That was after the sex," Glenn says.

"My little brother doing right by you?" Merle asks.

"He's not so little," Glenn replies. "And, yes, I'm satisfied. And no Viagra is needed. Can you say the same?"

"Yep. But not as often as I used to."

Glenn and Merle talk about sex more than you and Glenn do.

Glenn's parents sent their chauffeur with the limo. He waits while you say goodbye to Merle and the twins. Penny goes to get the minivan.

"You drive a minivan?" You can't believe your brother has sunk so low.

"I ride in it when I can't avoid it but I don't drive it."

"Yes, you did, Daddy. To soccer practice when Mama couldn't go."

Merle glares at his daughter. Glenn laughs. You don't because you're standing within Merle's reach.

It's a half hour drive to the Rhee estate so you and Glenn fool around in the limo and at some point it seems like a good idea to arrive relaxed instead of frustrated. You finish before the limo heads up the curving drive and are able to greet Mom and Pop and have a drink and visit before dinner. Later in Glenn's suite which has become yours as well you're still hungry for each other and since there will be no interruption from the twins, you resume your previous activities. But you don't turn your phones off and five minutes later Marcy calls you and Mason calls Glenn. They thank you for letting them stay with you and say they had a nice time. You know Merle is responsible. He gets on the phone long enough to say you shouldn't have answered if you were in the middle of something. He's right. Lesson learned.

Glenn

"I think you are good with kids. You treat them like small adults and they like that."

"Just don't leave me alone with Judy. An adult that small scares me."


	31. California

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Non-ZA scenes that I didn't work into the storyline.

Glenn

I'm flying to Atlanta after visiting Daryl on location. He's playing cowboy in Africa and there's a week left on the shoot. I'll stay with my parents and see Merle, Penny and the twins. Daryl and I can fly home to California together when he gets back. My parents are waiting for me and at first I think it's a nice surprise that they came to meet me instead of sending the limo but Merle is there, too, and everyone looks serious.

I drop my bag without noticing and ask, "Is he alive?"

He is, so that's something to hang onto. Mom and Dad take my arms and Merle takes my bag and we find a place to sit. The details aren't clear yet but a line slipped or a strap broke and half of Daryl didn't land on that big cushion thing. He's been in and out of consciousness so they haven't been able to question him about sensation below the waist. He was flown to Germany because there's a specialist in spinal trauma there. My parents have already booked my flight. It leaves in a few hours. Mom was coming with me but Merle said he was going so she's staying in Atlanta to keep in touch with the hospital.

I don't want to expect the worst but I have to consider it because if Daryl is permanently paralyzed, he won't live that way. Sex is a factor but not the most important one. Just the daily dependence on someone, even me, maybe especially me, is what Daryl couldn't handle.

It's 2 in the morning when we get to the hospital. By now there have been tests and a CT scan and an MRI and the results are optimistic. Daryl is asleep but we can stay in his room. I tell Merle to take the sofa and I take the chair by the bed.

Daryl

You wake up feeling better but you're still a little fuzzy from pain meds and something to help you sleep. Someone must be taking your pulse because there's a hand around yours. No, it's a familiar touch. Glenn.

"Hey, kid," you say before your eyes are even open.

Glenn

I lean over to kiss his temple and whisper, "Baby."

Daryl and I don't use pet names with each other or call our cocks something cute but 'Kid' and 'Baby' have developed over time. Daryl called me 'Kid' when we first met. I didn't mind. I know I looked younger than I was although not jailbait young. I still do. He doesn't think of me as a kid but the name kind of stuck. Once when I was in a mood I called him 'Baby' in return. I thought he'd explode but he didn't. He just looked at me for a few seconds and then said, "Never in public." I'm not sure if he lets me get away with it because I let him call me 'Kid' or if he doesn't hate being called 'Baby' as much as he thinks he should. I don't use it often but now seemed like the time.

"That's what I'm gonna be for a while. Helpless as a baby."

"The doctor said you should make a full recovery. With some rehab therapy."

"Yeah, they said I was lucky."

"I want to hear from you how you feel."

"Want me to wiggle my toes to prove I'm not paralyzed?"

"I don't care about your toes. Wiggle something else."

"I knew you were only with me for the sex. The day my dick is dead you'll be gone."

"No, I won't. We live in L.A. I'll make your appointment for a penile implant."

"Jesus Christ, should I leave so you can have the room to yourselves?"

"What the fuck!" Daryl didn't know anyone else was in the room.

"Forgot to tell you Merle is here," I inform him.

"Am I dying?" Daryl demands.

"Naw, but I don't trust these krauts to take care of you so I came along. I didn't think even you two would be sexing it up a minute after you come out of a coma."

"I wasn't in a coma."

"Whatever. Do all homos worry so much about humping?"

Merle is being offensive as ever but his eyes are sharp as he looks his brother over. He seems satisfied.

"Sorry you got dragged away from Penny and the kids," Daryl says.

"I'm grateful," Merle tells him. "The terrible twos times two. It's ugly at home."

"So you left Penny to deal with it alone."

"She was glad to get rid of me for awhile. Been sayin' shit like she can handle two kids but not three."

* * *

Daryl

You're on location outside L.A. waiting to set up for the next sequence when a voice says, "Hey, Daryl."

It's Mia, a stunt double you don't know very well. It's the first time you've worked with her and she's doing a good job but one week isn't enough time to form an opinion. It is enough time for a first impression which is that she gives off a weird vibe but Glenn tells you not to rush to judgment so you're neutral for now. You upnod and say, "Hey, Mia."

She sits down. You have the shooting script and director notes and are obviously looking them over and there are several other chairs but she sits beside you.

"We should get a drink sometime."

"Sure," you say pleasantly. "Stunt crew gets together every couple of weeks."

"I was thinking of something more private."

"Just so you know, I'm not hetero." Putting it that way makes a change from saying you're gay.

"I know."

So why does she want to have a private meet? "If you want to talk about the shoot, I've got time now."

"I'm not interested in talking shop unless it's part of your personal history."

"I'm with someone." Time to let her know flat out that you aren't available.

"Yes, I heard. Glenn."

"So why do you think the two of us getting together would be a good idea?"

"You might change your mind. Find out what you're missing."

"I know what I'm missing but the thing is I don't miss it so I won't be changing my mind." You're tired of Mia and your first impression is now confirmed.

"Loyal and faithful like man's best friend. Are you sure Glenn is the same?"

She just went too far. You're silent for a moment because you've learned to control your temper. Then you say quietly but forcefully, "Never mention his name again. Never talk to me unless the job requires it. Do you understand?"

She nods. She doesn't look scared but she looks a little nervous. You hope she's remembering that you're a seasoned member of the team and she's not.

Unbelievable. When this started you gave her the benefit of the doubt, assuming she didn't know your circumstances. But she was clearly making a pass. It happens occasionally to both you and Glenn. You aren't comfortable with the idea but you know you aren't unattractive to some women and a few men. You're also aware that it's an occupational hazard and not to be taken too seriously. It's not easy for star fuckers to get close to the actors so sometimes they make do with stunt doubles. Since Glenn's screenplay got made into a fairly successful movie, he's got groupies hoping to inspire him to write a part for them. It's not like bodies are littering your path begging to be fucked but you're experienced enough now to decline without hard feelings. But this is different. It's not even about you. This is a woman who needs to win over anyone she sets her sights on. You wish Glenn was here. With his psych degree he could 'explore her pathology' or something. He's writing a psychological thriller and you've picked up some jargon.

You're relieved a few minutes later when the director stops the location shoot and you're free to go. At home Glenn is by the pool. His laptop is on the table under the umbrella and his clothes are draped over a chair. He's lying on his stomach on a lounger with a towel across his ass and he's surprised to see you two hours earlier than expected.

"Hey, stuntman, see anything you like?"

You look him over leisurely. "Maybe under the towel."

You explain the light changed so the rest of the shoot moved to the set. Back on location tomorrow. Then you tell him you got hit on.

"Male or female?"

"Female."

"She didn't know you're not a straight arrow when it comes to sex?"

"Yeah, she knew. And she knew about you." You tell him what happened.

Glenn is pissed. Neither of you mind someone making a move and you tell each other when it happens. It's usually good for a laugh. But that's not the case this time.

"Do I need to settle things with this bitch? If you've got her address I'll do it now and be home for dinner."

"I think she got the message. But you can protect me if she tries again."

"Were you tempted?" Glenn is smiling, sure that he knows the answer.

"Yeah," you say and you watch his eyes widen for a second before you add, "Tempted to suddenly get sick so I could come home and fuck you."

"And then you got off early anyway."

"I left work but I didn't get off. Yet."

"So why are we still talking?"

You help him roll over and then you reach under the towel.

When it's your turn you don't undress or even push down your pants. You just unzip and pull your dick out of your underwear. "This is all you get," you tell Glenn.

He lowers his mouth and just barely closes it over the head of your cock. "Then this is all you get."

Fuck. You're in no position to argue because as much as Glenn likes your cock, you want his mouth on it more than he does right now. You've never scrambled out of your clothes so fast.

Afterward he lies against you and you're glad you're naked so you can feel him all down the length of your body. Every angle and crease is a place where part of him fits. His head where your neck and shoulder join, his cock where your hip and thigh meet.

* * *

Daryl

Marcy and Mason moved in two weeks after they graduated. You and Glenn flew to Georgia for commencement and to finalize arrangements because this has been in the works for two years. The twins have been spending longer with you each summer as they've gotten older. The last two years they've had summer jobs in L.A. They want to be in the business, of course. They were in a few commercials when they were younger and have each had a couple of small roles in film and on TV. You've got the space for them to each have their own room and it's better if they're under your roof for awhile instead of living on their own. They wait tables part-time in an upscale place that you wouldn't normally eat at very often but you and Glenn go there every week when one of them is working and leave a big tip.

A month after they arrive, you and Glenn are in bed one night. You're definitely in the moment but haven't reached the point of no return yet which is fortunate because you would have been even more pissed when there's a knock at the door and Marcy says, "Daryl? Glenn?" Her voice is soft and hesitant because it's midnight and the twins think you're old enough to be asleep for hours by now.

You both freeze. Glenn gasps and you groan and you break apart and pull the covers up and say, "Yeah, c'mon in."

Marcy opens the door and says, "I'm sorry, but Mase didn't think it should wait until morning." She sees you and catches on. "Oh god, you were having sex! I should have known you still do it. Mom and Dad do and they're older than you guys."

Mason pushes past her. "Sorry, D & G, I feel for you. But this looks bad. Show 'em, Marce."

Marcy pulls her shirt up and her pants down and you see the glint of a belly ring buried in puffy flesh with red streaks running across her abdomen.

"Blood poisoning," Glenn says.

"Fuck, yes," you say. "How long has it been this way?"

"It looked infected this morning," Mason says.

"But the red streaks only started this afternoon," Marcy adds.

"Get out," you tell them. "I gotta get dressed. We're going to the ER."

You tell Glenn he doesn't have to come along but he says he wouldn't miss it. This will be your third trip with the twins in 10 years.

"Besides," he says, "I don't want to stay here and finish without you."

* * *

Daryl

Ten years ago you started coordinating stunts and choreographing action sequences and now you haven't done the more complex stunts for several years. You still do simpler stunts but you're realistic about your age and ability. Anyone in your business who fools himself into thinking he's as good as ever and as fast as always is dangerous to himself and the whole crew. You're in great shape but you know your body isn't as flexible and your reflexes are slightly slower. Maybe you would have resented the inevitable decline if work was all you had. You enjoy the work and you like your life but it's Glenn that you love. He makes everything else worth more.

Tonight you and Glenn are going to  _Helix_  where the twins are on the wait staff. It's the kind of place where dressing for dinner is required. You grumble about it on principle but you don't really mind, not because you secretly enjoy dressing up but because you really like undressing. Peeling Glenn out of a suit is satisfying in a whole different way from stripping him of jeans and tee shirt or khakis and a polo. Glenn feels the same. On these occasions you don't watch each other dress because part of the experience is the underwear surprise. Glenn wore a Speedo once and when you discovered it you carried him to the pool, dropped him in and followed him. It seemed like the best place to remove it.

Marcy is your waiter this evening. Mason is working too but he's in another section. You always leave a big tip and they share it. It's a way to supplement their income and you and Glenn are fond enough of the little shits to want to do that. This joint has a sommelier because they're snooty about wine. You order a very good bottle to show you're not cheap and to get Glenn drunk. Not really. He holds his liquor better than he used to and you don't want him unresponsive later anyway.

Glenn is wearing loafers. He slips one off and lifts his foot between your legs and pokes your cock while you're ordering.

"Uhh ..." You stop talking for a second and try to remember what you're hungry for. Besides Glenn. He smiles. Marcy rolls her eyes and tells you to keep it clean on her shift. You finish ordering and she turns to Glenn with a polite expression and too sweet tone of voice.

"And what will you have this evening, sir? Uncle Daryl to start with or are you saving him for dessert?"

You aren't just eating or having a meal, you are dining. It's overpriced but you don't mind spending money if you feel you got value. Well, you're having a good time and so is Glenn and later will be even better.

You drive because Glenn is a little loose and humming 'Georgia on My Mind.' At home you take off each other's jackets and unbutton your shirts. You pull off Glenn's shirt and open his pants and smile at the memory. He's in cheap navy cotton briefs like he was wearing the first night you spent together 20 years ago.

"I knew I was in trouble when I woke up hard and wrapped around you. I pretended I was asleep so I could rub against you just once. I thought it was the only chance I'd have."

"And then you jerked off in the bathroom. If I hadn't freaked out wondering if I was gay I would have joined you and we could have fucked two weeks sooner than we did."

Glenn sits on the bed. "Show me what you've got."

You turn around and take your pants off. The tail of your shirt hides your ass until you shrug it off and Glenn sees it bare. "Did you go commando?"

"Not quite." You're a little embarrassed now. You turn around and Glenn's eyes widen. He appears to be delighted at the sight of you in a cock sock. "Where did you get that?"

"I lifted it from the set."

"Do those things come in sizes? Because that must be an extra large."

Glenn reaches for you and begins pumping your cock still in the sock. Pretty soon you need to sit down or fall down. He turns you around without missing a beat and pulls you down to sit between his legs. He doesn't seem interested in a mutual jack off although you can feel him hard against your back. You're caught up in the rhythm of Glenn's fist around your dick. His other hand squeezes your balls in syncopation. Why the fuck are you thinking of musical metaphors about sex? What happened to sports? You lean against Glenn as you come and then you both fall back to the bed.

A minute later you feel him thrusting against you. You're going to roll over so you can touch him but his arms around you prevent it. You turn your head side to side against his chest so your hair brushes his nipples. His hips buck beneath you. You reach up to pinch his nipples, twisting a little. He moans and warm wetness spreads across your back. You roll to the side and pull him over to face you.

He whispers, "Happy anniversary, baby."

"You, too, kid."

* * *

Daryl

It's time to be honest so you tell Glenn, "I don't really like the taste."

"You never said anything before."

"Didn't want to hurt your feelings."

"What don't you like?"

"It's kind of sour."

"There's not that much. A couple of swallows and it's gone."

"Is it really going to help?"

"Studies show that it prevents prostate problems and increases good cholesterol."

"There are drugs for that."

"Sure, but you're the one who doesn't want to go to the doctor or take pills. So drink the damned unsweetened cranberry juice."

* * *

A/N: Yeah, I know what you were thinking instead of cranberry juice.


	32. Nomination

Glenn

We're wearing pajamas and socks in bed because the weather turned really cold earlier than usual this first year at Stonehill. It's only the end of October and Daryl is peevish because even though he complains about the heat, he's used to it and he'd rather be hot than cold. I decide to warm him up in the usual way but he pushes my hand away when I make my move.

"It's too cold to fuck."

I stare at him because he's never used those words before.

He goes on. "You want an icicle up your ass? Because that's all I've got for you."

I know what the problem is. He's resentful because it takes a day or two for his body to adjust when the season changes and he isn't used to feeling out of synch with nature.

"You know where it would be warmer?" I ask. "Southern California."

There's been little time for our non-ZA fantasy life lately. We've been at Stonehill twice as long as at Prentiss Produce and our group is being proactive instead of reactive. Everyone pitched in on the garden and a lot of fruits and vegetables have been canned so we could get ahead of the hunger curve. So many animals died from lack of care or the walkers but we've managed to rustle up a small herd of cows, some pigs and a flock of chickens. For the first time since the outbreak we're in good shape and if winter is settling in already, at least there'll be time to catch up.

Daryl must be thinking the same thing because he smiles and says, "We haven't been there for awhile."

Glenn

My screenplay based on pizza delivery at Scooter's, with names changed to disguise the guilty, was made into a fairly successful movie. It was mostly a comedy but with a little romance and drama. I got ambitious and followed up with a psychological thriller that didn't sell. Daryl felt bad for me but I know it wasn't very good. I wasn't good enough yet. So I spent a year writing for TV and then wrote another screenplay that was pretty well-received. I dug out the thriller and rewrote it and it became a hot property. Big director, some famous names in front of the camera and a lot of top people behind it.

Daryl

Glenn's phone rings early. It's his agent with the news that he got a nomination for best original screenplay. You were kind of expecting it but these things are never certain and he's stunned that it really happened.

"From now on, 'Academy Award Nominee' will be in front of your name," I tell him. "Until March. Then it will be 'Academy Award Winner'."

He grins but shakes his head. "I won't win."

"We'll see."

"In my case it really is an honor just to be nominated. I honestly don't think I'll win."

"Well, hell. Guess I'll have to settle for fucking a nominee instead of a winner."

His phone rings again. It's Penny calling from Georgia to say congratulations so he puts her on speakerphone.

"What are you doing to celebrate?" she asks.

Merle's voice comes through. "He's doing Daryl of course. That's how those two roll."

"Ignore him," Penny says. "Do you have any plans yet?"

"Well," Glenn replies. "Actually, what Merle said."

Daryl

It's possible that you're prouder of Glenn's Oscar nod for best original screenplay than he is himself. It's a fucking academy award nomination! Sure, they're political sometimes but usually for performances, director and picture. This is for writing and Glenn is damn good at it. He says he doesn't have a chance because he's fourth or fifth of the five and he didn't get nominated for a Golden Globe. You'd like to think he's wrong but he usually reads this stuff right. But you can't help hoping there will be some crazy split in the voting and he'll get it. You can see his face when that envelope is opened and his name is read ... Oh, fuck.

Your excitement lessens as you realize you're going to have to put on a tux and go to the show.

Glenn

Daryl and I are at the Academy Awards for the first time even though we've lived in L.A. for 10 years. Daryl hasn't even complained about the tuxedo. He looks terrific. I look pretty good, too.

There are a lot of awards to get through before original screenplay and more after that but it doesn't seem as boring as watching at home. Yes, I'm a little giddy and star struck. I know I won't win but it's a big deal just being here.

Norman Reedus and Sean Patrick Flanery are presenting for visual effects. It's a riff on their Boondock Saints movies and it's not nearly as lame as some of the stuff the presenters have to do. I'm studying Reedus. I've never met him but Daryl doubled for him in a role last year and they got to know each other a little. People say they look alike but I don't really see it except body type. They're about the same age, height, weight, build. When you see them face to face they don't look alike although their faces have a similar shape and their eyes are the same color. Daryl's hair is a shade or two lighter and Reedus's features are a little more polished. Personally I like the rougher look.

Daryl

Reedus and Flanery are presenting an award and they have to do the usual shit scripted for them by the show runners. Flanery has rope. It's pretty funny. You never understood Murphy's dislike for Connor's rope. Rope is useful. But finally it's time for best original screenplay. Everything before and after is filler as far as you're concerned. With actors and actresses, the one from the year before presents to the opposite sex the following year but screenplay presenters can be just about anyone. You don't know the guy but Glenn does so he must be a big noise in the writing world. Has he been nominated for an Oscar? You'll ask later.

No use dragging it out. Glenn didn't get it. You're both smiling and clapping for the winner because who knows when the camera will point in your direction and you don't want to be doing or saying something that makes you look like a sore loser. Even though you are. Glenn looks relieved that it's over. You really wanted this for him. He didn't expect to win but you hope he's not too disappointed.

He leans over and whispers, "Maybe next time." You feel better because he looks and sounds okay with it and what the hell, it is his first nomination so there's plenty of time. "Maybe later," you reply and he laughs and gets that look in his eye.

Glenn

The show is over and I'm meeting and greeting while Daryl visits the men's room. When I look around he's standing with his back to me. He's got his hands in his pockets which spoils the line of the tux but outlines his ass very nicely.

I go up to him and whisper, "Let's leave now or find a closet."

Norman Reedus turns with one brow raised and a quirk of the lips.

I'm so embarrassed that a curse slips out. "Oh, fuck."

"Yeah, I got that part."

"Sorry, I thought you were someone else."

"You're Glenn Rhee. You thought I was Daryl Dixon?"

"Well, from the back you're similar."

"So I've heard. I guess that's the point for body doubles." Reedus changes the subject. "Sorry you didn't win. 'Horrorscope' deserved it."

"Thanks." I believe him. My script was one of those small indie things that he's known for liking. It made more noise than anyone expected but not a big enough impact for the competition this year.

"Psychological thriller?" he adds. "More like psycho thriller. You're kind of freaky."

"So I've heard." I echo his words back to him.

A man laughs and Reedus turns. Sean Patrick Flanery and Daryl are ambling toward us from the men's room.

"Which one do you want?" Reedus asks.

"Dibs on Daryl," I reply.

Introductions are made.

Reedus says to Flanery, "You've been rejected. Glenn prefers Daryl."

"What's wrong with me?" Flanery asks. "Oh, you probably think it would be weird for them to be together. Give new meaning to 'Go fuck yourself'."

Reedus just shakes his head. Flanery likes to be outrageous. We say goodbye and separate. They've got parties to attend and people to schmooze and even though I didn't win, Daryl and I have got three appearances to make. The nomination makes me a more valuable commodity. The third and final party we look in on includes a room. It seems silly to stay at an expensive hotel instead of driving home across town but that's the way things are done on Oscar night.

Daryl

The fancy hotel room has two beds and since it's 3 in the morning and you and Glenn are tired and drunk, you decide to get your money's worth by using both beds. Two hours later, refreshed by a nap, you remember that you didn't pay for the room so there's no need to get your money's worth.

"Glenn."

"Mmm?"

"You okay over there?"

"Not really."

"Wanna share?"

Glenn

By the time I take two steps to his bed Daryl has thrown the sheet back. He hasn't moved to make room so I take that as an invitation and straddle him, sitting on his thighs with my knees beside his hips. I lean forward and he pulls me against him so our mouths meet.

We don't take time for anything but basic frot, grinding together hard enough that pricks bruise bellies and we keep going after we come. Daryl rolls us over and the force of his thrusts moves me up the bed until I'm against the headboard.

Afterward Daryl is lying on his back with arms and legs spread like Vitruvian Man. His chest is still heaving. "Jesus Christ all fucking mighty. I keep coming like that, I'll be old before my time."

"Coming like that will keep you young."

"My dick disagrees."

I take a look. "I think it's a little smaller."

"It's dehydrated, that's why. It's drained dry and wrung out."

"Maybe mouth to head resuscitation would help."

"Nooo," Daryl groans. "It won't work."

And it doesn't for a couple of minutes. Then there's a stirring.

"Stop," Daryl pleads. "I don't wanna have a hard-on and coming again will kill me."

His cock slips from my mouth with a wet pop. "I just wanted to be sure there was no permanent damage."

Daryl

Ten years later Glenn is nominated again. He doesn't think he'll win this time either but admits he's probably second or third of the five. He was also nominated for a Golden Globe but didn't get it. The Globes are sometimes a predictor but not infallible. You have a feeling it might be his turn. You've seen the other movies and there's something about 'Killing the Silence' that stands out.

You're pleased to be right when his name is announced. He looks at you, astonished and delighted. Two seconds after he gets up Marcy sits down. The twins moved in last summer and this spring they are seat-fillers at the Oscars. Glenn's nominations and your 20 years in the business helped land the gig but their looks clinched it. At first glance Marcy looks about 25 but beneath the makeup, hair and dress is an 18 year old freshness that can't be faked.

Glenn is speaking. "This is ... wow ... embarrassing, because with an award for writing I should be better with words."

It gets a laugh. Oscar likes winners to be a little humble. Awkward excitement is good, too.

"This is for so much more than the words I wrote. I want to thank the cast, crew, director and producers of 'Killing the Silence' for bringing the words to life, and the Academy for recognizing that. Thanks to my agent Charles Teller for taking a chance on me 20 years ago, to my parents for their support, and to Daryl for everything."

Short and to the point. The applause sounds genuine not just polite. You figured he would mention your name and you liked hearing it but you're glad it was brief.

Glenn will be having photos and interviews backstage. There's an area for family and friends of winners so they don't get in the way and you're going to join them because as far you're concerned, the show is over. Marcy kisses your cheek and as soon as you get up Mason is there to take your place. You tell them the seats are theirs for the rest of the evening.

Glenn

A few days later the cold snap is over, hopefully for a few more weeks, and Daryl is comfortably warm again. He's in the maintenance room today. He fixed the water pump when we first arrived at Stonehill and then got familiar with the rest of the systems. When I walk in he's kneeling on the floor by the generator. We've all lost some weight since the outbreak and his pants are a little big on him. When he leans over my mouth goes dry because I'm looking at repairman butt crack. But this isn't the clichéd overweight gross repairman. This is Daryl and even with pale skin he's got a world class ass.

"I'm looking at one of the best butts in the world."

Daryl looks over his shoulder. "One of? What the fuck. Who's as good?"

"No one. I didn't want to feed your ego."

"Well, let me nominate you. Yours is 13 years younger and tighter."

"It's not as tight since I met you."

When it comes to nominations, I'd just as soon have this personal one from Daryl.


	33. PillowTalk

Glenn: What's your favorite part of my body?

Daryl: Is that a trick question?

Glenn: Nope.

Daryl: Is it a test?

Glenn: No, Daryl. I just wondered what part of my body you like the best.

Daryl: I don't see this ending well for me.

Glenn: It's only a question. No right or wrong answer.

Daryl: Should I say something like your heart or mind?

Glenn: Say whatever you feel.

Daryl: I feel like no good can come of this.

Glenn: Why?

Daryl: I don't even know if you mean the inside or outside.

Glenn: You're over thinking it, babe. But let's go with outside since I don't expect you to love my liver.

Daryl: Did you just call me 'Baby'?

Glenn: The short form, yes.

Daryl: You're not gonna say it in front of anybody, are you?

Glenn: I promise I won't. Now, quit changing the subject.

Daryl: What was the question?

Glenn: You know the question.

Daryl: I need to hear the exact words again.

Glenn: Why are you so suspicious?

Daryl: Is that the question?

Glenn: No, that's not the fucking question. This is the fucking question: What's your favorite part of my body?

Daryl: You sound kind of hostile.

Glenn: That's exasperation.

Daryl: Well, that's not my favorite part.

Glenn: Exasperation is not a part of my body.

Daryl: It depends.

Glenn: What do you mean?

Daryl: My favorite part of your body depends.

Glenn: On what?

Daryl: I have different favorites at different times.

Glenn: Explain.

Daryl: Well, your dick was my favorite 15 minutes ago.

Glenn: When you were performing fellatio on me?

Daryl: The technical term is blowjob, but yeah.

Glenn: What else?

Daryl: I really liked your mouth 10 minutes ago.

Glenn: When I was fellating you?

Daryl: It sounds dirty when you say it like that.

Glenn: Go on.

Daryl: What do you want from me? You want me to say I like to mess up your hair and watch it fall back in place? Or see your eyes first thing in the morning. Or rub my chin against your jaw. Or do things to your nipples that make you come. How about holding your ass when I'm inside you? Or feeling your legs around me. And sucking your toes.

Glenn: You mean all that?

Daryl: Yeah.

Glenn: Was that so hard?

Daryl: I guess not.

Glenn: Because you did really well.

Daryl: What do you like best about my body?

Glenn: Are you kidding? Your cock, of course.

Daryl: So I'm just a big dick to you?

Glenn: You always have been. Before I got to know you, you were a big dick to everyone. Now you're a big dick only to me.

Daryl: I see what you did there with the dick thing. Ha, ha.

Glenn: How do I love your cock? Let me count the ways. I love it to the depth it reaches in my ass and the breadth it stretches my mouth and the height of it against my belly.

Daryl: Is that a poem or something?

Glenn: I paraphrased.

Daryl: Well, I didn't think anybody wrote an ode to my dick.

Glenn: Someone certainly should. Maybe me. Because I love to feel it when you come. The only thing I like as much as your cock is the rest of the body attached to it. Drowning in your eyes, getting lost in your mouth. The wide shoulders, the big guns. Biting your butt and rubbing against your legs.

Daryl: Uh, could you go back to my cock?

Later ...

Glenn: What should we do with the extra room?

Daryl: Why can't we just go to sleep after sex?

Glenn: So I'm a receptacle for your semen but you don't want to talk to me?

Daryl: Okay, why do we have to do anything with the extra room? It's got a bed. It's a guest room.

Glenn: We don't get guests at Stonehill. We could use it for something else.

Daryl: It's not big enough for a pool table and there's already one in the main building anyway. What do you want, a sewing room?

Glenn: You're right. We'll find a use for it eventually. When are you going hunting?

Daryl: Day after tomorrow. You coming along?

Glenn: I think I'll stay with Carl and Sophia. They worked hard on the bows and arrows and they want to go with us.

Daryl: Yeah, but they're not quite ready yet. I'll have to go a ways to get anything. Three weeks to spring. They'll be ready and the hunting will be better close to home.

Glenn: We're all tired of squirrel and rabbit. Try to bring back something interesting.


	34. Foundation

Daryl

Hard to believe you've been at Stonehill for nearly a year with so little walker activity. You and the others have come across a few when hunting or scavenging miles away but there weren't hordes and they were taken out quickly. You're hunting alone today. Carl made bows and arrows for him and Sophia and she strung the bows and fletched the arrows. They're a good team just like when they carved and painted those figures for Christmas. But they aren't ready for a long-range hunt yet and they were disappointed not to go so Glenn offered to stay and do target practice with them.

As you cross a road you spot an SUV parked to one side. Probably abandoned but you check it out and find a sad situation. You recognize old man Greene laying under a tree with a covered body a dozen yards away. You pull back the tarp and see Maggie's face and a bullet hole in her head. You feel bad because even though it wasn't a pleasant stay at Greene's farm, you wouldn't wish this on anyone. You cross to Hershel expecting to put a bolt in his brain. The old man's color is ashy and his skin looks clammy but he's not dead yet.

You touch his shoulder. "Hershel Greene."

His eyes open slowly. "Thank God. Who is it?"

"Daryl Dixon. With Rick Grimes' group at your farm last year."

"Daryl. Is Glenn alive? Is he here?"

"He's not with me but he's alive."

Tears trickle down the old man's cheeks. "I prayed for someone to come along, anyone decent. This is more than I hoped for."

You aren't sure what he means because clearly Hershel's time has nearly run out. He doesn't appear to be bit. If you were guessing you'd say he had a heart attack. But he's holding a bundle to his chest, maybe he is bit or hurt. Then the bundle moves and cries and you have a moment of clarity where the whole scene and what Hershel said makes sense so it's not a surprise when you fold back the blanket and see silky dark hair and tilted eyes and Glenn's face is looking up at you, or what you suppose Glenn's face looked like 25 years ago.

"My grandson, Garry," Hershel says. "I'm about done. You'll take the boy to his father."

It's not a question because there's only one possible answer. You nod.

Hershel fumbles a folded paper from his pocket and hands it to you. It's a birth certificate completed by Hershel after delivering his grandson. The baby cries again and Hershel pushes a bag toward you. There are diapers and formula and a couple of bottles and other baby stuff. This is where you would back off and let someone who knows what they're doing take over but pretty soon you will be all this kid has.

Hershel gasps out some instructions and you feed the baby. Then you change him and hand him back so a dying grandfather can hold his grandson. Hershel tells you what happened and you don't say he should save his breath because there's nothing to save it for and his last words are the only history you'll have to pass on.

"Don't let me drop him," Hershel says so you put an arm under the baby and a hand on Hershel's shoulder.

Ten minutes later it's over and you sit there holding Glenn's son and wondering how many times this makes in the past year and a half that you've thought the world was as fucked up as it could get.

You shoot an arrow into Hershel's head to be sure he doesn't come back and place him beneath the tarp beside his daughter. There's no shovel and no time to bury them anyway. You wrap the squirrels and birds and put them under the hood of the SUV. There's a bag each for Maggie and Hershel in the SUV but the rest is baby stuff. You empty the bag Hershel gave you and repack it, adding more diapers and formula. There's baby stuff back at Stonehill, too, for 10 month old Judy. There's a baby carrier that goes around the neck. You sling the bag over one shoulder and your crossbow over the other and head home.

Hershel said Garry was a good-natured boy and he's right so far. The baby sleeps. Maybe he likes the rhythmic rocking as you walk. You've always moved easily and quietly but you're making an effort to be as smooth as possible over rough ground. You come up the track from the back exit. Everybody is outside except Glenn and the kids. It takes them a minute to realize the bundle around your neck isn't supper.

"Where's Glenn?" you ask Rick.

"Inside with Carl and Sophia."

"I need to talk to him alone."

They seem to know this isn't the time for questions. Rick nods and goes with you. Inside, Glenn and the kids are working on the bows and arrows. Rick calls out to the kids to come with him.

Glenn looks puzzled as he asks what you got. Garry cries on cue. This kid has great timing.

Glenn looks startled. "Where did you find a baby!"

"No easy way to say this. I came across Hershel Greene. He was dying. He's gone now. Maggie passed two days ago, two months after having your baby."

Glenn's face is white and he's shaking his head. You push him into a chair and lean him over. "Slow, deep breaths. Get it together. I don't wanna slap you but I will. Shock therapy."

He smiles a little like you hoped he would. He asks, "Are you sure it's mine?"

You stare at him. Maybe you'll have to slap him after all. But you let it go because he's not thinking clearly and he hasn't seen Garry yet.

You unsling the baby and hand him to Glenn. "This isn't a Rick or Shane deal. Unless you think Maggie slept with two Koreans last year."

"Is it a boy or a girl?"

"Boy. His name is Garry with two 'r's. Like Glenn has two 'n's."

Glenn looks panicked. "Daryl, I don't know if I can be a father."

"Oh, we're way past that." You've decided tough love is the way to go. "You already are biologically on account of you were careless with your spunk. You better step up now and be the real thing because I'm not taking care of your brat without help. You already owe me for three hours babysitting. I fed him and changed him and carried him five miles."

"You know more about my son than I do."

"You'll catch up fast. Here's a tip I learned the first 30 minutes. Cover his little pecker when you change him or he'll pee on you and laugh about it."

Glenn laughs.

"I see the resemblance," you tell him. "Like father, like son."

"He's small." Glenn sounds worried.

"Well, you and Maggie aren't big. He's fine but he got switched suddenly to formula so he didn't eat much the first day. Hershel said Maggie nursed him until she got bit so he got a good start. All them nutrients and immunities Lori was talking about with Judy."

Glenn feeds Garry and changes him and you go tell everybody what happened. They come in oohing and aahing and it's baby central again but this time you don't want to opt out and disappear.

Glenn

I have a son. I am a father. How the hell did this happen? Okay, I know how. I didn't even think about protection with Maggie.

I admit my first thought after the initial shock was how this would affect Daryl and me. Is that selfish? We've been together for a year and a half and he's so important to me. I know he's uneasy around babies although Judy seems to like him and he's more comfortable as she's gotten older. He was great with Garry, better than me.

"How much does this bother you?" I ask.

"Not much."

"You're not just saying that?"

"Yeah, because I'm the type to spare people's feelings."

"But you don't like babies. You said so in our continuing saga of life if the ZA hadn't happened."

"That's just a story. I'm gonna make an exception for your kid."

"I love him already."

"That'll come in handy when he wakes up at night or throws a tantrum."

"I'd like him to have my name. It'll be less confusing when he's in school." I'm joking of course since Garry will probably be homeschooled with Judy.

"There was no middle name on that paper from Hershel. No reason he can't be Garry Greene Rhee."

Daryl

The next day you and Glenn and Rick go in your truck to get Hershel and Maggie. The SUV was out of gas so you take a couple gallons with you so it can be driven back with all the baby stuff. Glenn can hardly bring himself to leave Garry after only one night. You tell him he should stay but he refuses. You figure bringing home his son's mother and grandfather is something he needs to do.

The bodies are buried in the far corner of the property. Seems like the time to start a little cemetery instead of leaving them by the side of the road.

That night you tell Glenn that Hershel should have died within hours of his heart attack. "That old man kept going on will alone for two days, taking care of the only thing left to him. He told me he thought about whether he should take Garry with him when he went. He was worried he would lose consciousness and leave his grandson unprotected."

"What if he had done it? What if you had found them too late?" Glenn looks anguished and you wish you'd kept your mouth shut. You don't tell him if that happened he wouldn't know about it. You would have taken that secret to your grave to spare him.

You wonder if Garry will come between you and Glenn and you feel shitty for thinking about your sex life. But it's not just sex. You and Glenn are together in a way you didn't think was possible. You don't want to lose that. But Garry is part of Glenn and you want to take care of both of them. And keep fucking Garry's father. You expect the situation to change so you aren't surprised when sex is not a priority the first few days.

Tonight Garry was fussing so Glenn took him to bed early. You go in later and Garry is lying on Glenn's chest and they're both asleep. You heard that a lot of women are sexier after becoming mothers but you didn't know becoming a father could work the same way. There's an undeniable jolt watching Glenn with his son.

You're careful getting into bed. Glenn doesn't wake but Garry does. He rolls toward you so you lift him onto your chest. He settles against you for a few minutes then his face screws up and he grunts and the smell of baby poop hits your nose. You're glad it happened while you're awake so Glenn can keep sleeping. You get up and change Garry and when you turn back Glenn is awake.

"Is he asleep?"

"He will be in a minute."

"Put him in his crib."

You settle Garry and head for the bed. Glenn reaches for your cock and pulls you down beside him. He's squeezing and rubbing with a twisting motion that does it for you every time.

"Is it sick of me to get hard watching you change a diaper?" he asks.

You admit it happened to you just seeing them together.

"Suck my nipples," he says.

His eyes are closed and he's concentrating more than he ever has before.

After you both come you tell him he's not going to lactate no matter how hard you suck.

"Imagining what it would be like is enough for me. I always loved how it felt when you sucked but I never thought of it that way before."

He rolls you on your back and straddles you. He's not done yet and you aren't worried about your sex life anymore.

A week later you can hardly remember what it was like without Garry. He's a little high maintenance but he's worth the trouble. And there's plenty of help. The Outpost has two bedrooms but Garry is in with you and Glenn until he's older. You drove 20 miles to liberate a crib from a fancy baby store along with a bunch of other stuff. You can't believe the prices. Good thing there's a 100% discount going on.

One day a car comes up the road and turns into the drive. You and Glenn are in the front yard with Garry. You tell him to get inside and he takes Garry and goes without argument. Neither of you take chances with Garry. You head for the closed and locked gates, crossbow at the ready. A middle-aged man and a teenage boy get out of the car slowly with hands out and empty. They're Negroes and a thought tickles your brain just as the man says, "Is Rick Grimes here? I'm a friend of his, Morgan Jones. This is my son Duane."

They're already stripping to show they haven't been infected. They know the drill. Rick had told everybody that Morgan was a careful, intelligent man. The others are coming out to see what's going on. Rick is running with a huge smile on his face.

"Two years! I had almost given up."

"Almost," Morgan says. "But I bet you never do."

Turns out Morgan couldn't quite give up on his wife either until she decomposed enough that he couldn't let her go on like that. Then he and Duane took off, following Rick's trail and coming across other survivors along the way who all had the same tale to tell. The walkers are dying out.

Morgan and Duane stay. They're friendly and competent and Duane gets along with Carl and Sophia. Morgan is delighted with Garry and Judy. He's seen only two other babies born since the outbreak. Should we be proud that our group is reproducing like rabbits in comparison?

Garry is ready for bed, wearing his favorite Superman pajamas with feet that look like boots. The cape is a detachable blanket. He also has Spiderman underwear and Batman tee shirts, camo overalls and football sweatshirts. Best dressed kid at the apocalypse. He's zooming around the lobby of the main building like he came with batteries included. Every few minutes he stops in front of someone and says, "Up, up!" Nobody turns him down. They pick him up and swing him around and then he wants down again. Glenn says he's getting spoiled and you're the worst one. Glenn says Garry will probably cry when he outgrows the Superman pajamas that you found for him and it will be a valuable lesson for him to learn. Glenn doesn't know you've got Darth Vader pajamas in the next size stashed away.

Garry rarely pouts or pitches a fit. You don't think spoiling will be a problem. Even without walkers this world is a harder place than before. It'll be a long time before kids are indulged like they used to be.

Glenn

We're all staying at Stonehill for now. It's a nice place and we've got the garden and orchard. We've been together for so long that no one wants to leave the community. A few others have joined us. We'll check for other family and friends. Daryl wants to find out about Merle. I wonder if I'll ever know what happened to my parents.

We haven't talked about life without the ZA very often since we got Garry. It doesn't seem to matter as much because this is what we've got now. It's a good life and it's getting better.

Time was on our side after all but that didn't make waiting it out any less dangerous. And it's still not safe. Bottom line is that walkers rot, some faster than others. Feeding slows the process but it happens to all of them. And when the brain stem is gone, that's it. Maybe we'll find out who or what caused it, maybe there will be a way to stop it without waiting for decomposition. Until then, every dead person is cremated or the brain stem is destroyed before burying. The good news is that the huge number of infected at the time of the outbreak are pretty much gone now.

We don't know how much of the population remains in the U.S. or worldwide. Communication needs to be re-established, maybe a Pony Express like that Kevin Costner movie 'The Postman.' We'll come back from this eventually. We have a foundation to build on.


	35. Generation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What happened at the Greene farm from the perspectives of Otis, Maggie and Hershel.

Otis

The deer paused in a clearing. As Otis sighted on it he caught movement to the left, a figure swaying slightly with one arm outstretched. He should have been more careful and not assumed it was a walker but at the time he wanted to drop the deer with his first shot before it got startled and then the walker with the second before it had a chance to ruin the meat. He knew a bullet wouldn't stop the walker unless it was a head shot but it would slow him until Otis could get closer. Venison would be welcome at the table and the entrails would be fed to the guests in the barn. The walker would join them unless he was too far gone. Otis had stopped putting every walker he came across into the barn.

When Hershel Greene's wife and son died and Hershel decided they should be kept safe in the barn until a cure was found, Otis went along with it because he had a great respect for Hershel and it almost made sense at the time. They were freshly turned and still seemed so human, just sick or crazy, and you took care of people like that. But Hershel and the others hadn't been back to the barn to see the decomposition that was happening. Maybe there would be a cure someday but it wouldn't save these people. Otis had known for awhile that he was going to have to raise this issue with Hershel, take him to the barn to see for himself what they had become. But there was no hurry. The farm was isolated and no strangers had come among them.

Until Otis made his shots and discovered the second one had almost killed a little boy.

Maggie

It was touch and go at first but Daddy was almost as good with two-legged patients as he was with four so Carl Grimes would be all right. With the crisis past Maggie realized how narrow life had become with just family and a few friends at the farm. These new people were interesting, well, one in particular. Three days weren't enough to know if she loved Glenn but she thought it could happen. He was funny, cute and awkward in a sweet way. He was rooming with Daryl Dixon which seemed like a mismatch but it probably didn't matter to either of them since they had guard duty at different times and weren't always in the room at the same time. Dixon kept to himself. There was an edgy air about him and he didn't seem comfortable in company. But who knew what he'd gone through since the outbreak. No one was the same person they'd been before.

Whatever Glenn had gone through hadn't dimmed his optimism much and it made Maggie feel hopeful, too. He was easy to talk to and if there was something missing when they kissed, it was probably due to nerves. She sensed that he wasn't very experienced with girls. Well, she wasn't very experienced either but she was interested in learning more with Glenn.

Their first time together, which turned out to be the only time, wasn't completely satisfying but that wasn't unusual. He didn't stay afterward but she didn't mind. They'd known each other such a short time and maybe they should have waited a little longer. They would slow down and get to know each other better.

But there was no time for that because the guests in the barn got out the next morning and suddenly her family was gone except Daddy. The new people put down the walkers with efficiency. It had been hard to watch but necessary because now she and her father knew that there was no saving the infected.

The new people moved on and if there was a pang at the lost opportunity with Glenn it faded when she remembered later that Glenn and Dixon had emerged together from their room late in the morning as the massacre started. They were barely dressed but with crossbows ready. They stood back to back and circled, picking off walkers with ease, covering each other and everyone else. They were a team. And maybe something more. It wasn't irrefutable evidence but Maggie was perceptive enough to put the pieces together in retrospect.

Maggie didn't notice her first missed period. She was regular but had skipped occasionally if she was stressed about something and the recent loss certainly qualified. When she realized she had missed two cycles she went to the drugstore and rummaged around for a pregnancy test. She used it in the store's bathroom and went home to tell Hershel he was going to be a grandfather.

Maggie knew her father would be supportive but worried and she expected there might be disappointment as well. But he seemed entirely pleased at the prospect of another generation for the Greene family. A child was a new beginning. Hershel wondered if they should try and locate Glenn but Maggie said no. Rick Grimes' group might have tried for Fort Benning or maybe they returned to Prentiss Produce to see if it could be reclaimed. They could be holed up 20 miles away or 200. It was too dangerous right now. Maybe later.

Hershel knew nothing of Maggie's suspicions about Glenn and Dixon and she didn't enlighten him. It didn't matter anyway. It had been stupid of both of them not to think of protection. The timing of the pregnancy wasn't great but on the whole she was happy about it. It might be her only chance for motherhood and she had always wanted to have a family someday.

The local drugstore had a small stock of formula and diapers and the general store yielded some baby clothes and other items but they went farther afield to amass a decent supply. Maggie would breastfeed of course but backup plans were crucial when considering an infant's needs.

Maggie had been brought up around animals and had no false modesty about the process but still, she wondered if it would be weird having her father deliver her baby. Hershel told her that in the throes of labor she was unlikely to care. The pregnancy progressed without problems until the week before Maggie was due. The baby had dropped in a breech position and remained there. Hershel tried to encourage movement within the womb but he also quietly made preparations.

When Maggie's water broke on a chilly morning early in January, he attempted to turn the baby but was unsuccessful so he performed the Cesarean section he had hoped wouldn't be required. It was tricky with only one pair of hands and two patients but fortunately the baby gave a healthy cry right away and could be laid aside while Maggie was attended to. Maggie woke to the sight of her father holding her baby and learned she had a son.

The Greene's didn't have a tradition of naming children after other members of the family. When Maggie suggested naming her son for his grandfather Hershel refused, saying this boy needed a name of his own.

Garry looked almost completely like Glenn except his eyes were the same color as Maggie's and in the sun his black hair had a red tinge that echoed her auburn bob. He was an easy baby who ate and slept well. Maggie had loved him before she knew he was a boy or a girl but she was unprepared for the depth of feeling when he actually arrived. He would do fine with a mother and a grandfather. Maybe they would cross paths with Glenn again. Even if he wasn't interested in her she would like him to meet his son. Surely he would want that, too.

Maggie had fully recovered from the C-section when Garry was two months old. And then their small world fell apart for good. Returning from a foraging expedition they found that one of those inexplicable herds of walkers had overrun the farm and surrounded the house. All they could do was leave, find a place to stay for a few days and hope the herd moved on. They went to the nearby town and camped out in the apartment over the bar.

The second day Maggie left Garry with Hershel and slipped across the street to the drug store. This would be the last trip because there was almost nothing left but she wanted to take anything of value that remained. There was something new this time - a walker behind the shelves at the back - and just that quickly Maggie's fate was sealed. She pulled a shelf loose and dispatched the walker and returned to the apartment in a state of shock.

Hershel

Hershel looked up when his daughter came in. The bite on her shoulder was immediately visible.

"No," he breathed, shaking his head. "No, Maggie."

Her tears were starting. "Daddy, it's up to you now. You're all Garry has left."

More walkers were wandering into town. They headed out in the SUV. Maggie watched Garry in his car seat, drinking in the sight. She could not risk touching her son again. She wouldn't see him grow up and after all that had happened it seemed to her an inevitable conclusion. She glanced at her father and was afraid. She knew he had married late but Daddy had never seemed old until now. She had to trust that he would be there until Garry was old enough to take care of himself. Or at least until he found other survivors.

Hershel drove until Maggie felt the fever bloom. He found a spot with a stream nearby and pulled over.

"You'll know when it's time," Maggie told her father. "Don't wait too long."

When Maggie lost consciousness the next day, Hershel fired a bullet into his daughter's brain. The sound might bring walkers so he was going to bury her and leave with Garry, go back and see if the farm was safe again. But there was one more trial to be endured. As he rolled Maggie into the tarp he felt a pain in his chest that wasn't grief. It radiated down his left arm in the classic symptom of a heart attack. Garry was in his car seat in the SUV, safe for the moment.

Hershel rested and prayed and he did not die. He was weak and his vision blurred in and out. He couldn't drive in this condition and there wasn't much gas left anyway. Here at least there was water. He had some boiled bottled water for drinking and for Garry's formula but it wouldn't last long. He took care of Garry the rest of that day and they slept in the SUV that night.

Hershel was exhausted the next morning and knew he was failing. He managed to get them settled under a tree with the baby bag beside him. He drifted in and out, feeding and changing Garry, drinking a little water but no longer able to eat anything. He knew he couldn't last much longer and it was unlikely that anyone would come by this lonely stretch of road in time.

What would become of Garry? Would it be better for them to go together, Garry held in loving arms? Hershel turned his grandson to his chest and held him close. After a few seconds Garry squirmed and Hershel turned him over again, unable to give him a quick death even if that would be more merciful than the slow painful one that awaited him.

It was late afternoon when Hershel felt a hand on his shoulder and feared that he and his grandson would die together after all, victims of a walker. The gun was beside him, he might kill this one but there were only a few bullets left. Should he save the last two for Garry and himself?

But the hand wasn't clawing at him, it was warm and solid and squeezed his shoulder gently.

"Hershel Greene," a voice said, and Hershel knew that the Lord had not forsaken him.

"Thank God. Who is it?" he asked, struggling to open his eyes.

"Daryl Dixon. With Rick Grimes' group at your farm last year."

Hershel had thought Dixon was a dangerous man the year before but he appeared now as a savior. And when Hershel learned that Garry's father was alive and close by he knew his prayers had truly been answered. He gave Dixon his journal, his last will and testament and Garry's birth certificate.

Hershel watched as Dixon fed Garry. The man was obviously unaccustomed to such a task but he did fine.

"Where are you settled?"

"Five miles as the crow flies. A place called Stonehill Convalescent Facility."

"I've heard of it. Did Lori Grimes have her baby?"

"Yeah, Judy will be a year in May. The kids can grow up together."

When Dixon changed Garry his small penis sprayed the man and he jerked back. For a moment Hershel was afraid Dixon would be angry with the baby. But Garry was cooing and waving his arms and legs and Dixon chuckled as he fastened the diaper. His fingers were clumsy but he kept at it until the diaper was secure. He wrapped Garry in a blanket and handed him back to his grandfather.

Hershel gave a brief account of the last few days and then felt his strength abruptly drain. "Don't let me drop him," he whispered. Dixon put an arm under the baby and a hand on Hershel's shoulder.

The end, after all, would be peaceful, Hershel thought. He had had a long life with his share of regrets. The discord with his father when he was a young man, the drinking he had finally conquered. He had married, had children, raised a family, tended his farm and the community of animals surrounding it.

The past year and a half had seen that life destroyed and the world he knew changed forever and yet there had also been the joy of a grandson and now the comfort of knowing that Garry would be cared for by his father. Maggie was gone but other women would mother her son and other men would help keep him safe.

With his final breath Hershel Greene was content to give his soul to God and his grandson to Daryl Dixon.


	36. Resolution

Daryl

You finally decide to go look for Merle. You haven't gone before because you wanted to stay with Glenn and Garry more than you wanted to find out about your brother. You still want to be with them but Garry is two now and things are more settled and it seems like the right time. You think about it for a couple of days but before you can talk to Glenn, Rick finds you alone in the maintenance room and tells you Merle is here.

"He didn't shoot you on sight?"

"It's a good sign, isn't it?" Rick says, "You need some privacy. I'll send him back here."

You clean off your hands while you wait. You aren't sure what you're feeling or what you should feel. Excitement, relief and apprehension are there in equal measures. You're glad Merle is alive but this is also the showdown you've dreaded and even dreamed about. You hear footsteps in the hall and your brother fills the doorway.

He seems taller than you remember, leaner and harder, but his eyes are quiet not crazy which you'll take as another good sign. You study each other, assessing, and move toward each other and then you are hugging your brother after three and a half long years. He grips you tight, gives a final squeeze and releases. You both step back.

"You look good, Daryl." Merle is first to speak because your throat feels clogged although Merle's voice sounds a little funny as well.

"You, too." You take his right arm because you just remembered the missing hand. It didn't seem important compared to his presence but no doubt it's pretty damn important to Merle. There's a hook fastened to the stump. Trust your brother to find one in an apocalypse. "Is this going to be an issue?" Merle no longer seems like a rageaholic but you need to know for sure.

"No," Merle says. "It's over and done. Saw Grimes on the way in. I hear T-Dog is dead."

You nod. "Seven months later. I hate what happened. We went back for you the next day but you were gone ... mostly." You wonder if that's too flippant but Merle actually smiles.

"I cut my hand off to get away from walkers breaking through that door. But there were no walkers. All hallucinated. A guy asked me later if the cuff was so small I couldn't just cut off my thumb and save the rest of the hand. I don't remember. I got big hands and wrists so maybe it wouldn't have worked but truth is, I was so wasted I never thought of it. Been clean since then. From necessity at first and then when I had the chance again, I passed."

"That's good. Good for you." Sounds like Merle is being accountable for his actions. "So why the fuck has it taken you so long to catch up? I'm disappointed if you can't track better than that one-handed."

Merle hesitates. "Got sidetracked by the same reason I passed on the drugs. A woman I met and her daughter."

"Glad to hear it." Merle is different and if a woman and her kid are responsible, you're happy for him. He's probably not going to be as happy about the man and kid in your life. But something is wrong because Merle shifts uneasily.

"Thing is, I hope you won't make no remarks to her or the girl. You can say what you want to me."

"What do you mean?" You wonder who the hell Merle got mixed up with.

"She's a J.A.P."

"Japanese?" Is it possible you and Merle both wound up with Asians?

"Not a Jap, a Jew."

"Oh." Jewish American Princess. The irony strikes you and you start laughing. Merle's eyes narrow. He thinks you're making fun of him. "I'm not laughing at you, just the situation. Wasn't my intention to one-up you with an awkward relationship but I'm gonna win, no question. Remember Glenn?"

Merle frowns. "The Chink scavenger?"

"He's Korean but yeah, that's the one. We been together almost since you left."

Merle's jaw drops. He's speechless for a bit. "You ... he ... you're gay?"

"Yeah."

"How the fuck did that happen?"

"You really want me to describe it?"

"Please God, no." Merle smiles reluctantly, as you hoped he would. "Well, shit surely does happen."

"What are your girls' names?" Best to move on quickly and not give Merle too much time to think.

"Dana is the mom and Eden is the daughter, she's 12. One more thing, Dana is four months gone. I'm gonna be a father." Merle sounds kind of proud.

You smile and then with the best timing ever Garry shows up and comes over to you calling, "Daddy." You pick him up. If Merle was shocked before, he's completely dumbfounded this time.

"Garry, this is my big brother." You can't resist adding, "Your uncle Merle."

"I was two last week. We had cake." At Garry's age a birthday is the most important event he can remember. You set him down and ask him to bring his daddy and he runs out.

"We hit a rough patch. Glenn slept with a girl," you explain to a still stunned Merle. "We were back together right away and didn't know about Garry until he was two months old. His mother had just got bit and died. His grandpa got him to us before he passed."

"Jesus Christ, for a second I thought you mutated or somethin'. Wondered if I was lucky Dana is pregnant instead of me." Merle shakes his head with bewilderment. "Lemme get this straight. I take up with a Jew and you go gay. With a Korean. I got a kid on the way and you got a little boy calling you 'Daddy.' When did you get to be such a competitive over-achieving bastard?"

You tell him younger brothers have to try harder.

"Hello, Merle." Glenn is in the doorway holding Garry by the hand.

Merle nods. "Glenn."

Glenn bends down and smoothes Garry's hair. "Why don't you go play with Judy? We'll be along soon." Garry trots away.

Merle looks Glenn over. "Must be more than meets the eye if you turned my brother queer."

Glenn grins. "What makes you think  _I_  turned  _him_?"

"So you're really together, huh? Havin' sex and all."

You decide a demonstration is in order. You say, "Glenn" and he walks toward you like he knows what you have in mind, which he probably does. He steps into your arms and you kiss, open mouths and tongue. You only kiss in public on New Year's Eve. Glenn has no objection to other occasions but he knows you just can't. It's not a gay thing. You don't care for PDAs. You never did like to see couples hanging over each other in public. But this is different and you're enjoying it and so is Glenn. Maybe too much. You're pressed together and he starts moving against you, as he's likely to do, and it's time to break apart before you get hard in front of your brother.

"I think I went blind," Merle says.

"I figured you might not believe it unless you saw it."

"Maybe so but I don't need more proof, if you don't mind. And I ain't kissing the bride because I don't want to know which one that'd be."

"You're taking this well," Glenn says.

"Merle was worried how I'd react to his news," you tell Glenn. "He's with a member of the Tribe of Israel."

"A Jew? So what?" Glenn pretends to be puzzled. "Oh, you hated them, too? Blacks, Asians, Gays, Jews. What about Mexicans and Yankees?"

Merle turns to you. "Is he always like this?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

"Dana has a mouth on her and some New York City attitude with it. I feel better knowing you get grief, too. Guess this is what they call Karma."

That night in bed you tell Glenn that Dana isn't Merle's type.

"Types don't matter so much anymore. Sometimes it just has to do with availability."

"Is that how we got together?"

"No, we got lucky. Besides, we weren't the only singles. Andrea, Amy, Dale, T-Dog. I don't count Shane. We could have hooked up with other men or women. We chose each other. But back to Merle's type. You didn't think he'd go for stunning with perfect hair and a manicure?"

"Oh, he'd go for her but I wouldn't expect her to go for him. And how vain is she?"

"She wanted to impress her man's family. I don't think she looks like that all the time. The pistols were a surprise."

"Yeah, a matched set for mother and daughter. And they know how to use them. That probably sealed the deal for Merle."

"Dana and Eden. I hope I don't forget and call them Penny and Marcy."

"I hope they don't name that baby Mason if it's a boy."

Glenn rolls over into your arms. "Speaking of Merle, that was hot. Kissing while he watched."

"It better not be Merle that made you hot."

Foreplay progresses and you recall that it's been awhile since Glenn topped. You're in the mood tonight so you hand him the lube and he gets that look in his eye. You end up half on your stomach and half on your side with Glenn behind you. He puts his chin over your shoulder and nuzzles your neck. You pull his leg around your hip. The moves are practiced but familiarity doesn't mean boring. You're no longer surprised that the sensations are always different. Glenn's hand reaches around to your belly and moves down, following the line of hair as it narrows then widens again. His fingers comb through your pubic hair and circle you. Your cock pulses against his palm as you begin moving in counterpoint to Glenn's thrusts. You forget to breathe regularly as you get closer and you're gasping by the time you climax. So is Glenn. He collapses against you. He doesn't pull out right away. You don't do this often so the fullness when he enters you seems new each time and then you feel a little empty when he softens and slips out.

You pull on underwear and tee shirts after you clean up because January is as cold as it gets in Georgia. Hours later you're awakened when Garry cries out. You reach for the crossbow by the bed and Glenn goes to Garry. It's probably a bad dream but you check the house to be sure something didn't wake him and then step into your boots and take a look outside. All clear.

Glenn is cleaning Garry up in the bathroom. Toilet training has commenced and it's going well but nights are still problematic. You hand them a fresh pair of pull-ups. Garry is tearful because he didn't wake up in time. Glenn assures him it's okay, especially since he was scared.

You squat beside him. "You're safe now. I checked. Everything's all right."

Garry comes to bed with you for the rest of the night. You kind of like his warm little body and baby smell. There's plenty of his childhood left but you can't help looking ahead to when he grows up and away from you and Glenn. You suppose it will happen so gradually that you'll adjust as you go along which is good because you don't care for the idea right now. Glenn is watching you across Garry who is already asleep again.

"I'm glad Merle showed up," you whisper.

"You were going to look for him soon, weren't you?"

"Yeah, I was about to tell you. But I would have hated leaving this. I don't want to miss anything."

In the morning Garry scrambles out of bed and runs to the bathroom. "Gotta go potty!"

"Me, too," you tell Glenn.

Garry is using his potty and you have the stool. Garry looks at your dick and his own but doesn't say anything.

It's still early so you both go back to bed. As Garry settles down he says to Glenn, "Daryl has a big pee pee."

Glenn doesn't laugh but he can't hold back a smile. "Yes, he does."

"You, too, Daddy. Mine's little."

Great. You and Glenn have given your son an inferiority complex or penis envy or something traumatic.

"That's because you're a little boy and we're grown up," Glenn says. "Remember how you got taller? Everything gets bigger. Ears and nose, fingers and toes."

You admire Glenn's ability to explain proportion. Apparently Garry is satisfied because he goes back to sleep. Normally that wouldn't happen but it was an interrupted night. A few minutes later Glenn nods and you quietly get out of bed and carefully take Garry to his room. When you return you close the door and strip.

"Good thing Garry doesn't know just how big your pee pee gets." Glenn is watching you from the bed. His is pretty big as well. You hope you'll have time to make use of them before Garry wakes up again.

A few minutes after you finish the doorbell rings. You hear Garry run to answer it then he comes to the bedroom. "Uncle Merle says get your lazy asses up."

One big happy family again.


	37. Desiderate

Glenn

_'April is the cruellest month.'_

I agree with T.S. Eliot but not for the same reasons. And not because the deadline for filing taxes falls smack in the middle of the month. There's no IRS anymore, an advantage of the ZA, although it will probably be one of the first things to make a comeback when the government gets organized. No, my dislike of April is because Daryl has been gone for two weeks and won't be back for at least two more. I miss him an insane amount and so does Garry. Daryl went with Merle to fix up the old Dixon place. Merle, Dana and Eden have been at Stonehill since January but they never planned to stay because on their way to find Daryl, Merle checked out his former home and it was in decent shape. Not burned out or ruined but it needed some work and Merle can't do it by himself one-handed even with a hook. Dana is pregnant and Eden is 12. Of course Daryl wanted to help and I wanted him to go, too. Merle, Dana and Eden are his family and by extension mine. I just didn't think time would go so slowly without him. There's plenty to do here, especially now that it's spring, but I'm able to work and think about Daryl at the same time.

The first few days weren't bad because we're used to Daryl hunting overnight occasionally. I keep in practice with my crossbow but I don't stay away overnight anymore. Garry is fine with the others but we don't want to risk him being orphaned. It's safer now that the walkers are dying out but they still make an appearance sometimes. After three days Garry started asking when Daryl would be back. He doesn't understand how long days or weeks are yet. He asked every few days for awhile and now he just looks at me sadly. Recently he started coming into bed with me. I suppose I shouldn't encourage it but I can't say no. I feel better when the bed isn't so empty.

Daryl

You and Merle have been working your asses off. You're glad to be busy all day so that you're tired at night and don't lay awake too long thinking about Glenn and Garry. Despite feeling like a rutting stag for the better part of a month, you find the thought of being at home again more pleasurable than the prospect of getting laid. Although you're looking forward to that event with considerable eagerness. Three more days and everything will be finished. The first day you cleaned out the septic tank because three years of inactivity meant a shit load of trouble waiting to happen. Literally. Since then you built on an extra bedroom and bathroom, shingled the roof and put on siding. Dana and Eden have been painting inside and doing small jobs. Dana is at seven months and neither you or Merle will let her do much. You and Merle worked construction on and off over the years and like a lot of men in rural areas you can turn your hand to most anything including a little wiring and plumbing. You never did much to the place before because you couldn't afford it. But there's lumber and home improvement material at the do-it-yourself stores. That's not the kind of stuff that was looted when the outbreak started and now that there's a reason to rebuild there's plenty for the remaining survivors.

You wondered if Merle would be too isolated here but a few new people have moved in fairly close including a woman who was a professional midwife before the ZA. She's glad to have an opportunity to practice again. Merle admits he wouldn't have left Stonehill before the baby was born if she wasn't available.

Isolation will be more of a problem as time goes by because gas is getting scarcer. Gas stations are empty and most abandoned vehicles have been siphoned. There are storage tanks but they'll be drained eventually and oil refineries aren't going to be operating anytime soon. You're afraid internal combustion engines have had their day. Bicycles are popular and horses are back in style. Maybe you'll end up driving an electric car. Going green by necessity.

After breakfast as you start work Merle says, "You'll be done today."

You shake your head. "Two more days at least."

"Yeah, but I can finish on my own."

"I'll stick around."

"No, you'll head back tomorrow. On account of you're about to start rubbing up against a tree and I don't want to witness that after surviving an apocalypse."

You can't help smiling because it's almost true. "You sure?"

"Yep. God knows what Glenn is doing without you. Well, God knows and I got a pretty good idea so get the hell out of here before I get too many pictures in my mind."

You don't need any more convincing.

Glenn

I'm getting excited because Daryl should be home in a few days. I don't say anything to Garry because I don't want to get his hopes up. Daryl might be delayed a couple of days but no more than that. We agreed before he left that he'd be back by May 3rd at the latest.

I'm making dinner while Garry plays out front. Everyone usually goes to communal lunch in the main building where we take turns cooking but dinner is family time. I hear a motor idling but don't think anything of it until Garry starts shouting, "Daddy, Daddy, come quick. Daddy's home."

I'm at the front door in time to see Daryl's motorcycle coast to a stop. In his excitement Garry is calling both of us Daddy at the same time which he hasn't done for awhile but who can blame him. He's been quiet lately and I'm glad he hasn't forgotten Daryl. It's the best surprise possible that he's two days early instead of late. He barely has time to dismount, put the kickstand down and toss his helmet aside before Garry reaches him. I stand in the doorway for a moment trying to control my longing but Daryl sees me and he looks like I feel so I stop pretending and go to meet him.

"I didn't expect you yet."

"Merle kicked me out. Told me to go home and take care of business." Daryl looks from me to Garry and back again. "Hello, business." Then he crooks his arm around my neck and kisses me.

When we finally break I say, "It's not New Year's Eve."

"New rule. I kiss you in public on New Year's Eve and any time I'm gone more than a week."

"Then I only want it on New Year's Eve," I tell him. "Because I never want you to be gone that long again."

Garry has been happily pressed against Daryl's arm but now he climbs up his chest to his shoulder. Daryl pulls one leg around his neck and helps Garry balance for a moment before tilting him forward and flipping him over to hand him to me. Garry laughs and hugs me. All three of us are complete again.

Daryl is dusty from a day on the road so he showers before we eat. He's stiff from riding so afterward he goes to soak in a hot bath while Garry helps me clean up the kitchen. Then it's Garry's bath time so he gets in with Daryl. I'm a little jealous but the tub's not big enough for three and it wouldn't be a good idea for Daryl and me to both be naked right now. Daryl manages to bathe Garry who is giggling and wiggling and slippery as an eel. Suddenly he makes an 'Oops' face. I tell him it's okay because it's bedtime anyway. Daryl flips the lever to drain the water Garry just peed in then he rinses both of them under the shower.

Drying Garry and getting him into pajamas is a familiar action so I can multitask and watch Daryl dry off and pull on underwear. He's tan above the waist but his butt is milky white. Good thing he doesn't turn around although I don't need a visual. I know exactly what his cock looks like even though I haven't seen it for a month. Or touched it. Or tasted it.

Garry is still wound up but he'll settle quickly with a story. Daryl and I get in bed with him because if we lay on the covers Garry can't move and feels like a mummy. Five minutes later Garry is asleep. Unfortunately so is Daryl. But that's all right because I'm 30 seconds behind them. Just time to lay the book down and switch off the lamp.

Daryl

After breakfast Lori stops by with Judy and asks if Garry can spend the day with them.

"Judy would love to have a play date and you two will be busy catching up on all the news. Daryl probably has laundry to do."

"Yeah," you tell her. "Talking and laundry. That's all we got planned."

"Thanks, Lori," Glenn says.

She winks and leaves with the kids. You're standing at the door waving goodbye and your hand is on Glenn's ass. Not just his sweatpants. You're inside his underwear cupping his warm skin and sliding between his legs until your fingertips touch his balls.

"Just so you know, Dana washed my clothes before I left."

"Good," Glenn says. "And there's no news that can't wait."

Hours pass in a slow cycle of sex and sleepy conversation. The expectation that you and Glenn would fall on each other like ravening wolves has given way to something less mindless and more satisfying. Not that you're restrained in expressing yourselves. But being together again is as important as the actual fucking.

At one point you're on your stomach and Glenn is licking the line across your back.

"How often did you wear a shirt the past month?" he asks.

"Four, maybe five days."

"Why don't you go shirtless here?"

"No danger of being attacked by Merle but with you around I wouldn't get any work done."

Glenn starts to argue but you turn over and he gets distracted by the tan line across your belly and everything below it. Later your hand is on one of his nipples and your mouth is at the other and you realize it's a good thing he keeps his shirt on, too.

After awhile Glenn asks how often you came while you were away.

"Couple of times when I was awake and once asleep."

"You had a wet dream?" He seems pleased by the idea.

"Hasn't happened for 15 years but two weeks without you and pop goes the weasel. After that I figured I might as well make it happen."

You're pretty sure Glenn beat off regularly while you were gone but you don't care because you're also sure he was thinking of you every time.

Glenn

We finally get around to sharing our news. I ask Daryl what Merle's planning to do now.

"There's some corn and barley and sugar cane coming in."

"Your brother is going to farm?"

"Not exactly. Just for raw materials." Daryl grins. "We resurrected the still."

"I can't believe I didn't see that coming. Could your family be any more of a cliché?"

"Far as I know there's no incest."

"I'm relieved to be wrong."

"Merle's always had a knack with moonshine but we gave it up after a little legal trouble. That won't be a problem now. He does a nice peach schnapps, too. And I'll tell you a secret. Pecans add a real good nut flavor to some brews."

"Peaches and pecans and crops can be raised for barter at the swap meets."

"Anybody can raise them. Turning them into something decent to drink is kind of an art form."

I suspect Daryl is right. I wouldn't be surprised if it takes off and we end up in the family business.


	38. Commitment

Daryl

You and Glenn are entertaining at The Outpost. It's just Merle but besides being with your brother again it's nice to have a face around that you don't see every day. Merle brought five jars of output from the still. He thinks he's got the recipes perfected so you're taste testing. This isn't something that Garry needs to see so he's spending the night with Carol and Sophia. Normally he'd go to the Grimes since Garry and Judy are best friends but Judy's got a cold and is isolated in the hope that the rest of the group won't get it. Probably won't work since you all have to be together so much. Might be best to let the germs circulate. Build up everyone's immune system. But Carol and Sophia were glad to have Garry and he thinks sleepovers are fun so everybody's happy.

It's evening and you've had supper so Merle's potent brews won't be hitting empty stomachs. Glenn says we'll set up on the veranda. Merle asks if that's gay for back porch. They're off and running. The porch is screened and there's a slight breeze. It's pretty comfortable. You've got quality patio furniture courtesy of the ZA so you're stretched out on loungers. You and Glenn are in board shorts and tee shirts. As a concession to the heat Merle is in baggy Bermudas and a wifebeater. There are rows of shot glasses waiting. Glenn brings out a box of saltines.

"You got any Goldfish or Chicken in a Biskit?" Merle asks.

"Those aren't the right crackers. You need something plain to cleanse the palate between sips."

Merle looks at you. You shrug.

"Should I say this isn't a fuckin' wine tasting?" Merle muses. "No, I'll let it pass."

The sampling commences. After judgment is passed the drinking begins. Pretty soon Glenn looks flushed and happy.

"Is it hot? I feel hot." He starts to pull off his shirt.

"Oh, lordy, he's stripping." Merle looks at me. "Can't you stop him?"

You're feeling loose enough to appreciate Glenn's chest. "Why would I want to?"

"You're drunk," Merle accuses.

"Naw, just buzzed."

"And horny."

"That, yeah."

Merle notices the Korean symbol on Glenn's chest. "What's the tat mean? Same as yours?" Merle saw yours when you worked shirtless on his house a few months ago. You didn't tell him it was Glenn's name.

"It means Property of Daryl Dixshun." Glenn is slurring a little. "It's also on my ass. Because that definitely belongs to him."

Merle is groaning with disgust.

"It's just Daryl," you assure him. "And it's not on his ass. Well, not that." As soon as you say it you know it's too much information.

Merle's curiosity wins out. "What's on his ass?"

"Nothing."

"It's not nothing." Glenn is almost giggling. "Daryl's hands are on my ass!"

"No, they're not." Denial won't work but you have to try.

Merle looks confused. "What the fuck?"

"I'll show you." Glenn pulls his shorts down.

The situation is out of your control. You're just wasted enough not to care very much and apparently so is Merle. Both of you are good drinkers but you've been out of training for a few years.

Glenn's ass is bare and there's your thumbprint on each cheek.

Merle looks at you. "You can't remember where your hands go when you're fucking him?"

"I was experimenting with fingerprint tattoos."

"Nice details." Merle shakes his head. "But every time I think of you as guys who happen to live together you go and prove you're queer all over again. Next thing you'll be getting ring tattoos like you're married."

Glenn is interested. "That'd be cool."

You give Merle a dirty look. Maybe Glenn won't remember tomorrow.

Glenn is unsteady on his feet and trying to pull his shorts up. You tell him to sit down before he falls down and he drops onto your lap. It feels way too good to be holding him and you figure this is where Merle will draw the line so you move Glenn to his own lounger. You have a half-stack as you lean over him and since your crotch is at eye level he notices.

"Hey, Merle, was Daryl's cock always big? You know it is, right?"

"Hell, yes. He ain't my little brother in every way. It was bigger than mine when he was 15."

Merle discussing sex with Glenn even when they're both a little drunk is surprising but then it makes sense. What else is there to talk about? News, weather, sports, religion? News was shared the first hour Merle arrived. It's August in Georgia. Hot with plenty of bugs pretty well covers the weather report. There's no professional sports and religion will always be a touchy subject. That leaves sex. Which men tend to talk about anyway.

"I don't get it," Merle says. "You see a man and a woman, how can you want to do the dude instead of her?"

"I only want to do Daryl," Glenn tells him at the same time you say, "I only wanna do Glenn."

"Yeah, I know," Merle says. "You're all committed and such. I ain't bustin' your balls here, I'm trying to understand this gay thing. I mean, Daryl slept with a bunch a women and you knocked one up."

"On the first and only try," Glenn says. After he got over the shock he was proud of that.

"Are you shittin' me?"

"I still feel bad about Maggie but it turned out to be the best mistake I ever made."

"You slept with one woman one time and got a kid. You got some strong little swimmers." Then Merle asks, "You go both ways, or would you if there was enough people to choose from?"

Anything you say is likely to make Merle think he's being mocked for an unhealthy interest in the subject matter so you're content to keep quiet and listen to him and Glenn pass it back and forth.

"It's just Daryl now. But Maggie wasn't the only girl I was with. I slept with two others in high school and college."

"So you didn't always think you were queer? I thought you people were supposed to know you were born that way."

Glenn's therapist instincts are working even when he's drunk. "Sexuality is more complicated than that. Sure, some do know absolutely, but it can be confusing for a lot of us."

"But you were young when you figured it out. Is Daryl just slow or what?"

Okay, you've been quiet long enough. "Probably I was gay all along and just didn't want to think about it. How would you have reacted to the news if the ZA hadn't happened?"

"I admit I'm glad the assholes we knew aren't around to see this. But I bet I speak for a lotta women when I say it's a damn shame your equipment isn't available to them."

"Hey," Glenn says indignantly. "It's not like it's going to waste. I appreciate it more than they would."

Later in bed Glenn is on his stomach and your hands are in place with thumbs over the matching tattoos when your body betrays you. You've never had trouble fucking while drunk. Is it age or lack of practice? You've wondered if you preferred not to be sober the last years before the ZA because sticking your dick in a pussy didn't really excite you. Glenn is tight enough that you haven't slipped out yet but there's no force behind your thrusts. Then you realize he's not arching back against you and his body feels too relaxed. You whisper, "Glenn" and he murmurs sleepily, "Love you ... but I gotta sleep ... go ahead."

Nice of him to offer but you don't want sex with Glenn while he's asleep even if you were able. You've gotten used to a certain interaction with him. It's a relief to pull out and curl up around him.

You wake up less hung over than you thought you would, probably because Glenn handed out aspirin and bottles of water before bed. He thinks ahead, just like in chess. Glenn is still asleep but after awhile he reaches for you and apologizes for passing out. You tell him your dick passed out before he did. He asks if you want to finish what barely got started the night before. You do.

Afterward you take his left hand and kiss his ring finger. "I been thinking about something Merle said. You want a ring tattoo?"

Glenn looks surprised. He didn't expect you to remember or bring it up if you did recall it. "Is this because I just provided you with the sweetest release short of death?"

"I always get that, so no."

"Would it be a double ring tattooing?"

"Yeah."

"You're really comfortable with the idea?"

"I like being in love with you. Maybe it's time to show it. It's been four years and we've got a kid."

"I'm in."

You're still watching him because this isn't a moment you want to let go of yet. How is it possible to love someone so much that it hurts and heals at the same time?

Glenn is watching you with similar thoughts if his expression is anything to go by. And you're familiar with his expressions. Then he says, "I wonder if engaged sex is better than shacking-up sex."

"Only one way to find out."

Glenn

Daryl is wearing Grandpa Prentiss' magnifying glasses as he works on my tattoo. We waited until winter so we wouldn't mess up our hands working outside all day every day. Garry turned three a few days ago and that qualified him to be taken on as a tattoo apprentice. He's so proud to be helping Daryl. Their heads are bent over my hand. Garry's is a smooth black cap like mine and Daryl's brown hair is as untidy as ever.

I barely remember when I was in debt, alone and unhappy. A few months later debts no longer mattered and Daryl had taken care of the other two. And then he brought Garry home and a piece we didn't know was missing was suddenly in place. Daryl and I complete each other and Garry completes us. He seems so much 'ours' maybe because Maggie and I knew each other so briefly and I wasn't around when she was pregnant and gave birth. I wish she hadn't died. I wish Garry knew her and she could see him grow up. I wish Garry had a mom and two dads. But we're not the only ones with wishes like that. Everyone has their own regrets. Garry has started asking about family and Daryl and I tell him as simply as we can about his mother and grandfather. We'll tell him more when he gets older.

I'm never going to be a tattoo artist but I'm proficient enough to have done most of Daryl's tattoo. He helped with the fine details. He finishes shading mine and Garry hands him ointment and a bandage. Daryl lays the glasses aside and says it's done. He's smiling. I'm pretty sure Daryl has smiled more in the past four years than the previous 36. Something magnetic makes us lean in for a kiss.

Garry laughs. "You're mushy!"

I kiss the top of his head. "We're mushy about you, too." We're affectionate in front of Garry but nothing graphic.

His eyes are bright. "I want a tattoo!"

I start to tell him he's too young but Daryl gives me a look. He lifts Garry to his knee. "It won't be permanent, except for a little bit that will hurt. You sure?"

Garry nods. Daryl cleans his finger and pokes three small dots in a row. Garry winces but it looks like he's too excited to be feeling much pain. Daryl tells him the three dots are for Garry, Daddy and Daryl. He connects the dots by carefully drawing a design that matches our ring tattoos even though the ink will fade in a few days. There always seems to be another reason to love him. This is one more.


	39. MerleMania

Daryl

You're cupping Glenn's crotch, as much as you can anyway. When aroused there's too much Glenn for one hand. Maybe if you squeeze it'll compress enough to fit in your palm ...

Your theory backfired because Glenn wasn't completely erect and squeezing encouraged that last inch. You could use both hands. Or your mouth. Yeah, that's the best solution. You stroke his dick and tease his balls with your tongue then trade off sucking his dick and teasing his balls with your fingers. Glenn is on his back with a foot on each side of your head and when he's close to coming his legs and knees get you in a headlock that you don't really notice until he shoots and relaxes and says, "Sorry about that." He doesn't sound all that sorry but you don't mind. You'll take it as further evidence that your efforts are appreciated.

You haven't come yet so you do the prep and turn Glenn over. Pretty soon you're as satisfied as he is.

Glenn

We came to a swap meet with Andrea and Dale. There are small local ones every couple of weeks during the growing season and bigger ones every couple of months that require more travel time. This one is about halfway between Stonehill and the Dixon homestead. Merle came, too, so the brothers could see each other. Dana and Eden stayed home with Benjamin who's only a year old.

It's also my birthday. Five years since Daryl gave me that crossbow. This time we snuck away for a couple of hours. There's just something wanton about afternoon sex in a motel. But it's time to go back. I ask Daryl, "How do you think Garry and Merle are getting along?"

Merle

How the fuck did I wind up babysitting a little gook boy? Excuse me all to hell, a Korean kid. I don't mean nothin' by the words I use. Not much anyway. I been called hick and honky, cracker and redneck, hillbilly and white trash. I'll take any of those over Caucasian. We oughta just stick to colors. White, black, red, brown, yellow. And now we got geek gray.

No offense to Glenn and Garry but the yellows are about the worst for not knowing what to call them or their territory. When I was growin' up they were Orientals though my pa called all of 'em Chinamen. When I was in the service old-timers still called it the Pacific theatre or the Far East command. Now they all seem to be Asian. I can't keep up.

But Garry's all right. He's three and a half and I see Daryl in him even though there's no Dixon blood. Glenn says it's the result of nurture vs. nature. I don't envy my brother his choice of companion. For 20 years he fucked every female that wiggled and then fell for a guy who talks like that. Well, Daryl made his bed, now he can lay in it. Which I'm sure he's happy to do since Glenn shares it. Don't get me started on the bed thing with them two.

It was kinda funny when I found Daryl again. I wanted him to be nice to my Jews and he wanted me to not kill him and Glenn for being homos. I mighta reacted different if we didn't have a ZA going on. There's a saying that it takes all kinds. It don't take all kinds, we just got all kinds. But there's not so many left that we can be choosy. Besides, Daryl is no pansy and Glenn isn't either. He made all them supply runs to Atlanta alone back when the city was wall-to-wall walkers.

Looking back I shoulda seen the Glenn and Daryl show starting up before I left. Andrea's little sis Amy was right there all blonde hair and perky tits and Glenn never took the bait because he was too busy staring at Daryl's tats and mooning over the motorcycle and crossbow. I thought he was impressed at meeting a real man and figured it was Daryl's turn to have a little brother.

But I ain't sayin' nothing about Daryl's choice since my life is closely supervised by Dana. I don't let that out to anyone. It's not like I don't get to do what I want. Seems like I want what she wants anyway. Just lucky I guess, but I could put my foot down anytime. I think Eden feels sorry for me sometimes. A sympathetic daughter is a comfort to a man, especially when she's lived with her mom longer than I have. She's a good girl, almost 14. Helluva shot, too, both her and her mom. Me and Dana worry about who she'll pair up with eventually. Not so many prospects now which is almost worse than too many.

I'm afraid it'll be Rick Grimes' boy. Carl's not a bad kid but his pa and me have our history. I told Daryl it was over and done but that didn't mean I wanted to be in-laws with him. Another possibility is Morgan Jones' son, Duane. Let's just say he's tanned darker that I expected in my family tree. I already got Asians. Isn't that integrated enough? Was it Clinton who said he wanted to look around his cabinet and see America? Do I have to say the same about my dinner table?

But it probably won't be Duane. Daryl told me Sophia and Duane been casting eyes on each other since he and his pa showed up. Everyone figured Carl and Sophia would be together but now it seems like they're too good a friends to go that way. Ever since the walkers started rotting away matchmaking is the national pastime. I'm as interested in sex as anybody but it don't need to be talked to death. Like Elvis sang, 'A little less conversation, a little more action, please.'

Not that I want Eden to be getting any action yet. That Carl Grimes is probably so polite he won't try anything and I won't have the chance to be an outraged father. Plus Stonehill is a day away from my place. But these swap meets are the main social events as well as an opportunity for trade. The small ones are just Saturdays but the big ones are all weekend. I bring my hooch and the grain mill and do pretty well. Got a portable grinder to make wheat flour and corn meal. Daryl sets up next to me. He's like a boutique at the farmer's market. People want something nice for a special occasion and Daryl has it. Pheasant, quail and other stuff called something exotic. Goose liver, fish eggs and rabbit stew are pate, caviar and ragout of hare. That's got Glenn written all over it. Daryl provides it but Glenn packages and labels everything. He says presentation is important. I say it's gay. He says it's good business. The little fucker is right. It works.

Daryl does tattoos, too, and I help if he gets two customers at the same time. Daryl was always good with designs. He's artsy-fartsy that way. Maybe that's why he turned queer. And now him and the birthday boy sneaking out to do the deed in a motel down the street and leaving me with their kid.

Just remembered how I ended up in this situation. I offered. Huh. Guess I figured it would give me a look at what Benny will be like in a couple of years. I suppose he'll go by Ben when he's older. He's not gonna be Benji like them damned dog movies. Not under my roof.

The past five years have been better than the 20 years before. Not sure anymore what happened to get so far off track. I ain't gonna whine about dysfunctional families. Play the cards you're dealt and do the best you can. I admit I didn't do so good for awhile. Cost me a hand to find that out. Better than an arm and a leg as the saying goes. I'm not passing out blame. It's like the line in that Margaritaville song, 'I know it's my own damn fault.' Might even be a good thing to have a hook to remind me.

After I left that building in Atlanta I wandered into a park and there was a helicopter about to take off. They got me aboard before I passed out. Ended up at a refugee center pretty far north. That's where I met Dana and Eden. I felt bad about leavin' Daryl but I wasn't in any shape to go back right away and later I wasn't ready to face that bunch yet. The center got overrun from the inside. Somebody turned and that's all it took. I got Dana and Eden out. They're from New York City but were visiting DC when the outbreak happened. I asked what Washington was like with all them politicians. Dana said it took her a week to realize something was different about them. That mighta been the first time I laughed since it started.

Dana's parents were older when she came along and they both died a few years back. She and her husband were 'amicably divorced.' Married young, both Jewish, parents were friends, it didn't last. She called him when it happened and a stranger answered his cell phone. Said her ex was dead in front of him and anywhere else was safer than New York. They never went back.

I wasn't gonna try anything with Dana but one night she told me she hadn't had sex for two years. I told her we had that in common and not much later it wasn't true anymore. I finally told her I left a brother in Georgia. She got sad and serious and said maybe he was dead. That never crossed my mind. I told her I needed to find him. By then the walkers were starting to rot and things were settling down. She said if I wanted family, how about a kid? I didn't object but we're not having more. Dana did fine with the midwife but she's 40 now and we got a boy and a girl. Not worth pressing our luck. I didn't expect to have any family besides Daryl but that changed for both of us.

Morning trade was brisk but it slowed at noon when most everyone took a break. Daryl and Glenn took off. I ate with Garry, Dale and Andrea. After lunch a guy came by and looked disappointed that Daryl wasn't around. He was here in the morning wanting his dead girlfriend's name on his arm. He didn't have shit to trade so Daryl suggested a **_C_**   instead of **_Catherine_** and the guy said he'd think about it. I told him I could do the tattoo. I pulled out what Daryl drew and inked it on his left bicep. The curlicue at the top of the **_C_**   is a teardrop in blood red. Garry stood there solemnly handing me tools, blotting bandages and ointment. Daryl's got him trained.

After that Garry held bags open so I could scoop them full of flour. He was drooping when we finished. Glenn said he doesn't like to admit he needs a nap. I sat down and said, "Set awhile. Your uncle Merle is tired." He climbed up and a few minutes later he was asleep against my chest just like Benny only bigger.

He's not a gook or Asian or Korean-American. He's a boy who lost his mother when he was a baby. But then he got lucky with his dads. I hope he wakes up before they get back and see me like this.


	40. Contention

Glenn

Mabel got out and Daryl almost got bit.

One of our best milk cows and producer of calves the past six years wandered across the road when we were moving the herd for pasture. She was near the forest when we noticed. Daryl went after her. A walker came out of the trees with an eye on Mabel and Daryl didn't have his crossbow. We haven't seen any walkers for a couple of years and even Daryl has relaxed his vigilance. Daryl turned the walker's attention from Mabel and then slipped in a fresh pie of her making and was on the ground when the walker reached him. It would have been funny if the consequences were less deadly. By then I was close enough with my crossbow to take out the walker.

Adrenaline made me over-react and I gave Daryl hell for risking himself over a cow. He got defensive and shouted back at me. He's not usually so sensitive but he was pissed at himself for letting down his guard and getting caught without a weapon. Then the shit hit the fan or rather his fanny hit the shit and he was embarrassed about being clumsy. By then most everyone at Stonehill was watching and they were amused which made Daryl angry so he stomped off.

Dale asked, "Is it wrong of me to be glad they're not a perfect couple all the time?"

Rick joined in. "I'm relieved to know they fight like everyone else." Lori gave him a look and he shut up.

At home Daryl was cleaning up and was still in a foul mood. "Everybody was laughing."

"They weren't laughing at you. They were laughing because we were arguing."

"That's another thing. We didn't have to do that in public like a couple of screaming queens."

"Get over yourself, Daryl. We weren't screaming, we were arguing like people do sometimes. Being gay had nothing to do with it."

But Daryl's feelings were hurt and neither of us backed down so dinner was silent between us although we both talked to Garry. I hope we aren't going to start using him as a go-between. I can just hear it. 'Ask your dad to pass me the salt.' 'Tell Daryl he can reach it himself.'

Things were no better by bedtime but by then we were arguing about who should leave the room. I said I'd sleep on the sofa so Daryl could have the whole bed to himself. Daryl insisted on taking the sofa and since he was closer to the door he won that round.

I slept with Garry in retaliation.

Daryl

Glenn went crazy this afternoon and lit into you after you saved Mabel from a walker. He saved you from the same walker and you would have been grateful if he had calmed down enough for you to say so. By then everybody was enjoying the spectacle and you got mad because saving Mabel involved stepping in her cow pie and that shit just wasn't funny to you. You're glad Garry and the other little ones were with Sophia and didn't see or hear anything.

Dinner was strained and it was obvious by bedtime that you'd be better apart. Glenn was going to sleep on the sofa but you got there first so he went in with Garry in a clear act of revenge. Childish. You woke up in the night and on your way to the bathroom looked in on them. If Glenn had stayed in your bedroom you would have joined him but you couldn't do anything with Garry right there so you went back to the sofa to think of ways you could get back at him.

You make breakfast in the morning and when you tell Garry to ask his dad how many pancakes he wants, Glenn says coldly, "I'm in the room, ask me yourself." Okay, Glenn is 13 years younger so you're going to have to be the mature one and apologize in order to get past this. Which you will do at noon if he doesn't apologize to you by then.

Glenn

Garry and I are on lunch detail this week. We made potato salad and now we're almost finished with the green beans. Dale is in charge of meat and Andrea is handling bread and fruit.

"Daddy, are you mad at Daryl?"

Garry doesn't know what happened yesterday so I wonder why he would ask that. I'm about to lie to him when I realize that I've been snapping the beans harder than necessary. And scowling. And Garry might have picked up on something at dinner last night or breakfast this morning. Daryl got up first, spent a long time in the bathroom and emerged clean-shaven. Possibly the most immature thing he's ever done. He may be older than me but I'm the adult in the relationship and he's just a big kid. With permanently tousled hair, blue eyes, hard hands with a soft touch, a great body and a big cock. What was the question? Oh, yeah, am I mad at him.

I decide to be honest with my son. "Yes, I am a little."

"Why?"

"Because he did something ..." I have to choose my words carefully. 'Stupid' is accurate but mean. 'Dangerous' might make Garry anxious. "He was reckless and could have gotten hurt and I was worried."

"Don't you love each other anymore?"

"Of course we do. It's just an argument."

"But you slept with me last night and Daryl slept on the sofa."

There's a sound from the doorway. Daryl is leaning there with his arms crossed and has probably heard the whole conversation. He asks, "You making something good to eat? Because I'm starving."

Garry grins and recites the menu. I send him off to wash up. While I'm putting the beans on to cook Daryl comes up behind me.

"If I say I'm sorry, can we sleep in the same bed tonight?"

"You're apologizing because you don't want to sleep on the sofa?"

"That and I might have said some stuff I didn't mean."

"Well, I know I said some things I didn't mean so I'm sorry, too."

And just like that it's over. We kiss. I can't resist a final jab. "Shaving was uncalled for."

"I know but it'll grow pretty fast." Daryl sighs. "Long time until bed and I'm busy this afternoon."

"Me, too. But I'll think about you."

Garry comes back. "Can Teddy stay over tonight?"

"We'll ask his mom at lunch."

After dinner the boys build an elaborate track system for Garry's train using the cushions as a ramp to the top of Sofa Mountain. They want to use a bowl for a lake and make a bridge across it but it's bath time so that will be their morning project. After they're in bed Daryl and I make up in the shower. Daryl turns me to the tiled wall and fucks me hard the way I like it, covering my mouth with his hand when I can't help moaning loud enough that the boys might hear.

In bed later Daryl says, "Pretty sharp kid, huh? Making sure we have to sleep together."

"I suspected what he was doing when he invited Teddy over. But using the sofa for his train was cute."

"His dad must be smart as well as good-looking."

"Are you trying to seduce me with sweet talk?"

"Yep. Is it working? 'Cause I'm hard again."

"Shower not enough for you?"

"Not nearly." His hand is between my legs. I'm hard, too.

Daryl

You're sleepy and satisfied and comfortable with Glenn beside you. Until he opens his mouth.

"Do you think about death?"

"Was I that bad?" you demand. "I thought we had a nice time just now."

"Of course we did. And you always exceed expectations."

"So why are you thinking about death after sex?"

"You had a close call yesterday. And I'm 30 now. I'm re-evaluating my life."

"By thinking about it ending after having sex with me." You sigh to make it clear how put upon you are. But Glenn isn't buying your act. That's the trouble with being together for seven years. He knows you too well. You like talking to him about anything and the way his minds works, you never know what the topic will be.

"I don't think about dying as much as I used to," you tell him. "Back when it was likely to happen any minute."

"But it can still happen so fast."

You know he's thinking about Shane, lost a few months ago in a river swollen with spring rain. And about you.

"I wasn't that near death. I was about to kick that walker in the head, give him a mouthful of manure." It's true. Even unarmed you are far from defenseless.

"It's a good thing you were down. It gave me a clear shot."

"That was my plan," you reply almost truthfully. "I didn't fall down, I hit the ground in case your aim was off."

"That's what I thought," Glenn says, humoring you. "But just in case your plan fails someday, let's not go to bed mad again."

"Good idea. Because this sex and death thing is a good idea, too."

"You want to die after having sex?"

"In about 50 years. Be a hell of a way to go, wouldn't it?"

"Babe, if we have sex 50 years from now that's really the only possible outcome."


	41. Collisions

Glenn

After our first harvest the group decided to offer everyone at the nursing home a place at Stonehill. The old ones could live out their lives in peace and the vatos would provide extra manpower. Daryl and I offered to go to Atlanta because I had a personal errand and Daryl wanted to check the quarry for any sign of Merle. We swung by the quarry first and Daryl scouted ahead. He returned with the news that there was a dangerous-looking group in residence, five men and two women. Daryl made sure Merle wasn't one of them and quietly left.

We were disappointed but not surprised to find the nursing home abandoned. It had been 14 months and food and medicine would have run out not only at the nursing home but the surrounding area. Many of the old ones probably passed away. There wasn't as much walker activity in the city, nothing like before, but there was also little of value left even in the unburned parts. That left my personal errand. We circled the outskirts and headed for the expensive suburb where my parents lived.

It was deserted and by detouring around a couple of blocked streets we managed to drive right up to the front door. Daryl said it looked exactly like I described it. Inside, the house had been looted but not wrecked. Food, clothes, medicine. That's what people were after. Antique furniture was expensive firewood and not worth hauling away. When I opened the hidden floor safe in my mother's closet the same stuff was there as when I checked the house before leaving Atlanta the first time, including the note telling them which way I was heading. I wrote another note telling them I was at Stonehill with other survivors. I doubted if I would go back to check again.

I found Daryl in the opposite wing looking around my old suite.

"Déjà vu," he said. "I feel like we really did have that other life a long time ago."

"Our worlds just collided. It's like a Fringe event."

My rooms weren't very messed up. The bathroom was ransacked but I didn't have many clothes here so there wasn't much to interest whoever came through.

"Come on," I told Daryl. "We can get back to Stonehill tonight after all."

"What's the hurry? We were planning on staying at the nursing home if anyone was still there. We could stay here instead."

He was eyeing the bed and I knew what he was thinking. I went to the closet, rummaged around and held up my old swim team Speedo. "Want me to try it on?"

Daryl licked his lips and nodded.

I was embarrassed when I emerged from the closet because I'd filled out since high school. Not through the hips and ass but let's just say it was tighter in front than I remembered even though the material was thin and stretchy.

"Looks a little uncomfortable," Daryl said. He palmed the front and rubbed and then it was a lot more uncomfortable because my cock was trying to erect sideways and my balls were scrunched up. It was a relief when Daryl reached in to adjust me and then sucked me off through the Speedo.

The next morning I took some stuff from my room and a few things throughout the house. Daryl was standing in front of a curio cabinet. "Is this the famous bowl?" he asked.

"Yep. You want it?"

"Yeah. Would your mom have thrown it? Would your dad have dropped it?"

I shook my head. "Only in our dreams."

Back at Stonehill I discovered that the bowl wasn't the only thing Daryl took. I found the Speedo stuffed in his pocket.

* * *

Daryl

You and Glenn and Garry are at a swap meet. It's in a local gymnasium and since it's the kind of small meet held every two weeks, no one else from Stonehill came along this time. Garry is restless after being indoors all morning so you take him outside to expend some kid energy. He heads for the parking lot where there are cars and trucks and horses with carts. Garry likes horsies. A car rolls up slowly and stops. A woman is driving. She and a man get out. You're not close enough to see them clearly but they move like they're old or sick or injured, especially the man. Garry is ahead of you, running and laughing, and you're just about to call out to him to be careful not to knock people down when the woman gasps, "Glenn."

You're close enough now to see that they're Asian and you just know that worlds are about to collide again. Garry is startled when a strange woman reaches for him. He turns to you calling, "Daddy" and you pick him up.

The man makes a slight bow and says, "Apologies. Your boy looks like our son when he was a child."

This isn't how you expected to meet the parents. By now you didn't figure on meeting them at all except in the stories you and Glenn tell each other. But even though you didn't expect it you're not all that surprised either because against all odds this is the kind of shit that happens in this new world. Chance meetings, unexpected reunions. Even with seven years gone by these people look older and frailer than Glenn described them but you have no doubt who they are.

"Gene and Lois Rhee?"

They nod, questions and hope mingling in their eyes.

"Your son Glenn is inside. This is your grandson Garry."

Gene looks like he might drop. Lois takes his arm.

"Come inside and sit down." You take Gene's other arm. Lois is feasting her eyes on Garry riding your hip.

"He called you 'Daddy'."

"Yeah, he does that. He's five." You're not about to hit them with the real reason Garry calls you 'Daddy.' "I'm Daryl Dixon. Glenn and Garry and I are with a group at Stonehill. He told us about you. You found his messages at your house?"

Lois nods.

You lead them to the stand where Glenn has just finished a transaction. He sets the trade goods behind him. Garry says, "Daddy" and Glenn turns with a smile that changes to open-mouthed astonishment when he sees his folks. Nothing like an apocalypse for wiping out hard feelings because there's no lingering resentment as he embraces them. Gene and Lois don't seem disapproving of their son either although Garry might have something to do with it.

We get them settled with tea and juice. Garry is shy until Glenn explains that these are his grandparents. Garry probably doesn't understand because to him Grandpa is Dale back at Stonehill. But he's the sweetest kid in the world and is content to sit in Lois' lap.

The Rhee's were in Chicago when the outbreak happened. It was an unplanned business trip and they didn't let Glenn know because they were only going to be gone three days. In those first days when power and privilege still meant something, their wealth got them to a relatively safe compound outside Chicago. Travel was difficult if not impossible and if you left there was no guarantee that you'd be readmitted. News arrived about other areas. Atlanta was overrun. The city was burned out and the CDC was gone. By the time the Wildfire threat eased up Gene was exhibiting symptoms that could be half a dozen things that could no longer be accurately diagnosed or effectively treated. He was sick on and off so they stayed put until a few months ago. News had trickled in of survivors in the Deep South. The country was reverting to an agrarian society. Gene seemed to be in remission and he said it was time to try for Atlanta. The unspoken words are that he hoped to find out what happened to his son before he got any worse. Travel isn't as dangerous now but long distances take awhile because gas isn't always available and other transportation is slow. They stopped by chance at this swap meet to eat and rest before going on to Stonehill.

Glenn

We bring my parents home to Stonehill. They have rooms in the main building. They were glad to see me but I redeemed myself forever with Garry. My father is very ill and I know he's going to die soon. I'm just grateful that they found me in time. A difficult relationship with my parents and not knowing what became of them wasn't going to ruin the rest of my life but closure is good.

I wanted to tell them about Daryl and me but Daryl said not to. He's sure that my mother knows we're more than housemates and it's not necessary to talk about it, especially since my father is so sick. But eventually I discuss it with Mom. She brings it up by giving me the huge rock Dad gave her for their 15th wedding anniversary. It was the first time they had serious money and Mom only had a wedding band before. That's all she wants now.

"Keep this for Garry," Mom says. "He can give it to the mother of his children. Easier and less painful than a tattoo."

"You noticed Daryl and me ..."

"Of course. I am not a fool."

"Does it bother you?"

"You have given me a grandson. You can do as you wish. Daryl Dixon will protect you and Garry."

"It's not one-sided. We've saved each other."

"Yes, but he would die if necessary so that you could live and care for Garry."

"I'd do the same."

"The difference is that he wouldn't allow that sacrifice from you."

She's right.

On Mom's first visit to The Outpost her sharp eyes notice the bowl. "I saw that it was missing from the house. I am glad it wasn't broken or stolen."

"Daryl liked it so I said he could have it."

"He has good taste."

I don't tell Mom why Daryl likes the bowl but she must realize he didn't take it for culture because she adds, "Unless he uses it as a spittoon."

Mom is happy that Garry has friends his age. She knows that Judy was born at Stonehill and Garry arrived when he was two months old. Susan's father died before she was born. Stephanie was a stranger who helped deliver Susan and adopted her when Susan's mother died a week later. They met Teddy and his parents on the road. They had heard there were other children at Stonehill and they came here so their kids could have friends.

I show Mom to Garry's room with the closet full of clothes and shelves stacked with toys, games, puzzles, models. I wasn't a deprived kid but my parents didn't believe in too many material possessions, even when I was a teenager and they could afford it.

"Daryl goes overboard 'shopping' for Garry," I tell her. "All the kids have this stuff but they have chores and lessons, too. They're not really spoiled." I'm justifying our son's possessions because I assumed Mom would think we're being too extravagant but I've underestimated the paradigm shift that occurs with being a grandparent.

Mom looks around approvingly. "Daryl Dixon is a good provider."

I roll my eyes. Now I'm third behind my son and my redneck partner! Mom doesn't openly acknowledge our relationship but she appreciates Daryl's contributions. I'm 30 and a father but I'm sure she still thinks of me as young and irresponsible. Then one day she goes hunting with us and watches me take down a deer with my crossbow. Daryl and I carry it back to Stonehill and dress it out. Mom looks impressed and tells me later that she's proud to have raised a son who turned into such a man. Yeah, Mom, thanks for those hunting lessons you made me take when I wanted to practice the piano instead. Okay, it was nice to hear that from her even if it was more about her than me.

But nothing lasts forever. Just when we're all settling down together, Mom starts coughing up blood.

The day after my mother is buried Daryl asks how I'm doing.

"I'm not sure I can feel loss any more. Maybe I can't feel anything."

His hand is slowly scratching my back. "I bet I can make you feel something."

And he proceeds to make love to me although Daryl wouldn't call it that. But I can still feel after all and I know what love feels like.

Afterward he asks carefully, "You all right?"

"I am, now. Thank you."

"Made you feel good, huh?"

"You always do."

"Plenty more where that came from. Just let me know."

I bite his ear then kiss it. He pinches my nipple and licks it. Our mating ritual is complete. We sleep.

Daryl

Garry comes to bed with you and Glenn when he doesn't feel well or is worried about something. He crawls between you for comfort and sometimes you don't know he's there until morning when he wakes up and wants a tickle fight. He knows his dad is upset about Nana Rhee dying and Garry himself is a little sad although he doesn't completely understand what it means. This morning you wake up to find Glenn between you and Garry as if Garry realized his dad was the one who needed comfort this time.

"Are you better, Daddy?" he asks anxiously.

"I will be," Glenn replies with a smile. "As soon as I win the tickle fight."

* * *

Garry

I don't really remember Dad's parents, especially Grandpa Rhee. They came to Stonehill when I was five. I have flashes of memory, sitting by Grandpa Rhee's bed or playing on the floor of his room. Dad tells me he liked to watch me. One day he asked me to lie beside him. I think we took a nap. Then lots of people came in and Daryl took me away. Dad and Nana Rhee stayed and Grandpa Rhee died a little later, three weeks after he found Dad again.

I remember Nana Rhee a little better. She held me and sang Korean lullabies. She died a few months later from a perforated ulcer. I feel bad that I can't remember much but Dad says it's more important that they knew I existed and got to meet me. Nana Rhee left me her diamond ring. I wonder if I'll give it to Judy or Susan someday.


	42. Flirtation

Glenn

"I think I have a problem with premature ejaculation."

"No, you don't." Daryl sounds confident but I'm not so sure.

"I come too fast. I always have."

"First time your trigger is a little quick but you last longer after that."

"I feel like I should have more control. I'm 30."

"This is a talk that only needs to happen if one of us is a woman."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I'm not some female you need to coax along and hold back for."

"So it's that way with all girls, not just the ones I slept with?"

"Pretty much. Once in a while one of 'em would be ready when I was but mostly I remember 20 years of timing myself to them. I don't miss that."

"But maybe it's better if you don't come right away. It builds up and the experience is more sensual."

"What the fuck have you been reading?"

"An article in an old Cosmo about tantric sex."

"Men shouldn't read shit like that. It's bad enough that women do."

"It was interesting. And it made some good points."

"You really want to try this sometime?"

"Yes."

"Okay." Daryl sounds resigned.

"You mean it? You'll be serious about it?"

"Sure. I've got 13 years on you. I can take my time."

Two days later Garry is with Dale and Andrea. The 'grandkids' take turns sleeping over every month or so. Dale loves playing grandpa and Andrea enjoys being a temporary mom. I think she would have liked to have a child but it didn't happen.

I'm cleaning the kitchen and setting up for breakfast when Daryl calls out, "That kitchen is clean enough, kid."

When I reach our room he's stretched out on his side with his back to me, naked except for socks. I can't decide if it's cute or sexy. He looks over his shoulder. "Wanna try that experiment you were talking about?"

I'm pleased that Daryl remembered even though he thinks it's BS.

Daryl

You and Glenn are in bed not having sex. You're going along with it not because you're a pushover for anything he asks but because you love him and you want him to be happy and if he's worried about his performance and thinks this ritual is the answer, well, you'll try most anything once.

It's pretty nice, actually, just laying together as you do after sex only without the sex this time. It sounds wrong when you think of it like that because cuddling and afterglow are two more things you don't miss with women. After the main event you and Glenn almost always talk a little and laugh about filthy stuff that pops into your minds ... Well, damn. For years you've been happily doing with Glenn what always seemed like a chore to be got through with women so you usually just got up and left to avoid it.

Glenn loops his arms around your neck and kisses you. You wrap him up and return it purely for the pleasure of the kiss not because of what it would normally lead to. You're both getting hard but you're pressed together and not moving in order to discourage climax. After a bit Glenn starts squirming and you hold him still. He tells you he needs to slow down so you reach between and squeeze the swollen head of his cock and he softens slightly and relaxes. A little later you need a squeeze yourself and Glenn needs a second one, firmer this time.

It's not long before he whispers, "I need to come."

"It's only been six minutes. You sure?"

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea."

"I had my doubts."

"But you agreed because you wanted me to come to the realization on my own?"

"Or not come."

"All right, I was wrong and this is stupid."

"Not stupid, it just doesn't apply to us."

"I forgot how much it hurts. Now, are you going to give me a hand or do I have to do this myself?"

"I was thinking mouth instead of hand but you choose."

He pushes your head down so fast your ears almost pop.

Glenn

Daryl and I are eating dinner alone which we will be doing for the next two weeks. Breakfast too. Garry is eight now and he's gone to stay with Merle, Dana and Benny so the cousins can get to know each other. Benny is two years younger but he's big for his age and Garry is a little small so they almost match size-wise. Benny is unaware of the different flavors of Asian and looks up to Garry as a ninja in training. Garry is pleased by the idea.

Daryl and I are in our underwear and tee shirts as we often are in the evenings. We shower when we come home and since it's a male household pants are optional after that. I worry sometimes that Garry won't be fit for company after being raised by two men but he gets the female influence at school and community lunch.

We haven't spoken but not because we're too busy eating. I haven't made much headway and even Daryl who usually cleans his plate like a five year old bribed with dessert is pushing his fork around more than he's putting it in his mouth. It's not that we have nothing to say to each other, it's just that we're so used to talking with Garry at dinnertime. He tells us about his lessons and we tell him about our day. I wonder if Garry misses us tonight. Probably not. He's eating with Merle, Dana and Benny and they're having a happy noisy time.

As Daryl glances up I say, "It's quiet."

"Too quiet." Daryl half smiles as he finishes the quote.

"I'm hungry."

Daryl looks at my mostly untouched plate with one raised eyebrow. I slide down the chair and under the table. Daryl pushes his chair back so I can lean on his thighs without bumping my head.

"Hungry?" he asks skeptically.

"I meant thirsty."

I've given Daryl hundreds of blow jobs and I know every centimeter of his cock and balls. When he's not with me I can close my eyes and feel him, smell him, taste him. But there's no substitute for the real thing. He's thick in my hands even though he isn't erect yet. My thumb slips the foreskin back and forth. It's odd that all three of us are uncircumcised. I asked Daryl once why his parents passed on it and he said it was an extra expense. He said he has plenty of scars and didn't need his dick skinned besides. I had a urinary problem right after I was born so circumcision was put off and it just never got done. Hershel probably didn't feel equal to performing that delicate cut on his grandson.

I blow lightly on the exposed head and Daryl's eyes roll up. As he gets closer his hands grip my head harder, moving it in counterpoint to his thrusts. After he finishes his hands pet my hair in silent apology if he was too rough. He wasn't. Or if he was I didn't notice.

Daryl pulls me up to straddle him and reaches between my legs. I'm a little embarrassed when he feels my damp underwear and limp cock.

"Didn't need any help, huh?" he asks teasingly.

"You helped," I reply. "I was watching while you came and that's all it took."

"Is this how we're gonna pass the time until we get our kid back?"

"Do you object?"

"Nope. But if we want a break it's been almost a year since we took the bike out."

"This weekend?" I'm excited at the thought.

Daryl nods. "Sunday afternoon. It's a date."

I can't help grinning. "Our dates usually end like this anyway."

"I'm counting on it."

"You know, I'm kind of hungry after all."

So is Daryl. He warms up the plates and we finish dinner.

Four days later we're blasting down the dusty gravel road on Daryl's motorcycle which has been lovingly, one might even say obsessively, maintained. He could have upgraded for free but he likes working on his old familiar bike. I appreciate that kind of loyalty. And the fact that he let me drive even though the bitch seat is not Daryl's favorite position.

I'm looking for the right spot. These annual outings have provided us with some of our best adventures, beginning with the first one when I blew Daryl in the middle of the highway as the sun was going down. We usually go far enough that there's no chance of seeing someone from Stonehill out for a walk but today after only a couple of miles I pull into a hay field with old-fashioned haystacks.

"Aw, man, that shit scratches," Daryl grumbles. As usual, he already knows what I have in mind.

"Don't worry, you'll be on top."

Daryl

Merle's truck pulls into Stonehill midafternoon. Merle is driving with Benny next to him, then Dana, and Garry is hanging out the passenger window waving and yelling. You would bet the boys started out next to each other and had to be separated after a while. You recall road trips with your family before things got bad. Even though Merle was so much older, you couldn't ride more than an hour in the back seat together. First pa would flail his arm over the back seat and get pissed because he couldn't reach you. If you didn't settle down the next step was pulling over so ma could swap with one of you.

Garry jumps out and runs to you and Glenn. He's bouncing around like he needs to pee but it's excitement not a bladder issue. He's practically incoherent with conflicting information ... he missed us ... he had the best time ever ... he's happy to be home ... can he go back again ... or maybe Benny can stay with us. Apparently it was a successful visit. You're so damned glad to see him. You hug him tight and then leave him to his dad and go say hello to your brother and his family.

"Garry behave himself?" you ask a little gruffly because you're having trouble with your voice.

"Polite as anything the first couple of days," Merle replies. "But he learns quick and after that he fit right in."

Benny has climbed over his mom so he can be by the window, leaving Dana free to elbow Merle. "He's a very dear little boy," she assures you. And then, "Why don't you come to Eden and Carl's for dinner tonight?" Carl moved into a small house up the road last year and Eden joined him a few months later.

"I ground up some corn meal and Dana made chips," Merle says. "You know what that means."

"Nachos!" Benny shouts.

You tousle his hair. He's a cute kid and better behaved than he has any right to be considering his father. Although Merle has reformed considerably. Benny looks like a Dixon but hopefully has enough of Dana to offset the personality defects. He's a towhead now but will probably darken to your light brown or his father's darker brown which has turned mostly gray.

"Sorry to miss it but we're gonna have a welcome home dinner with Garry," you tell them.

"Eden probably has dinner planned anyway," Dana says. "We'll wait and have nachos for community lunch tomorrow."

You take Garry's bag and they drive off. You and Glenn have a surprise for your son. You go in and show him his new bedroom furniture. It's bunk beds with a double bed on the bottom and a single on top. There's steps instead of a ladder and drawers to store his stuff. Judging by Garry's reaction, Teddy will be asked to sleep over soon.

It was a long day for Garry and he fades fast after dinner. He goes to bed early but asks for a story and then drops off right away. You and Glenn don't want to leave him yet and the new bed is comfy. Might as well try it out all night.


	43. Encounters

Daryl

Garry is asleep and you and Glenn are in the bathroom. You're brushing your teeth and he's sitting naked on the toilet lid with one foot on the edge of the tub clipping his toenails. You're pretty sure you wouldn't consider that sexy with anyone else. His hair is wet from the shower and a few drops slide down his back. You watch them roll over each knob of his spine. By the time you rinse the toothpaste one drop is nearly to his ass. You catch it on your tongue and lick a path up his back to the others.

He turns to ask, "Seriously? I've got two left. Can I finish?"

"I'll do it." You move to the edge of the tub, pull his foot onto your knee and take the clippers from him.

He slides his other foot up the leg of your boxers. His toes prod your balls. You watch his cock swell and lift and feel your own doing the same. He runs his foot along the length from base to tip and bumps it with the sole of his foot. It tickles him. His foot jerks and he laughs. When he pulls his foot out there are damp marks from the wet head of your cock.

You and Glenn are going through a period when you can't get enough of each other. Your sex life is always fairly active but every few months there are a few days when it ramps up. This is one of those times. It's been four days and you'll probably be slowing the pace again soon. But it's really something while it lasts.

The next morning you know it's over because you feel affection but no desire. In fact, your dick hurts. You're over 40 now and it takes longer to come and the almost constant stimulation has chafed your cock. Glenn has a different problem. When you lean over to kiss him your arm brushes his chest and he winces. His nipples are sore. You're sorry you were rough but he dismisses it because it didn't hurt at the time and he'll be fine the next day.

"Do you wish I had breasts? Because in a few years and a few pounds I might have man boobs."

You don't think that will happen. Glenn has a nice chest and decent pecs. Nothing to get in the way of his nipples and you're fascinated by them. No, you really don't miss tits at all.

* * *

Glenn

Our son is six and doesn't read yet. I know that's not unusual but I was reading when I was five and I don't know things about his mother like when she started to read. Daryl said he didn't read until he was eight but that was because he skipped school a lot when he was younger. Daryl says leave Garry alone and don't act like it's a big deal and he'll be fine. I want to think that Daryl is too nonchalant and doesn't care enough but I know he's right and that I'm going to be the worrier and Daryl is going to be the voice of reason. That means we should average out to be good parents.

Garry has a double bed. He doesn't need all that space but Daryl and I read to him at night so there's room for all of us on the bed. When we're finished we tuck him in and leave the door ajar. In the hallway Daryl's mouth is suddenly on mine urgently. He hurries me into our room and pushes the door closed with one foot and still lip-locked we fall on the bed with our arms around each other. Then Daryl's hands are between us, opening our pants and freeing our cocks and we're moving together. I'm enjoying it but Daryl's intensity is a little surprising. He comes before I do but his hand is still stroking me and a minute later he starts thrusting again and comes a second time just after my first. He's panting and looks pretty wiped out, as well he should.

"Not that I'm complaining, because I loved it, but what just happened?"

Daryl looks embarrassed. "Sometimes after watching Garry I can't wait to fuck you. If we could have a baby I guess I'd be trying to get you pregnant so we could have another kid like Garry."

"That's kind of hot. Do you want more children? Because if you do, it's your turn to sleep with a woman."

"Garry is all we need. I just feel crazy sometimes and that's all I could figure it might be."

"Biological imperative to reproduce. It's kept humans from dying out for millions of years."

"The two of us aren't going to be reproducing."

"But the urge to fuck continues." I hesitate. I was joking before but now I'm not. "Seriously, Daryl, if you would like a child, we can see about making that happen."

"Naw, I meant it when I said Garry is enough. Thing is, I'd want any kid of mine to look like you and we've got Garry so we're covered."

"It would be a shame if your DNA dies out. Mankind's gene pool needs your blue eyes."

"Merle's son has them and the Dixon name."

"Benjamin. Does Merle know what it means?"

"Yeah, Dana told him. 'Son of my right hand' or 'Son of the south.' Who knew she had such a sense of humor?"

The next evening Daryl tells me he saw Garry with a book in the afternoon and his lips were moving like maybe he was trying to sound out words. But when Daryl asked him he said he was just looking at the pictures. At bedtime Garry looks so happy when Daryl and I get on the bed with him that I have a sudden suspicion.

"Do you really want Daryl and me to read? Because we don't have to if you're tired."

Garry's eyes go wide with disappointment. "I want a story," he protests. "I like you to read."

"You know, when you learn to read, we'll still read together. We'll just take turns so sometimes you'll read to us."

Garry nods. "Okay."

"Do you know how to read? Maybe a little?"

Garry looks shifty. There's no other word for it. He must have got that from Daryl. "I learned this afternoon," he says innocently, obviously remembering that Daryl saw him with a book.

Daryl snorts. Garry giggles. I can't help smiling. "Right now," I tell Daryl, "he's definitely your son."

* * *

Garry

MY NAME IS GARRY RHEE. I AM 6 YEARS OLD. I LIVE AT STONEHILL.

Carol is teacher this week. She says use little letters. Big letters are for begining sentences and names. But I do not have to start over.

My daddy is Glenn and my other daddy is Daryl. He says call him Daryl but he ansers if I call him daddy. My mommy and grandpa died when I was little. I have Grandpa Dale and ants, uncles and cuzzins. I have lessons with my frends Judy and Teddy and Susan. Today we are writing about our self.

I know all letters and numbers. I print but I want to write curse so Daddy and Daryl can curse in front of me. Daryl forgets sometimes and Daddy says be careful.

Carol says I will learn to write cursive. Curse is something I should not learn. She says we will work on spelling tomorrow.

I can read but I did not tell Daddy and Daryl because I like them to read to me. They found out and now we take turns.

Carol says finish because it is lunchtime. Daryl is cook today. After lunch Daddy and me work in the garden. Then we go home with Daryl. The end.

* * *

Glenn

Garry is sleeping at Teddy's tonight. He lives up the road. They're both 14 and they've been friends since they were three. There still aren't a lot of people around but our community has expanded in the past few years.

As we walk home I tell Daryl, "Our resident teen is out of the house tonight. You know what that means."

"Sofa sex."

"Also table, floor, wherever we want."

"Is my back going to hurt tomorrow?"

"If we're lucky and we do it right, both of us will hurt."

Daryl

You and Glenn are on the sofa. It's long and wide but not big enough for two unless you don't mind being close. So you're fine. Glenn is exploring your hair. Every part of your body that has hair, actually. You're not very hairy but you have more body hair than Glenn does and he's always been interested in yours.

The hair on your head is as messy as always. You think it might be slightly thinner than 10 years ago but it's not receding and there's no male pattern baldness. There are a few gray hairs but it's not noticeable yet. You've kept the scruffy chin, don't call it a goatee, because Glenn likes a little beard burn. He also likes your arms around him and your chest against his nipples, your belly and legs against his cock and his nose in your armpits and groin even when you're sweaty. Maybe especially then.

Glenn is close to the edge. Of the sofa, that is. You lift him and settle him on top of you again.

Garry

My parents are doing it in the living room. I use that sofa, too! And now I won't be able to sit on it without thinking of them. Okay, I wasn't supposed to be home tonight but still, no one needs to see that. Not your parents anyway. Strangers would be all right because I could use a few pointers. And it would be good if it was a man and woman because that's got to be different than two men and I'm not gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I got that line from watching an old sitcom DVD box set. My dads are gay and I can't imagine them with anyone but each other although I know they both slept with girls at some point. Well, I'm here, aren't I?

I was supposed to be at Teddy's house but we had a fight about girls, big surprise, and I came home to sneak in the back door. It's past midnight and Dad and Daryl aren't in bed asleep like I thought they'd be. I can't let them know I'm here. I haven't actually seen or heard anything but I know what's happening from low laughs and their tone of voice. I'm going back to Teddy's. Even if I have to apologize it's better than this.

I knock on the window before climbing into Teddy's room.

"You scared of the dark?" he asks like the dick he is. "Want me to walk you home?"

"I was home but I couldn't stay."

"Why not?"

"Didn't leave my window unlatched and I couldn't go through the house."

"Why not?"

"Dad and Daryl were up."

"So tell them you were an asshole to me and go to bed."

"They were up in more than one way."

Teddy gets it. "No shit. Right in the living room?"

"Yeah. Dad's almost 40 and Daryl is past 50!"

"My folks are over 40. They might still have sex."

"But you don't know for sure. I mean, I knew mine still liked each other. I didn't need proof."

"You know," Teddy says, "This is good info to have. We've been thinking we've got 15, maybe 20 years, to have sex. It might be double that!" He suddenly deflates. "Unless they only do it like once a year. When you're not around."

I'm thinking back to why I assumed Dad and Daryl would be in bed. It's because they don't stay up late very often. And their door is almost always closed. I smile at Teddy. "No, you're right. We've got a lot to look forward to."

Garry

After I caught my dads in the living room I started paying attention and I can't believe I never noticed how often they have sex. Sure, it's not like jerking off morning and night but they're pretty old and they do it a lot. And even if they're not doing it every time I think they might be, it's several times a week. It feels kind of skeevy to be checking out their sex life but it's really sex in general. Teddy is interested, too. How else are we going to find out?

I got 'the talk' a couple of years ago. Dad was tight and Daryl was loose. That's how they are about a lot of things. It's not that Dad is embarrassed. I can talk to him about anything. He just wants to be a good father and it makes him a little intense sometimes. Daryl seems more relaxed but then he'll get wound up about something and Dad is the calm one. I can talk to Daryl about anything, too, but it's funny because there's stuff I'd rather ask Dad about and other stuff I go to Daryl with. Then they tell each other, and I know they do. I guess I talk to the one that will be better at telling the other one what I said.

Since I was little my dads have told me about my mother and grandfather whenever I asked. Dad usually talks about Maggie and Daryl about Hershel and they added more detail as I got older.

"He cheated on you," I said to Daryl once. "With a girl!"

Daryl just laughed. "You wouldn't be here if he hadn't. And who's sleeping with him 15 years later?"

"She's dead."

"Wouldn't matter. She was your mom and I'm sorry she didn't make it but if she lived you'd be from a broken home."

I don't miss having a mother. I feel like I had a lot of mothers. Carol, Lori, Andrea, even Sophia. And the men were all fathers in a way. They told me I called everyone mommy or daddy when I first started to talk. By the time I was two I just called Dad and Daryl daddy. Even now I call both of them Dad if I'm with one at a time but it's too confusing if we're all together. I asked Daryl if he minded me calling him Daryl instead of Dad when we're with Glenn. He said, "Look in the mirror. We don't need a DNA test to know which of us is to blame for you."

He says shit like that but his eyes crinkle at the corners like he's smiling and he always introduces me as his son. And today he's tattooing  **아들**  on my chest like I've been begging him to do for a year.

"Will Dad be mad? He wanted me to wait another year before you started inking me up."

"He knows. Where do you think I got the symbol for 'son'?"

Suddenly Dad is there looking over Daryl's shoulder. "I've taught him a few things over the years but Korean isn't one of them."

"What did you teach Daryl?" I ask.

Dad thinks for a moment before he finally comes up with, "Chess."

Daryl laughs. "Yeah, he's old enough for a tat but not near old enough to know what else I learned from you."

They're gonna jump each other tonight. I can tell.


	44. Flashpoint

Garry

Sunday afternoon with nothing to do so the dads and I are loafing in loungers on the back porch. They're drinking homemade beer and since I'm 15 they let me have some. As opposed to me and Teddy sneaking it. It's not very strong anyway.

"Tell me how you met."

"You know how we met," Dad replies.

"I've heard the story before but not for years. You could give me details now."

"We're not telling you about our sex life."

"Please? Because it's every kid's dream to know so he can be scarred for life." I'm not sure who I learned sarcasm from. "I meant the walkers and people dying. You glossed over that part."

They look at each other with that wordless communication I've seen between them forever. Daryl shrugs and Dad nods. "Where do you want to start?" he asks.

"I know you met at the quarry and you got there first. So you start."

"Atlanta got overrun right away when Wildfire started. It wasn't called that yet, that's the code name we learned later at the CDC. One morning it was on the news and a few dead were walking and the next day it was bedlam. I threw some stuff in a backpack and went to Scooter's for one of the mopeds we used to deliver pizza. The streets were choked from the evacuation but I could move around the gridlock and I knew all the shortcuts so I got out of the city pretty fast. Traffic was stalled, there were pileups blocking the lanes. Some people were turning while I watched. I wanted to get off the interstate but I didn't know where to go after that. The nearest exit was blocked by an overturned semi and there wasn't enough space to get vehicles around it. Then I saw an RV that had gotten off ahead of the semi and was headed up the ramp. I followed. It wasn't long before we were out in the country. I was staying back because even though a walker couldn't be driving, it might be somebody who had been bit and not died yet. Then I ran out of gas and had to take a chance or be left behind. I started running and waving my arms but I didn't yell because I already knew that noise got the walkers' attention. I hoped the driver would see me in the side mirror before I was out of sight."

Daryl snorted. "I'm surprised you didn't outrun that rolling tin can."

I laughed. "Grandpa Dale's sacred cow." It's been a joke all my life. Dale died last year after a stroke a couple of years before that. He's the only grandfather I've ever known.

"That's right," Dad continued. "Well, he saw me and stopped and when I caught up to him he said 'Son, you're welcome aboard if you haven't been infected.' I told him I wasn't and he said he couldn't just take my word for it. I told him I couldn't prove it unless I stripped and he said go ahead. For a second I wondered if he was some old pervert but it was a logical request so I did it. He let me keep my underwear on. Then he told me to go around to the side door."

"And that's when you found out that the old guy had hot chicks with him," I said.

"Let's call them Andrea and Amy but, yeah, they were hot. I thought they were his daughters and they were on a family vacation, but he had rescued them in Atlanta. They were headed to a nearby quarry for water. Other survivors had the same idea. The Morales family was there. Jim, Jacqui and T-Dog. Shane showed up with Lori and Carl. Ed, Carol and Sophia were with them. This was before Rick came back from the dead. And before the Dixon brothers came along."

"Take it away, Daryl," I tell my other dad.

"Merle and I lived outside Benford. You've seen the place. Small town, isolated, so it was different when the outbreak happened. It didn't seem like a big deal at first. Nobody believed what the news was saying. We figured it was some kind of weird thing that made dead bodies seem like they were still alive. You know how body gases make sounds and rigor mortis can make limbs jerk. Rumors got exaggerated or the media stirred things up trying to give their ratings a boost. But a few days later the dead started walking in Benford and suddenly everybody was a believer. We loaded the motorcycle onto the truck and took our weapons and camping equipment and a bunch of supplies and went to a little cabin. The last we heard the government was working on it. That should have been our clue that the country was in deep shit but we figured we'd camp out a few weeks and it'd all be over. Supplies started running low and we hadn't heard any news so we came out of hiding and found out it was worse, not better. There was looting and hoarding by then so it was hard to restock. When we came across the group at the quarry we decided there was safety in numbers. Everywhere was so overrun that you had to keep watch day and night plus hunt or fish and that wasn't easy with just the two of us. So we stayed."

"But you and Dad didn't get together right away."

"Nope, Merle and me kept our distance. It's not news to you that your uncle was an asshole back then. An addicted asshole."

"So I've heard from everyone including him but I haven't seen it myself."

"Well, he mellowed."

"Tell me about when you first saw each other. Did you know something was going to happen?"

They look at each other again and shake their heads.

Dad continues. "One morning I left early to sack Atlanta. Contrary to legend I didn't always go alone. Morales or T-Dog usually went with me to help carry stuff if I got a good haul. They kept watch on the outskirts so it's true that I went into the city alone. I could get in and out, quick and quiet.

"Meanwhile back at the ranch," Daryl says, "Merle and I reached the quarry before noon. We were there for water same as everybody else but when we saw the set-up we decided to stick for awhile. It made sense plus Merle had seen Andrea and thought he was in love."

"Merle and Andrea!"

"I didn't say it was mutual. In fact nobody was glad to see us at first. We were rough looking and Merle was loud and obnoxious. But they warmed up when we shared a good haunch of venison. We set up camp and I went out for squirrels. I already knew I'd have to compensate for Merle. They needed food and I could provide it. I'd met everybody but your Dad and Morales. They came back late in the afternoon."

Dad takes up the story again. "First thing I noticed was the motorcycle. It was like my moped had grown up and taken steroids. There was also an old truck and a nice tent so I knew more people had arrived. And then I saw a stranger by the fire stirring something in a big pot."

"It was Daryl!"

"No, it was Merle and he didn't even look up. Another man came out of the tent and saw me and said, 'What are you starin' at, Chinaman?' I told him I was Korean and he kind of sneered at me so I went away."

"That was your first look at each other and you acted like that to Dad?"

"Merle wasn't the only Dixon asshole in camp," Daryl replied.

"Yeah, Daryl had a mean streak until I fucked it out of him."

Daryl and I look at each other because Dad doesn't talk like that in front of me even now that I'm older and have been known to curse occasionally myself.

"Better slow down on the beer," Daryl tells him. "Your tongue is loose enough."

"You like my tongue," Dad says.

Daryl laughs. "Well, yeah, but we don't wanna shock the boy."

"He's almost a man," Dad says a little sadly. "Not a little boy anymore. But he's still our son. He's old enough to know this stuff."

I say to Daryl, "An hour ago he wasn't going to tell me about your sex life."

"Your Dad has never been able to hold his liquor, not even beer."

"I'm not drunk, I'm just remembering," Dad says dreamily. "Tell Garry what you thought when you saw me."

"I shot the squirrels so Merle skinned 'em and made stew. I was getting the tent organized and when I came out there was a little Asian kid looking at us."

"But Dad was 23."

"He looked younger plus he had on a backpack and a cap and he just looked like a kid to me. All day I'd been hearing about this guy Glenn who went foraging in Atlanta alone but nobody said what he looked like and I had a picture in my mind."

"You thought he'd be like you and Merle."

"I guess so. And when I saw him I could tell he wasn't somebody I'd be getting to know so I made sure he was aware of that right away."

"Oh, the irony. So you didn't look in each other's eyes and know you were gay."

"Not hardly. But Merle told me years later that if he hadn't been high he would have picked up on something."

"Uncle Merle had gaydar?"

"So he thought. He says I kept watching your Dad while your Dad had this hero worship thing for me because of the tattoos and motorcycle and crossbow."

"But you called him a Chinaman!"

"That's how I knew he liked me." Dad had been so quiet I thought he might be sleeping but he was listening. "He called me 'Kid' too. I liked it."

"He still calls you Kid."

"I still like it. Wanna know what I call Daryl?"

I say, "Yes" at the same time Daryl says, "No."

Dad says, "I can't tell you. I promised."

If Dad's internal governor is working again I know he won't let it slip so I ask, "How did you get to know each other?"

"Merle left. Daryl was lonely so we became friends. And then we got friendly."

I look at Daryl. "Is he drunk or is it true?"

"Pretty much true. You know what happened to Merle. Your Dad was going to Atlanta again. I went hunting which I did a lot to get away from Merle who was using too much. Merle generally kept it under control because he had a regular supply. He was worried about running out and that made him tweak more and then he worried more. Vicious cycle. He'd had a local dealer near Benford but distribution was from Atlanta and he had an address so he went on the supply run to see if he could find anything. Seems like half the camp went along that day. Andrea wanted to get a birthday present for her sister. T-Dog went to keep an eye on Merle. Morales was helping your Dad. Jacqui didn't think Andrea should be the only woman with a bunch of men. It was a whole entourage plus Rick and the horse he rode in on and that was the problem. It turned into a cluster fuck."

"Everybody came home except Uncle Merle."

"And the next day your Dad, Rick and T went back with me. But Merle was gone, minus his hand, and I didn't see my brother for more than three years."

"But you had Dad."

"Not for a few more weeks."

"Was that the same time he got kidnapped by the vatos in the nursing home?"

"Yeah. We needed to pick up a bag of guns Rick had dropped but the street was full of walkers. They weren't active so your Dad thought he could run out and get the bag. He even had a back-up plan. He diagrammed it like he was Sun Tzu writing 'The Art of War.' I was impressed. He asked me to cover him and I let him get taken."

"Cover me," Dad says. "That could be taken two ways. And you didn't let me get taken. You got beat up."

"You were screaming my name while they stuffed you in that car."

Dad whispers to me, "He got me back because he liked hearing me scream his name."

I look at Daryl. "How drunk is he? Does he know what he's saying?"

"He's not that drunk," Daryl says. "He's just loose." Dad opens his mouth and Daryl says, "Don't say whatever you were gonna say about loose and tight." Dad closes his mouth.

The playfulness is nothing new, they've been like that as long as I can remember. But it was just funny, not innuendo. I kind of like this. It's like I'm grown up enough that they don't have to be so careful about sex stuff.

"So that's when you started hanging out?"

"That trip was the most time your Dad and me had spent together and I started wondering what was his story. He taught me chess and I showed him how to use the crossbow."

"How did you know it was more? When did you know?"

"I thought about him all the time," Dad says. "Not sex at first, just talking and playing chess and learning the crossbow. And when I started thinking other things I wasn't very happy because I didn't think it would ever happen. Until we looked at each other at the same time one day and we both knew. Something flashed between us."

I know that look. They've shared it a million times, at least four this afternoon alone.

"Did you know you were gay right away?"

"I thought I must be bi because I'd had girlfriends. But I wasn't interested in girls anymore until I met your mother. T-Dog had just died and then Carl got shot. It was a rough week and suddenly I wasn't sure of anything. I think it was meant to happen because how else could we have had you?"

"What about you, Daryl? Did you think you were bi?"

"No, I knew I was gay and figured I always had been but was so far in denial that I never questioned it before."

"How could you be so sure?"

"Only time I've ever been in love. Felt like I'd loved your Dad all my life and just didn't know it the first 36 years."

My throat feels a little tight. Daryl has never said stuff like this before. Well, he probably has to Dad, but not that anyone else could hear.

"I heard that. I love you, too. But Daryl said it first." Dad's eyes are closed but he's smiling.

Daryl is also smiling. He says to me, "I better put him to bed. He can sleep it off."

When Daryl starts to pick him up Dad protests that he can walk but Daryl says carrying will be faster so he drapes him over one shoulder and goes inside. I thought Daryl would put him on the bed and come back out but he doesn't. When I check a few minutes later I'm not surprised to see their bedroom door is closed. Okay, I admit I tiptoed down the hall and listened for a few seconds. I couldn't hear words, just low murmurs. Their voices sounded like that time I caught them on the sofa. I know what's going on and I'll leave them to it. I take some beer and go to find Judy and Susan. We'll walk down the road to Teddy's and maybe go to the creek or to the cave across the meadow.

I liked hearing how my dads got together. But what if there was no outbreak? Would they have met sometime? Would Dad have met my mother? Would Daryl still be in denial? Maybe we'll get drunk together again.

Daryl

You expect Glenn to hang on to you when you put him down and he doesn't disappoint. You're glad to join him because you don't often have the opportunity for afternoon delight. But he's worried.

"Did I embarrass him? Is our son scarred for life?"

"Yeah, Garry's going to need therapy. Good thing you're qualified to guide him through this trauma."

Glenn looks stricken. He's woozy enough to take you seriously so you go on. "Naw, he's fine. He's not such a delicate flower. Besides, it ended up being more about love than sex."

Reassured, Glenn drops off. You're sleepy as well so a nap sounds good.

An hour later Glenn wakes you up. "Cover me," he whispers. You obligingly roll on top of him. "Make me scream your name." That takes longer and it's a whimper not a scream but you're satisfied with the result. A minute later you're satisfied, period.


	45. Adolescent

Glenn

Garry is in bed asleep. I wait until Daryl and I are in bed before whispering, "Garry started ejaculating."

"How do you know?"

"I did laundry today. I know what a cum stain looks like."

"Yeah, you would. Shorts, sheets or sock?"

"Shorts. How old were you the first time? Or can you even remember since you were probably eight."

"I was 12. You?"

"I was 14. I told you I was a little late with puberty."

"Well, Garry is 13 so he's right on schedule."

"Should we say anything? Do anything?"

"Hell, no. He had the talk, he knows what happened. What would you do anyway?"

"I don't know. I was just asking."

"Even if all the cards hadn't rotted by now, do you think there's one for this occasion? 'Enjoy your ejaculation. Come again soon'."

"Or 'Wishing you deep sleep and wet dreams.' You're right, it's not a Hallmark moment."

"So we ignore it and you stop checking his underwear."

"I wasn't checking, it was a big crusty spot. I couldn't miss it."

"He shoots a load, huh? Just like his old man."

Garry

Judy says I'm a good kisser. It happened by accident but hey, it's a good rep to have.

We walked home after my 14th birthday party. Stonehill celebrates everyone's birthday. You get to pick the menu including dessert and it doesn't have to be cake. Teddy had already gone up the road with his parents. Susan and Stephanie have rooms in the main building. Walking home means about 50 yards to the Grimes' cottage which is first in the row. Dale and Andrea are in the second one and Carol moved to the main building so Sophia and Duane could have the third one for them and their little boy. The last cottage is The Outpost.

Before she went inside Judy kissed me and I was so surprised my mouth fell open. Then I kissed her back and our tongues touched and apparently that's what's supposed to be going on so that's how I became a good kisser. To be honest the tongue thing felt weird at first. I mean, tongues are wet blobs with taste buds. How is that sexy? But there must be nerve endings too because it started feeling good the second time when I kissed Judy a few days later.

But everything got crazy after that because Teddy saw us and he was mad because Judy kissed him first a couple of months ago which he never mentioned. So he kissed Susan and I felt bad because then I knew I wanted to kiss her first. We've always been friends and suddenly none of us liked each other very much. Or maybe too much.

No wonder Dad and Daryl don't kiss if it causes this much trouble. Okay, I know they kiss in private but they only kiss in public on New Year's Eve. It's been a joke as long as I can remember. It started the first year after the outbreak at a place called Prentiss Produce where the group wintered. The annual kiss is now a tradition.

I guess they could tell something was wrong because Dad asked me and I snapped at him and Daryl told me I wasn't too old to wallop so I went to my room and slammed the door. Daryl wanted to take the door off the hinges but Dad said I was just being a surly teen and to leave me alone for awhile. They must have talked to the other parents because we all got the same speech. 'We're here if you want to talk but if you don't talk to us at least talk to each other.'

Which we did eventually and that's how we found out they all said basically the same thing. If they're united against us, we're united against them. Our parents used to be pretty cool but they don't understand what it's like growing up now. Carl and Eden and Sophia and Duane do and we hang with them sometimes but they're busy with their own kids. There's a lesson. If we ever have sex we'll use protection so that doesn't happen to us.

Garry

Grandpa Dale died yesterday. He had another stroke last week and he'd been in bed since then. Everyone took turns sitting with him. He couldn't talk and his right side was paralyzed. He's the only grandparent I've really had because I barely remember Dad's parents. And even though Dale and Andrea have been together for years I don't think of her as a grandmother, more like an aunt. I feel bad for her and my dads and everyone else, especially me.

Dale was one of our teachers. Carol and Lori are in charge of homeschooling but everyone at Stonehill teaches because we spend time with all of them and they show or tell us what they know best. There are plenty of people who know the '80s and '90s and the 21st century but Dale was born right after World War II. He told us he grew up in the last decade of innocence – the '50s – and after that was the start of the drug culture, civil rights, the sexual revolution and women's liberation. He lived through the Vietnam War, Watergate and all those famous people getting assassinated.

"Dale was our link to a past that wasn't always pretty," Dad said. "But it's important to remember and learn from it."

"He wasn't always right," Daryl added, "But he made you stop and think."

"But what if there wasn't time to think?" I asked.

"That's what he wasn't right about. Sometimes you gotta make a quick decision. But later it's not a bad idea to think if you should have done it different."

It's the first death at Stonehill since Shane and the Rhees almost 10 years ago. The older generation is in their 40's and 50's and medical care still isn't great. They could get sick or hurt. Dale was 80 which was a long life but Shane was in his 40's and the Rhees were around 60. You can die at any time. What would I do if Dad or Daryl died? I mean, I'm almost grown up and there are other people around but what would I do without my dads? Susan never knew her parents at all but she feels the same about Stephanie who's always been her mom. Teddy and Judy have both their parents and they feel the same way, too.

I miss Dale already. I don't want to miss anyone else.

Daryl

You and Glenn are taking Garry 'car shopping' for his 15th birthday. Glenn wanted to wait until he was 16 because that's when he would have gotten a license but you remind him that he could have a learner's permit at 15. It's not like he'll be driving from now on. It's an opportunity limited by the gas shortage. Gas from before the outbreak is either gone or gone bad. Storing it in vacuum containers with a stabilizer only helps for so long. There are a couple of refineries operating again but they don't produce much and it takes a lot in trade. You and Glenn acquired five gallons and if Garry chooses wisely he can get almost 200 miles. Although you wouldn't blame him if he blew it on a muscle car.

The roads have been cleared of abandoned vehicles not only to make travel easier but to make ambushes harder. The less savory survivors tended to hide and surprise unwary travelers. You're always wary so it never happened to you but you're happy to know that a few times you've made the streets safe for others.

"Remember that car I drove from Atlanta to the quarry?" Glenn sounds nostalgic.

"I remember the car alarm spooked that deer I was tracking and I had to follow it to hell and gone. And in the end a fucking walker got to it before me." You still get pissed thinking about that waste of good venison.

"And then Jim and Dale parted out my car," Glenn says sadly.

He still misses his cool car. You decide to find another one like it or at least something red and sporty. You'll trade for a few more gallons of gas and surprise Glenn when he isn't expecting it.

Garry

I'm getting a car for my birthday! I kind of knew the dads might do this when I got old enough but I thought it wouldn't be until next year. I've been looking through old magazines. Between Dad, Daryl and Ted Sr., Teddy and I have a bunch of magazines about cars, hunting and sports. They're a little tattered by now even though we got them from a library where they were in plastic folders.

I've got another magazine that I hide because I don't want to get Uncle Merle in trouble. Yeah, naked ladies.

When he gave it to me Merle said, "You're bein' raised by two guys who don't appreciate the female form. Gotta balance that out so take a look and see which way you wanna go."

"I don't think I'm confused," I told him. I flipped through it and said, "These girls don't look real."

"Parts of them ain't and that's the point, boy," Merle replied. "This here is fantasy not reality. By the way, I'd appreciate it if you kept this under wraps."

I grinned. "You don't want Dad and Daryl to know you're corrupting me?"

"I'm more worried about your Aunt Dana."

I believe him. Dad said once that it was funny to see Merle on a short leash. Daryl laughed and said it was more like a choke chain.

I don't see her very often but Dana's all right. And she's still beautiful. Prettier than the women in the magazine. It was exciting to look through, if you know what I mean. Teddy thought so, too, when I loaned it to him but we like real girls better. I guess sex used to be big business with magazines and movies and call girls. It's hard to imagine a world like that even though we see it sometimes on DVDs.

Garry

I've had a lot on my mind lately and I zoned out a few times when Dad and Daryl were talking to me. They didn't say anything but looks were exchanged so I knew what to expect. The only question was which one. Today Daryl asked me to help with his motorcycle. We have a winner. Or a loser. I wonder if they flip a coin or just take turns.

I think working on the bike is Daryl's therapy. It's taken out once a year and doesn't need anything done in between the annual tune-up. Dad and Daryl disappear on it for awhile and there's not much gas used so I'm pretty sure they're not driving all that time. But Daryl likes to tinker with it, take something apart and put it back together. He usually has something to keep his hands and eyes busy if we're having a serious talk.

As we settle down Daryl asks, "You have a tumor or anything we should know about?"

I can't help laughing. Daryl never dances around, that's for sure.

"Is this because I wasn't paying attention? I'm okay."

"Well, we gotta ask. So, nothing you need or want to talk about?"

"I'm good. What would be wrong anyway?"

"I've got a list. You shitting regular?"

"Seriously?"

"It can mess you up if you're not."

"Yes, poop is in the pipeline. And it doesn't burn when I pee."

"You wanking too much or not enough?"

"What would be too much?"

"Damned if I know. I personally never figured there was a limit."

"I guess I'm average."

"Getting along all right with your peers?"

I laugh again. "You're channeling Dad!"

Daryl laughs too. "That's what therapists used to ask 'troubled teens'."

"I get along great with my peers. All three of them."

"You're not raising a crop for recreational use?"

"Well, not raising it but we found some growing wild and dried it and experimented a little."

"Is it any good?"

"You would probably know better than us."

"Your Dad and me better try a little and make sure you're not poisoning yourselves."

"Okay, but we've only done it a few times. It wasn't that much fun, to be honest."

"Glad to hear it. So, minimal drug abuse. Getting enough sleep?"

"I go to bed at ten."

"That wasn't the question so let me ask this way. After you go to bed and leave by the window, do you get back in time to get enough sleep?"

"You guys know about that, huh?"

"We used to be your age, your Dad more recently than me."

"Sometimes we meet for like an hour or so, maybe share a beer. Have to do something to prove we're bad kids."

"Girls, too?"

"Yeah."

"Beer the only fluid shared?"

"Daryl!"

"You're right. Not our business as long as you're being careful."

"We are."

Silence as I realize I may have given it away.

"Fooling around or all the way?" Daryl asks.

"I shouldn't talk about this."

"You don't have to say anything."

"Well, now I kind of want to."

"Let the bragging begin."

"Last week the four of us ..." I stop because Daryl looks horrified.

"Wait, I didn't mean all of us together. We decided it was time, you know? We're all 16 or 17. So Susan and me ... And Teddy and Judy ..."

"And?"

"And a few days later we switched."

Daryl runs his hands through his hair. He looks like a wild man. "I meant, 'And how was it?' and you tell me you started swapping!"

"Is that a big deal? I mean, we've known each other forever and it's just us four. It's not a big dating pool."

"Your Dad is on his own from now on. I'm opting out of this parenting thing."

I ignore him because Daryl has said that about twice a year since they gave me 'the talk' when I was 11.

"Okay," he goes on, "how was it?"

I'm quiet because I can't think of a word big enough to cover the experience and then I can't stop thinking about it at all. I realize I'm staring into space with a goofy look on my face.

"That good, huh? Must have done something right," Daryl says. "Well, I can report to your dad that we've identified what you're thinking about when you're ignoring us."

Garry

We're moving to the Greene farm this summer. We'll keep calling it that because it was in my mother's family for generations. I've always known the farm would be mine someday. We've stayed there for a few weeks every year so I could get to know the place. I like animals. I think I would have wanted to be a vet like Grandpa Hershel. We took a lot of his books and instruments to Stonehill so I could study them. Whenever an animal dies I dissect it and I help with butchering so I can see how everything fits together and comes apart.

For years the farm has been run by three men and two women. Property rights aren't so clear-cut anymore because 90% of the population died from the outbreak but if you can prove ownership, it's yours. Hershel left a will and a journal along with my birth certificate and most of the people he wrote about in his journal are still alive so there are plenty of witnesses. But we were settled at Stonehill and the farm is far enough away that we didn't want to separate and run both places. So Dad and Daryl arranged for George and Elaine to be tenants and Charlie, Holly and Mike joined them. They're all older people without kids so they were willing to work the farm and not expect to pass it on to anyone. Charlie died two years ago and George last month and it's getting to be too much for the others so they want to retire to Stonehill. That was the deal, that we would switch places with them.

It's good timing because I'm 17 now. Not a kid anymore. Time to be a man.


	46. Affliction

Daryl

You should have known sex would get you in trouble someday. It finally happens in the most embarrassing way. You're topping Glenn enthusiastically when you get a hernia. You know the hernia didn't suddenly develop but why did it have to go critical at this moment in time? You're over 60 and still lifting heavy shit because you don't want to admit that you can't do everything you did 10 years ago. This past year you're aware that you may have strained a few times and twice it felt like you pulled a muscle. You took it easy for a few days and felt fine so you just kept on as usual. The sharp pain this time reminds you of that sprained ankle years ago. You can't help groaning.

Glenn thinks this is evidence of enjoyment because he's still moaning and moving against you. He catches on when he realizes your dick is limp. You roll away and press your hands to your belly. Glenn pries them away and there's a bulge where there shouldn't be one.

"We're going to the doctor. Get dressed."

"It's midnight. Maybe in the morning."

"Maybe in the morning you'll have a strangulated hernia. We're going now."

No use arguing.

Glenn

There's a full-service medical center in Atlanta. Staff includes a family doctor, a surgeon, the midwife who delivered Benny, a dentist and an optometrist. Medical professionals banded together in the decade following the outbreak and took over the hospital. They live on the upper floors and they're training others to carry on.

The surgeon is a woman a few years younger than Daryl. Dr. Diego passed her surgical boards a year before the outbreak. Back then she operated almost every day, sometimes two or three times. She only performs surgery once or twice a month now, mostly setting fractures, removing appendix or gallbladder, and the occasional amputation. The good news is she's done two hernias in the past year. The bad news is she couldn't save Lori.

It wasn't Dr. Diego's fault. Lori had breast cancer. Diego removed one breast and Lori did pretty well for almost a year. But the cancer came back and she wasn't strong enough to make it through a second operation. There's an additional risk with surgery now. If your heart stops and is restarted the dormant virus might activate. So arms and legs are secured and there's a guard whose function is to provide final death if necessary. Patients going into surgery look more like prisoners prepared for lethal injection.

Surgery is BYOB whenever possible. Bring Your Own Blood. Blood isn't needed often enough to keep it on hand and risk having to discard it. There are two people on staff with O negative but the hospital likes to reserve them for emergencies so they ask if we have donors available with Daryl's blood type. That would be Merle and Andrea. We'll call them in the morning. Meanwhile I call Garry and give him the news. He wanted to come with us but he couldn't do anything here and he's needed at the farm for morning chores. He wants to be here for the surgery so he'll drive Andrea.

Daryl's blood is drawn to check levels and organ functions. Many of the machines still work so they can do a lot of tests and find out what's wrong. The problem is treatment. Exotic pharmaceuticals aren't available anymore. Fortunately that's not the case with Daryl. He'll only need antibiotics and painkillers. And he'll try to skip the painkillers because he's tough. Just ask him.

We're put in a room together so I can help take care of Daryl. We try to rest but we can't fall asleep yet. It's not like we haven't experienced loved ones dying since the walker threat diminished. Shane and my parents have been gone almost 20 years. Dale died 10 years ago and we lost Lori two years ago. But it felt like Daryl and I were invincible.

Daryl is calm. We both think this will go just fine but in the event it doesn't, Daryl long ago accepted that he would die first.

"If there was only a few years between us it could go either way but with 13 years we both know you'll be left behind. I don't intend to check out any earlier than I have to but I don't mind going first. Because if it's you that means you get sick or hurt before your time and I don't want that." Daryl's voice rasps a little. "Don't think I could stand that."

I know it's true. Daryl is strong and brave but he can be broken. We are each other's only love. If we're lucky enough to live to a ripe old age, I'll be able to go on the few remaining years without him but Daryl wouldn't care about going on without me.

Daryl

You never expected to feel this kind of connection to another human being but you're grateful it happened and that you've had it for 25 years. You wouldn't mind another 25 although that's probably too much to expect. You'll settle for making it through this hernia deal and living to see a grandchild in six months. Garry and Susan told you and Glenn last week and they're going to announce it at Easter to everybody else.

You've had a quarter century of the best life you could have hoped for. Your brother and his family, friends who turned into family, raising Garry who is the only son you can imagine having, hard work at Stonehill and the farm but you never minded that and you're glad you could do your share. And above all, Glenn.

Even if it goes wrong and ends tomorrow, you've got no regrets.

Glenn

The next morning brings Garry and Andrea and Merle and Dana. While their pints are drawn off Merle overcomes his worry about Daryl to make a remark about him and Andrea finally getting together even if it's just their blood. Andrea laughs and shares a look with Dana who just shakes her head. You'd think Dana would be the worse for wear after 25 years with Merle but it's Merle who has improved instead.

We watch from the observation room above the OR. Daryl's heartbeat slows with anesthesia but remains strong and steady and I wonder how I could have been afraid that it would react any differently. It's the best heart I've ever known.

The doctor talks to us before Daryl wakes up. She says it went very well, a textbook surgery. I start thinking about the days ahead and I must look worried because she pats my shoulder and says the hard part is over. I disagree. With Daryl, recovery is the hard part.

Daryl has never 'worked out' in his life. Manual labor has always been a natural way to keep in shape so doing exercises after surgery seems like a waste of time to him. He thought he'd just go back to work as usual. He doesn't consider rehab a real activity. I don't understand how he can be so restless sometimes and yet stay motionless for hours when hunting. He's disintegrating into bad temper and I'm not going to put up with it this time.

"You were the one who went under the knife and I know it hasn't been a fun time, but it hasn't been great for me either. And now you're going to risk undoing the surgery."

Daryl looks ashamed as if he's just realizing the toll on me. "Hey, c'mere." He pulls me close. "I couldn't have lasted this long without you. And I don't mean just this week." He hesitates. "I wanna get home so we can have some privacy."

"We have to wait for Dr. Diego to say it's okay."

"We're not asking permission to get laid!" Daryl is indignant.

"We won't have to. She'll say something like it's all right to resume normal physical activity."

Daryl looks outraged.

"Remember when you sprained your ankle? You set yourself back a few days because you refused to be patient."

Daryl scowls. I can read the expressions crossing his face. Mulish, thoughtful, resigned, determined.

"It's not gonna be like that again. I'll do it your way this time."

"Thank you. It won't be so bad. Remember how last time ended in the tree house with you fucking me hard?"

"I can do that."

"When the doctor says so," I remind him.

"Goddammit."

With the real-life crisis over I distract Daryl by asking how we might die in L.A.

"Gays in Hollywood. We're not getting AIDS, are we?"

"No, I don't want that. We could drown in our pool having drunken sex. No one would be surprised."

"I don't know. We're pretty good at water sports."

"Well, I already had you get hurt on set. I don't want to do that again."

"Random act of violence?" Daryl suggests.

"I feel like it should be more personal. And since you're so sure you're going first here, I should go first in our story. Brain tumor! Inoperable of course. I ask you to kill me to spare my suffering and then you kill yourself."

Daryl is staring at me as if I'm deranged. "This is what cheers you up? A brain tumor and I do both of us in? No."

"You're right, that would make you the bad guy. A suicide pact is better."

"Why do we have to die in L.A.? Why can't we just live forever? It's our story."

Sometimes Daryl has great insight. "It could be like authors who used to write series. The hero aged for awhile and then kind of froze in time before he got feeble."

"Could we go back a couple of years and stop there?" Daryl asks. "Because I don't want to be this feeble forever."

Merle comes back to check on Daryl and brings an assortment of output from his still to help pay the hospital bill.

"They're doctors," I say doubtfully, wondering if they'll want alcohol.

"Yeah, I shoulda brought more," Merle replies. "Never met a medical man or woman who couldn't drink everybody under the table."

Medical care is bartered like everything else. After 25 years there's a limited government to provide order but banks and money haven't been reinstituted. The problem is distance and a lack of human resources. This is a huge country with a fraction of the previous population. And immigrants aren't flooding in to make up the numbers.

Garry brings offerings from Stonehill and the farm. A rooster and two hens so the hospital can have a steady supply of eggs or three chicken dinners if they prefer, beef and pork from our last butchering, canned fruits and vegetables. The staff is appreciative. They treat everyone who needs care but others don't often have as much to give in return. We all worked hard to make Stonehill and Greene's farm successful and it's a point of pride to show how much Daryl means to us.

Daryl

All that food for the hospital reminds you of the annual picnics. That first one at Stonehill was a feast after famine. From the beginning you knew Stonehill could be a good place but it was hard work and lean times at first while cleaning up the orchard, starting a garden and rounding up animals. Everybody had lost weight since the outbreak and you were used to feeling a little hungry all the time. That ended in August when most everything had ripened and it was time for a big spread. Fried chicken, barbecued pork, thick juicy burgers with lettuce, tomato, onion and pickle. Biscuits, potatoes and gravy, deviled eggs. Boiled greens, cabbage slaw and sweet corn. Watermelon, berries and every other fruit and vegetable raised. Pecan pie and peach cobbler, sweet tea and mint juleps. Everybody overindulged. You leaned close to tell Glenn, "I planned to drag you off somewhere but I'm too full to fuck." He whispered back, "It's the same rule as swimming. Wait an hour after you eat." It was more like two hours but you eventually satisfied another hunger.

Glenn

We've been back at the farm for two weeks. Blow jobs and hand jobs are enjoyable but I miss feeling Daryl inside me. Tonight he turns me over and reaches for the lube.

"Are you sure?" I ask. "I don't want to take any chances. I can wait."

"Well, I can't and I don't really think you can either. I'm healed."

Even so, Daryl moves a little gingerly at first but it feels so good I have to admit I get lost in my own response. After awhile I realize he's stopped being careful.

Afterwards when our breathing slows there's a thread of anxiety in his voice as Daryl asks how it was.

"It's never been better," I say truthfully. "But what about you? How do you feel?"

He smiles with satisfaction. "Good as new."


	47. Conclusion

Daryl

You're 84 years old and will be dead soon.

You don't mean soon as in bound to happen in the next few years. You mean a matter of hours. There's nothing in particular wrong, you're thankful to have avoided any dread disease. It's just old age and natural causes. Your body is running down. You've felt it the last couple of years and especially the last few months. You consider yourself lucky to have made it this long still active in body and sharp of mind, relatively speaking. You had hernia surgery 20 years ago and are grateful that doctors and medical technology made a comeback before you needed it.

Of course you hate to leave Glenn. You've been together almost 50 years and you're not tired of each other yet. But no amount of time would ever be enough so this will have to do. Glenn knows it's been coming on. Both of you have always known that the odds were he would be left behind. It will be hard for him but you think it might have been impossible for you to go on without him even with Garry and Susan and the grandkids.

Your sex life has dwindled but Glenn says it's about average for a couple in their 60's so you beat the odds on that as well. The past months you've wondered if each time might be the last. Five days ago really was the last time.

It feels like you haven't breathed for awhile so you take a shallow breath and then a deeper one to catch up. It's time to let go when you have to remind yourself to breathe. Glenn is asleep beside you. You don't want to wake him but you won't make it to morning. You've already told each other everything that needs to be said but he'll want a final goodbye and you want that, too.

You whisper, "Glenn" and his eyes open. He knows just looking at you and he says, "I'm here, Daryl."

Your senses are fading. When he kisses you and his hair tickles your nose you know it's the last time you'll taste him and smell him. His eyes are the last thing you see before you can't keep your own eyes open any longer. You say, "I love you, kid" and hear the familiar, "I love you, baby" in return before the world goes silent.

You can still feel him along the length of your body and then just his hands holding yours. When that's gone there's no reason for you –  _for me_  – to stay any longer ...

Glenn

Daryl is dead. I'm not going to use a euphemism like expired or passed away because I need that cold hard word 'dead' to make myself believe it. I thought I was prepared but it's still a shock to have 'sometime soon' become 'now.'

He's still warm but his stillness is unnatural to the man I've loved for 50 years. His energy has diminished recently but movement was never contained until now. I'll get up soon and wake Garry. Daryl and I live with him and Susan and our grandchildren on the Greene farm which is Garry's by right as the last member of his mother's family. His grandfather left a will along with Garry's birth certificate.

The physical absence of Daryl is a void that will never be filled but he's alive in my heart. I see him in my memories and hear him in my mind ...

_/Mind your own business./_

_Excuse me?_

_/A mind is a terrible thing to waste. Make up your mind./_

_What's going on?_

_/I was thinking of all the ways you can use the word 'mind.'/_

_Is that you, Daryl?_

_/You should know. You're the one that said you could hear me in your mind./_

_Am I crazy?_

_/Naw, you're just coping. If you wanted to see crazy you should have died first and watched me./_

_I can imagine this because I know you so well but it seems very real._

_/I might surprise you./_

_My subconscious might surprise me._

_/Go ahead and take all the credit./_

_Let's get something straight. I'm glad you're here but it's my thought processes._

_/You better get Garry. I'm cooling off./_

_Just a few more minutes._

Daryl and I have the same room we shared at Greene's farm all those years ago. I go down the hall and knock on the door of Hershel's old room. Garry tears up when I tell him. He hugs me, trying to hold it together. Susan doesn't bother, she's crying openly. We don't wake the children. We roll Daryl on his stomach on a plastic sheet and Garry helps me pull back the bowstring and I release the arrow into the back of Daryl's head. Wildfire Syndrome is still a danger and not everything is known yet about how it spreads and who might be a carrier or if you might be immune until first death. That's what it's called now, first death and final death.

We dress Daryl in work pants and a plain shirt. Susan combs his hair. We wrap him carefully and carry him to the back parlor. The room is closed for the winter so it's cool and will be fine for the short time it's needed. Garry brings in the box Daryl made for himself a few years ago. Daryl's hair gets mussed when we unwrap him. Susan starts to fix it but I tell her to leave it. We'll make calls at first light and Daryl will be buried by sundown. Fancy funerals have never become popular again. A simple ceremony has replaced the elaborate rituals that used to surround death.

The children are up now though only 10 year old Grady is really a child yet. Darla is 15 and Steven is 18. Glynis is 21 and lives up the road with her husband. Steven runs to tell them. They come back together and we all go to the parlor so they can see their grandfather one last time. They're obviously hurting but trying to be brave. Friends and neighbors stop by all day, bringing food. Rick arrives with Carl and Eden. Duane brings Andrea. Teddy's parents are with Teddy and Judy. Ben and his family arrive with Dana. Dana is a year younger than Daryl and doesn't look well. It's likely that we'll be doing this for her next. Rick and Andrea are in their 80's, too. The rest of our group is gone.

The next few days I think about everyone we've lost since the world became almost normal again. It's not like before the ZA. The population was too decimated for everything to go back to the way it was. But it's more familiar. There's power, plumbing, phones.

We had been at Stonehill for six years when Shane drowned in a flooded river. He wasn't the kind to commit suicide but maybe he didn't try very hard to save himself. He had a lot of demons and maybe he got tired of living with them. For every fact suggesting suicide there was one to counter it. Shane was an excellent swimmer and very fit, but the strongest swimmer can be overcome by a cramp. He never called out for help, but he might not have realized he was in trouble until it was too late and he didn't want to risk anyone else. His body washed up downstream the next day. We buried him next to Garry's mother and grandfather. It's odd that Maggie and Hershel are buried at Stonehill and Daryl and I will be buried at their farm.

Dale had a stroke but lived several more years with some weakness and impaired speech. Cancer took Lori and Morgan. Susan's adoptive mother Stephanie died of heart failure. The biggest shock was when Sophia was bitten after we'd begun thinking all that was over. There were experimental drugs by then, a shot and meds, but they didn't work. Sophia died and the treatment that didn't save her also couldn't prevent her from coming back. That was the last time Rick fired his gun. It just about destroyed Duane and their children and her mother. Carol had never had an easy life and Duane had seen the same thing happen to his mother. Carol succumbed to a respiratory problem and Merle's liver or pancreas gave out. And now Daryl.

_/How are you doing?/_

_I'm all right._

_/You're crying./_

_I'm allowed to cry. It's only been a week._

_/I don't want you to feel bad./_

_I miss you._

_/I'll be around when you need me but don't forget you're still alive./_

_I know. I just have to get used to you not being alive. But I'm not going to wallow. Would it be crude of me to say that I'm going to miss sex eventually?_

_/Eventually sounds like a lot of time might pass. I predict your hand will be on your dick in 5 minutes./_

_I'd rather it was your hand._

_/You and me both./_

Glenn

Daryl has been gone for a year. I don't masturbate as often as we had sex but occasionally I feel the urge.

_/I could hardly get a good night's sleep with you. What's wrong?/_

_You're not here._

_/That never stopped you before./_

_But that was when you would be back. Now there's nothing to look forward to._

_/You're blaming me for your crappy sex life because I died?/_

_Yes. Since you died of old age anyway, you could have just died later._

_/What's the problem? After 50 years you know all my moves. Just do what I would do./_

_It's not the same. I miss your touch. One hand on my cock and the other on my nipples. I have to do everything myself now._

_/I'll talk you through it. You won't know the difference when you're done. Press your thumb against your nipple. Rub clockwise or counterclockwise, your choice. Surprise yourself. Add the index finger. Roll it and pinch. Twist a little, then ... uh./_

_Were you about to tell me to lick my nipple?_

_/Yeah./_

_And you realized I don't have Gene Simmons' tongue so I can't reach it?_

_/Okay, I get your point. You know, I wouldn't be upset if you found someone else./_

_I don't want to get naked with someone new at my age. Besides, there are no gay men in my range._

_/You could try a woman again./_

_I don't think so. I'm truly not attracted to anyone else. You and me, Daryl. That doesn't happen very often. Honestly, I would rather be alone with our memories. Just thinking about you still does it for me._

_/You can't quit me, huh?/_

_You remember Brokeback Mountain?_

_/Mostly I remember what we did after watching it./_

Glenn

Ten years pass quickly, as time tends to do at my age. I'm not unhappy but I've never been quite the same since Daryl died. Pretty soon I won't have to live without him.

_I'm coming, Daryl._

_/I've heard that before./_

_I meant I'll be joining you._

_/There's no hurry./_

_I'm tired a lot and I don't feel well._

_/Kidney trouble?/_

_Yes, my demise will be attributed to renal failure._

_/That's what I said./_

_Will I see you again?_

_/I don't know. I've never figured that out. But no matter what happens we had our time together./_

_We'll always have Paris?_

_/More like, we'll always have the tent and Prentiss Produce and Stonehill and the farm./_

_That's a lot. More than we expected._

_/But not more than we deserved./_

_It won't be long now._

_/I'm here./_

Garry

When I was young it was hard to surprise my Dads. Something 'new' would show up and I'd be excited and they'd look at each other and say, "I can't believe we forgot to tell him about that."

They always said I was the surprise because neither of them had been around kids after they were adults and they loved watching me grow up.

I found my father this morning and we did for him what we did for Daryl a decade ago. It's ridiculous to think of myself as an orphan at the age of 56 but that's what it feels like. That's what it means when your parents are gone, no matter how old you are. I had the best Dads ever and I can only hope I measured up to them with my own children.


End file.
